


Serendipity

by taeminexe



Series: Serendipity [1]
Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: AU, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Slow Burn, drama and a bit of angst, happy accident lots of fluff, he'll be debuting with chanyeol as SC, ish, junmyeon is an actor, no idea how long itll be, probably lots of skype sex n dirty talk, sehun is pre debut, they in love, this is from a tumblr prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-01-06 02:47:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 50,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21219293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeminexe/pseuds/taeminexe
Summary: Junmyeon never expected to meet the love of his life online. In fact, he still feels kind of odd about it. Serendipity can be defined as how him and Sehun started talking - he added the wrong Oh Sehun on Facebook. Seriously, what were the chances of that?





	1. A Happy Accident

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Making my grand return to multi-chaps. I got a tumblr prompt and fell in love with what I came up with so I changed some lil bits and made it viable for life outside of a headcanon. This is the prompt I originally filled on taeminexe.tumblr.com: 
> 
> long distance boyfriends suho and sehun meeting for the first time
> 
> So you can look forward to that pay off! For now, the beginning.

It’s not that Junmyeon wasn’t a family type of guy - it’s just that, well, he spent every break he had from his busy filming schedule finding excuses to not go back to Korea. He missed people; sure, but there were also definitely people he did not miss, and besides, he wasn’t paying rent in a Tokyo city apartment for no one to live there, and he had a pup to look after. Being a well paid actor in a popular TV show did not equal having the means to hire someone to look after Byul and house sit, that would be completely unnecessary. Also, Junmyeon loved living in Japan. The view from his cosy east facing balcony, the convenience store two buildings down the road that he began visiting when he first moved to the area (at 2am, when all the fresh food had turned semi-fresh and thus been knocked to half price), the language he’d been learning since he was barely a teenager. The chance to travel around the country he loved that never ran out of new places to explore and people to meet. What could possibly bring him back to Korea? 

“You must be very busy at work,” his mother said to him on the phone one night. “I do hope you get to come home soon. We’re all very proud of you.”

She definitely shouldn’t have been proud of Junmyeon in that moment. He had a month off from his regular filming schedule for  _ Golden,  _ and was holed up in his dark bedroom wearing a three day old white shirt, and drinking sake from a mug while waiting for his only meal of the day to arrive on his doorstep. Udon with mixed veg was not too much of a stray from what he ‘should’ be eating, although a more balanced diet wouldn’t go astray considering how close he was to being back in promo for the new season. He had a photoshoot in just over a weeks time, with some new cast members, and a lot of interviews and appearances scheduled around the airing of the special episode they had filmed just before they wrapped for the season. Then, back to the grind. He had no idea what the ‘grind’ would entail, as he hadn’t received the script for any of season 4 yet, but he was sure it would be as hard going and emotionally draining as ever. 

Golden was a TV series where Kim Junmyeon portrayed Kun Tanaka, a teenager who found out he was adopted, because he possessed strange powers that were believed to be genetic. Kun could do a lot of weird stuff, telekinesis, mind reading, he could enter people’s dreams and interpret them to tell the future. After finding out that his adoptive parents were hiding the secrets of his past from him, including suppressing his memories of his childhood, he runs away. He makes money for himself by street performing as Golden Boy, a magician and mentalist, choosing the name based on the colour that his eyes change to when he uses one of his powers. 

It was basically one of those TV shows with a concept that could demand anything from the lead actor in question, physically and emotionally demanding scenes. Aside from getting to showcase his talents, Junmyeon was seen as a pretty face, actually the most popular Korean actor on the scene in Japan. The show was an international success because of him, and diverse cast mates. He was proud of the work he did, but as a boy with a slightly shy and retiring personality, who required a lot of time to himself just to recharge, the fame was the most difficult part to get his head around. He cherished the time he had to himself. That’s the only reason he didn’t feel like returning to his family home when he did get vacation time. 

It had nothing to do with an ex boyfriend, that much was for sure. Why would it? It’s not like he’d even see he-who-must-not-be-named if he did make a grand return to Korea. He was enlisted in the military now, so there wasn’t a chance he’d run into him, unless he was very unlucky. It was just a shame that the entire city of Seoul had been ruined by all the awful memories that come along with a failed first relationship; a first heartbreak. 

Junmyeon didn’t want to think about that now, though. He preferred to say a hasty goodbye to his mother (sending his love to his dad and older brother, of course), and put on some pants so he could answer the door when his udon arrived. Then, he planned to watch some kind of Netflix orginal and finish the rest of the sake that he’d received as a wrap gift weeks ago and just caved into that day. 

The fatal flaw in this plan was the call he received from one of his agent at 9pm. 

“Watanabe-san,” Junmyeon greeted him. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I was just calling to let you know I sent you an email.”

Junmyeon sighed to himself; because if he wanted to read his emails, he would have opened his emails, but the fact that he hadn’t read his emails in a week clearly meant he was not interested in emails. 

“An email,” he repeated. “Is it very important? I haven’t been keeping tabs on much work-related-,”

“I did not mean to disturb you, I do apologise. I just thought you’d like to know that the new cast members for Golden have been finalised as of today, so I forwarded you the contact details of some of the ones you’ll be working with. I said to expect a message from you.”

“Oh, that makes sense.”

“One of them, the one cast to be playing your brother, is an up and coming actor, who’ll be arriving to Japan officially in a few days. I represent him myself, to be honest I thought you’d be a good influence on him.”

“Say no more. I will call this guy. Thank you for prompting me to check my messages, Watanabe-san,”

“Good night.” 

See, the work never really stopped for Junmyeon. What would be the point in returning to Seoul? It would hardly be a vacation. With that, he sat up in bed, turned the television off, and grabbed his laptop. Work emails, right, let’s see, he thought. There were only 78 unread messages, but at first glance none of them stood out, so they were pretty safe to ignore. The most recent one was indeed from Watanabe-san. Oh Sehun looked to be the right name, Korean, similar age to him - definitely fit the bill to be playing his brother. He may as well try and give him a call, at least that way he’d have his number. Moving to Japan was scary, he knew himself, especially when taking a leap of faith for your career. He could definitely help that guy out with some basics. 

Junmyeon held his phone to his ear, but a condescending beep told him that the number was incorrect. Huh. He glanced from his computer screen back to his mobile, but no, he didn’t punch it in wrong - Watanabe-san had sent it with a digit short. 

Oh well. He shot him back a quick message, asking for the right number, and opened Facebook instead. Maybe he’d find him on there. A welcome to the company message might be a little less intimidating than a phone call from the lead actor, anyway. Junmyeon knew what he personally would prefer. 

There were a few people by the name Oh Sehun on Facebook. He mused a little over the options he was presented with - three of the five had no profile picture or information to speak of uploaded, one of them was a man in his forties or fifties. There was an obvious winner, Oh Sehun, blurry profile picture of a dark haired boy looking at a little white dog. They could probably bond over being obsessed small-dog owners. His looked to be a Bichon Frise. On top of this, they actually had a mutual friend - Nakamoto Yuta; a guy Junmyeon met a few years back who gave him Japanese lessons in return for Korean lessons. Yuta had moved to Seoul to become a singer, but he had been a child actor with the Osaka branch of the same agency that got Junmyeon his audition for Golden, so it made sense that this Sehun guy would know him, all three of them being linked through Watanabe Talents. 

“And, add,” Junmyeon said to himself, commentating the click of the mouse. Mostly, he hoped that he’d get to meet his dog if they became close enough friends through the show. 

That should have been the end of his nightly social media escapades, but he immediately received a notification that his friend request had been accepted, so sending a message then seemed like the appropriate thing to do. 

_ **Hi,** _ Junmyeon typed.  ** _Hope I didn’t startle you with the add. I’m Kim Junmyeon, I heard we will be working together. Welcome aboard :) _ **

There was only a slight interval before it showed that Sehun was typing back. 

_ I knew I recognised your name, I just can’t place my finger on it. Are you going to be in a music video? So sorry to be rude, long day of work! :) Sorry for any typos by the way, I’m one handed. Sprained my hand in dance rehearsal haha _

Dance rehearsal? Music video? Maybe this guy was really booked up. Probably one of those multi talented triple threats, like Yuta.  ** _Not a music video! I’m the lead actor in Golden. Probably don’t recognise me in my profile pic to be honest. No makeup, hair not purple. Watanabe-san said you were cast to play my brother. Congratulations. _ **

_ Oh wait, I think you got the wrong guy. My bad, dude. I don’t think I could act to save my life. I’d try, but it would be a pathetic attempt. I’m so sorry.  _

Fuck, Junmyeon was dumb. It was definitely one of the Oh Sehun’s with no profile picture. He’d just wait until he got his real mobile number in the morning and arrange to meet up for coffee sometime before the photoshoot instead. 

** _Hey, that was all my fault in that case. Sorry for the ‘random add’. _ **

_ Don’t apologise. At least I had someone to talk to during my break from rehearsal.  _

** _Rehearsal? You sound dedicated. It’s late. Do you mind if I ask what it is you’re training for? I’m guessing you’re a dancer?_ **

_ I’m a trainee with SM Entertainment. Shh. Top secret, but since you’re some famous actor according to google, I think I can trust you - I’m actually close to debuting. I’m working really hard on some choreography for a music video that could be in the works if everything goes to plan. _

**That’s amazing. Explains the confusion. How did you hurt your hand?**

_ Well, in the choreo, I ‘try’ to break dance and fail. Since I can’t act, I actually tried to break dance and failed.  _

** _Oh dear. Are you a soloist, or did you have a band there to laugh at your misfortune?_ **

_ Duo! Me and my buddy Chanyeol. Of course he made fun of me, but I’ll try get him back for it when we’re back in there. Which is about now.  _

** _I feel like I should delete you from Facebook, but also, I want to hear if you cause any accidental injuries to this Chanyeol. _ **

_ I’ll message you back next break. You seem nice. Just so you know, though, I don’t really watch TV so I’m under no illusions about you as an actor.  _

** _You have no idea how nice that is to hear. Good luck, wrong Sehun!_ **

_ See you on the flipside, famous boy _

Junmyeon smirked to himself. Wrong-Sehun seemed nice, and he was interested to hear how he got on. Him knowing Yuta made sense, he was pretty sure SM was where Yuta ended up training to be in a group. This could just be one of those happy accidents that turns into a friendship. 

He found himself curiously clicking onto Sehun’s page to scroll his photos. The profile picture with the dog didn’t give much away about his face. His previous ones did, however - Junmyeon blamed the sake for the fact that he audibly gasped to himself when he saw him properly. Okay, the boy was pretty. Really pretty. Short dark hair, a gorgeous smile, deep brown eyes, kind of heavy set eyebrows. Something equally adorable and sexy about him. He could see why he was poised to debut; he really had a look that would stand out; he could tell just by low quality selfies. There was a photo of him and someone tagged as Chanyeol, so he guessed that was probably the next big thing from SM Entertainment. They looked good together. Cool. Hip. He could kind of hear the music they might make. 

Sadly, there wasn’t that much content on Sehun’s facebook, other than photos of the Bichon Frise - Vivi. There were a lot of shots of Sehun and Vivi. He looked to be obsessed with her. In fact, she seemed to be his only friend aside from Chanyeol, that he could see. Junmyeon also learned that he was 3 years younger than him, so 19, an Aries, and… yeah, that was about it. Enough stalking for the night, he told himself. 

For once, Junmyeon actually fell asleep before the dawn of a new day, but that didn’t last for long. He woke to a beep coming from his phone. He mumbled to himself, and again, but louder, once he realised it was 2:58am. Who was trying to talk to him at…?

New Facebook message. Sehun. 

_ Well, that was a long night. Hope you’re proud of me, new friend!  _

** _I was asleep. Please tell me you hurt the Chanyeol guy at least. _ **

_ Oh shit, oh no, I’m sorry, Junmyeon-hyung!  _

** _You don’t have to apologise for everything. I’m a stranger on the internet_ **

_ I elbowed Chanyeol in the jaw. On purpose, not because I’m clumsy. I promise I’m a good dancer _

** _Why do I feel like you and Chanyeol bicker a lot?_ **

_ Because we’re friends. Friends always bicker when they work together. He’s cool  _

** _You should go to bed. If I’m desperate to go back to sleep, I can’t imagine how you feel._ **

_ Honestly, I need a bath. My muscles are soooo tense. Wow, not something I should share with a stranger on the internet.  _

** _Probably not. Mind if I message you again sometime? I want to know how you’re getting on. I’m invested now_ **

_ Hey, I might even watch your TV show! I’d like to. We should talk. I’ll give you an honest critique and everything _

** _Hey, you too. _ **

_ Goodnight, Junmyeon-hyung. :) _

_ Goodnight fake Sehun.  _


	2. A Stroke of Bad Luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the love! I had so much fun with expanding this universe a little in this chapter.

Junmyeon didn’t want to admit it, but he was really disappointed when he didn’t hear anything from Sehun over the ensuing days. Maybe he was naive to think that he’d actually want to talk to him, remembering that he was in fact just a stranger who accidentally added him on Facebook - why would he have any interest in that? Or, you know, he could be busy. Just because Junmyeon wasn’t doing much with his days to the point where he just refreshed his notifications, awaiting an instant message from some boy he didn’t know. He really had to get out more. Start dating, considering the attention of one cute guy had him in a flurry. Pathetic. 

No time to think about that now though, thankfully. Watanabe-san had provided the real Oh Sehun’s number, and Junmyeon arranged a meet up at a cafe with him before their shoot. He picked the most casual and quiet place he could think of in the vicinity, since he had no idea if he would be approached by fans. It wasn’t that he disliked meeting people who watched the show - quite the opposite, if he didn’t enjoy praise and attention then he should have considered his career choice more carefully - but he didn’t want to appear intimidating in front of the newcomer. He wanted to be able to have an honest conversation and get to know him if they were going to be working that closely together. 

There was such a simple explanation for Junmyeon’s misadventures on social media, too, which might be a funny story to lead with. Oh Sehun was a  _ stage _ name. The guys real name was Kim Minseok - one he was actually familiar with, so probably was already on the acting scene in Korea. What were the chances? Junmyeon considered updating Sehun, but decided it wasn’t interesting enough to bring up with someone who was probably over the idea of talking to him.

“You on your way?”

Junmyeon’s phone had been ringing for almost two solid minutes by the time he answered Watanabe-san, who forwent any usual polite greeting. Which was understandable, because Junmyeon was late. He’d just scrambled out of the shower, dried off naturally as he dashed around looking for his glasses, and once he had his vision back, tried to remember where he had left out the clothes he was planning on wearing. Being scatterbrained wasn’t as much a personality trait of his than just something that happened when he wasn’t in a routine. He would be back to his old self within a few days, but the adjustment period - people, cameras, conversation - was a necessary evil. It didn’t help that he was distracted. 

“I’m about to get in a cab,” Junmyeon lied. “Don’t worry, I won’t make a bad impression on the newbie.”

“You never make a bad impression on anyone.”

Famous last words, Watanabe-san. Famous last words.

Junmyeon had no reason to suspect anything would go wrong during his pre-photoshoot plans. Sure, he was nervous, as anyone would be meeting a new cast member for the first time, of course making a good impression was important to him. He was a nice guy, well known for being polite and approachable, easy to work with. Whatever fluctuating opinion he held of himself, his peers and friends never had anything bad to say about him, which is all that kept him afloat on bad days. If anything, there must have been people in the world who were annoyed by him purely for being so well liked. Or maybe he was just the nation's sweetheart. 

None of that reassured him when he saw Kim Minseok sitting inside Hanakago Cafe, an icy cold glare upon his face as soon as their eyes met through the window. Junmyeon gulped. Did he have something stuck in his teeth? He had flashed a grin as soon as he spotted him sitting at the table nearest the entrance, recognising him from his headshot instantly, a guy about his age and height, spiked bright-blonde hair tucked under a baseball cap, a face that looked like it had stopped ageing when he was sixteen. Perhaps he didn’t recognise him and thought he was just some stranger gaping at him for no reason before proceeding to enter the establishment he was trying to enjoy a morning coffee at. 

“Hello,” Junmyeon was polite as ever, nodding his head at Minseok as he approached him, and holding out his hand. “Kim Junmyeon, a pleasure to meet you. Thanks for agreeing to meet.”

“I know who you are,” Minseok responded. It wasn’t quite a  _ of course I know your name, you’re the lead in the TV show I was just cast in  _ kind of statement - Junmyeon couldn’t tell whether Minseok sounded bored or resentful towards him. Whatever it was, it felt awkward. It quickly turned into a conversation Junmyeon knew he’d have to lead, and that was not his strong suit in tense situations and meetings. 

“May I take a seat?”

“Why, don’t you need to get a drink first?” Minseok raised his eyebrows. 

“I was… I haven’t eaten. I was going to check the menu first,” he tentatively pulled the empty chair out for himself and sat, a movement he never had reason to feel nervous about before. “Although, I tend to get the same thing whenever I come here.”

“So you’re a time waster.”

“Excuse me?”

“It was a joke.”

“Oh,” Junmyeon cracked a smile. Maybe the guy just had a case of resting bitch face and a weird sense of humor. “What’s your poison?” He gestured at the takeout cup. 

“Two triple shots of Espresso.”

“Oh.” Maybe Minseok was a psychopath. “Tired?”

“What’s it to you?”

Junmyeon looked away, because there wasn’t an acceptable response to that kind of rhetorical. The menu he had read a hundred times in the last few years was suddenly very interesting to him, even though with the way Minseok was staring him down, he doubted he’d be comfortable eating in front of him. He’d skipped breakfast especially because he knew he’d be here around brunch time though, and not eating before a photoshoot had been known to make him unbearably grumpy.

Which might make it easier to interact with Minseok, actually. 

A waiter came over to take orders; so Junmyeon instinctively asked for a salad and some gyoza on the side. He convinced himself his co-star smirked as he exchanged pleasantries while doing so. 

“So,” Junmyeon cleared his throat. “Have you been to Japan before?”

“Yes.”

“Excellent. How’s your Japanese?”

“Good enough to be on a Japanese television show.”

A pause. “Great,” was all he could muster up. “Are you settled in here?”

“Yes.”

“Are you always this talkative?”

Minseok let out a sigh that Junmyeon was sure he’d only ever heard come out of the mouth of a four year old he used to babysit. “Look, I don’t know why you’re laying your dumb nice guy act all over me, but that shit won’t fly. I did not know what I was getting myself in for when I took this job, and I’m not going to back out just because I hate your guts, but don’t pretend to be my friend.” 

Junmyeon stared at him, dumbfounded. What in the ever living fuck was he talking about? “I am so sorry if I’ve done anything to offend you, and at risk of sounding like more of an asshole than you already think I am…,” 

“Save it,” Minseok shook his head. “Jongin was right, he should have known you were an ass from the moment he met you.” 

And with that, he stood up, kicked his chair away from him, and made a beeline towards the door. “Enjoy your gyoza.” 

It went without saying that the rest of Junmyeon’s day was one of many that were destined to be awkward. Enjoy his gyoza he could not after what he said -  _ Jongin was right. He should have known you were an ass from the moment he met you.  _ He had avoided thinking his name for the past three years, so hearing it out loud, from a complete strangers mouth - that threw a spanner in the works, to say the least. He couldn’t get it out of his head. He barely saw the time pass, the time he should have spent getting to know Minseok before they worked on promotional shots for their show together, it was a miracle he caught the clock at a convenient enough time to remind him he had somewhere to be.

Junmyeon hadn’t recognised Minseok’s real name because he was already established in Korea. Kim Minseok was definitely the name of his ex boyfriend’s best friend. The one he had never met, of course, because Jongin had never introduced him to anyone in his life, not friends, not family, not even his damn pets. Jongin, the boy on whom he wasted his first kisses and first I love you's, who basically just led him on even though he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. The boy who literally jumped into someone else's bed the minute Junmyeon left for Japan, no regard for the fact that the relationship had meant something to him. The boy who kept him out of his hometown because every street corner, every market, every stupid hotel on every corner of every main street reminded him so painfully of that confusing half year - and for good fucking reason, clearly, seeing as he couldn’t even have a damn career in a different country without one of his buddies showing up, head full of misconceptions about him. Is that what had happened when they broke up? Had he spread rumors about how awful of a person Junmyeon was? Did Jongin literally admit to his best friend that he had dated a boy, just so he could talk crap about him? 

He could barely look at Minseok during the photoshoot, so that made two of them. It’s not that they weren’t professional, it’s just that they were so glad that the concept was mysterious and brief was -  _ mistrust, cold, standoffish _ . They barely said a word to each other throughout the entire ordeal. 

Watanabe-san was full of enthusiasm when checking in with Junmyeon later that evening, to see how his two protegees were getting on. He didn’t have the heart to tell him there were no kind words to be said. If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Junmyeon understood that phrase more than ever. 

There was only one thing he could do to decompress after all that - take a bath. It was lame, sure, that Junmyeon sometimes just rented a hotel room he knew to have a huge bathtub, filled it with bath salts and bubbles from a nearby 100-yen store, and constantly topped it up with hot water as he sat there in the dark, letting his head empty as much as possible. The amount of days during a work week he ended up doing that was pathetic, the money he spent would be better put towards an apartment with a nicer bathroom, but he didn’t care to worry about that. He was frugal in most aspects of life when he didn’t have to be. A few nights a month in a room he didn’t have to worry about smelling bad after takeout pizza was the least he deserved, especially since his favourite hotel was close to the studio where Golden was filmed. 

Junmyeon was starting to relax in the bath, sure, it had the desired effect, but clear his head he couldn’t  _ quite _ . His hands worked by their own accord, one minute he was aimlessly scrolling his twitter timeline, texting back a friend from work on Line, the usual, and the next - Facebook. Kim Jongin. 87 mutual friends. He couldn’t remember who had removed who as a friend after their breakup, it was as likely to be one as it was the other, both possessing a petty streak. It was a blessing and a curse that Jongin’s profile was locked up bar the odd really old photo that Junmyeon had already seen - as in, seen and liked, way back when. No stalking possible. 

Unless.

No, he couldn’t. He could not log into his brothers Facebook just to see Jongin’s profile. He hadn’t done that in at least two years. Maybe 18 months.  _ No way, Junmyeon  _ \- he told himself, even as his finger moved innocently across the screen to the log out button.  _ Stop it!  _

Ding. Saved by the bell.

The bell not being Junmyeon’s self control (since he completely lacked any), but the actual physical ding of a new message notification. 

Well, thank God for Oh Sehun. He was so grateful he forgot that he was irrationally resentful that they hadn’t spoken in a week. 

_ Hey, you’re online! How are you doing, stranger-hyung? _

** _Fake Sehun. I am so glad you’re here. Thought you were a figment of my imagination. _ **

_ You’d be so lucky. I didn’t get a chance to talk, social media ban until after practice all week, and I refused to wake you at 3am again. Things have been happening in the Sehun-verse.  _

** _I’m super glad to hear it. Things have been happening in Junmyeon-land too. Well, they have today anyway. But please, you first. I need a distraction. _ **

Junmyeon allowed himself to sink a little further back as he awaited Sehun’s message. Maybe he just lived for the attention from a cute boy. Was that so bad? 

_ Right, fine, where to start - uuuuh. Hyung, just to remind you, I’m a really good dancer. Got it? _

** _I never said I didn’t believe you. _ **

_ Right. I love dance, I just had a lot of new choreos thrown at me this week. Like 90% of them probably useless. I’m so tired. My feet are killed. I just need a bath with some muscle relaxants thrown in. I’m talking a mad ratio of muscle relaxant to water.  _

** _Not to make you jealous, but I’m having the most wonderful bubble bath right now._ **

_ Hyung!!! _

** _Sorry. What else did you get up to?_ **

_ I feel like Chan and I have just been waiting for news on our debut, and we keep hearing different things. I know that’s how it goes. I know nobody really knows how or when it’s gonna happen until it happens, but I’m so nervous. I didn’t really picture what this transition would be like while I was training. You get so used to the training lifestyle that you start thinking that’s just what your life is, there’s no beyond it, there’s no graduation, no follow up.  _

** _How long have you been training?_ **

_ Four years. I passed my audition when I was 14. Not as long as a lot of people train for, sure. Chanyeol is the same. We’ve basically been here the same number of days. We actually almost got put in a group, but they changed their mind about us. That’s where the idea of us as a duo was born. SehunXChanyeol. Now we just gotta wait.  _

** _I can’t imagine the stress of your career. Genuinely._ **

_ What’s being an actor like?  _

** _Easier, I think. In ways. I don’t know how to describe it. Golden has been my life for over 3 years, I’ve done movies in between, I’ve obviously been rejected for roles which can kind of suck, but there’s this weird thing I find with projects where I know I always get the part I was right for. Any actor I lose to just gets the part he was right for. So while there’s competition between actors, it’s very civil. I wonder what it’s like for groups. _ **

_ I think competition exists between the people trying to make money, but artists are always very supportive of each other. It’s nice, isn’t it? _

** _It is. Today is the first time I had an encounter with an actor that went sour, actually. _ **

_ Omg. I’m getting the popcorn. Please tell me all about it. We can curse about them together. _

** _I’ll give you an abridged version of the story. You know that Oh Sehun I was actually looking for last week?_ **

_ Omg, is my name twin a psycho? _

** _You’re safe, Oh Sehun is his stage name. Kim Minseok is his true identity. _ **

_ Thank f.  _

** _God forbid you had anything in common with him. I arranged a meeting with him before a photoshoot today. I did it by text and got a standard ‘okay’ reply, but I didn’t think much of that. I didn’t picture him as cold, just busy. But when we saw each other, he was practically rabid. _ **

_ Rabid? _

** _I could feel the hatred seeping out of him. I’ve never felt so resented in all my life. And I’ve never met the guy. _ **

_ You seem really nice. Are there weird rumours about you or something that I just haven’t found on the internet yet? _

** _Yet?!_ **

_ Look, I’ve googled you, we established that the night you went all ‘haha random add’ on me.  _

** _There’s no rumours that I’m aware of. But please, you’re embarrassing me. Don’t google me ever again._ **

_ Ok. I’ve never googled you. And I certainly haven’t been watching an episode of your show every night before bed. _

** _Sehun!_ **

_ I warned you, hyung. You’re really good by the way. Finish your story before I give you a big head.  _

** _Turns out Kim Minseok thinks he knows my life story. He’s… best friends with an, uhm, ex of mine. I’d never met him before, only vaguely recognised the name. But this ex has clearly told him stuff that isn’t true about me, because I’ve been painted as a complete asshole when it was my ex who ended things and broke my heart. _ **

_ Oh my God. You could write an entirely new drama for you to star in about this.  _

** _I know. Just my luck, right? You leave a country to get away from someone and they still linger like a bad smell. _ **

_ You left Korea because of that cunt and they have the cheek to say you’re an ass? I don’t even know what happened between you and I’m on your side. _

** _You would say that. I mean, my ex’s reaction to me getting this job was kind of what started the blowup that ended our relationship, but I took it because of the breakup. I was so in love I would have turned it down in a heartbeat if I was wanted. But it was clear that I wasn’t. We were so young, I’m obviously glad things ended and I have my career instead of a fling, I just have a lot of bad memories now. _ **

_ I hate your ex.  _

** _Thanks, that feels kind of nice to hear. _ **

_ How do you think you’ll get along at work, then, with Minseok? _

** _We’ll have to wait and see._ **

_ Keep me updated. I have last round of practice for the night.  _

** _Feel free to message me when you’re done. _ **

_ I’ll let you know when I’m settling in for my nightly episode of Golden. _

** _I take it back. Just go to sleep._ **

_ Talk to you later, hyung. _

** _Sweet dreams, Sehun. _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jongin fans please don't hate me I love him to bits it's just angst I promise 


	3. A Safe Space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had to re-do how I format the chat messages between them because ao3 refuses to bold the right things and its really riling me up :D yay being a fic writer and trying to get something uploaded at 1am

For once, Junmyeon awoke refreshed. There was something about a long night's sleep in a hotel room after a bubble bath; even when that night was partially interrupted by messages from Sehun, keeping him updated on his reactions to an episode from the first season of Golden. Being stirred at that hour didn’t bother him, he would smile and type a sleepy reply before closing his eyes again until the next beeped in. It wasn’t much of a conversation, what it really felt like was company - a thing Junmyeon didn’t realise he had maybe missed. Not company for the sake of it, not someone to fill the void of loneliness, but something actually comforting. 

He took his time getting ready to leave his home away from home, not having anywhere to be apart from back at his apartment before 2pm. A courier was bringing him a top secret package that afternoon. A script. That meant he was officially back to work mode. Not in front of the cameras, but the real work, the side of him that no one really saw. Learning those pages, those words, inside out, understanding the story past the surface of a silly supernatural premise. Junmyeon was praised for the way he portrayed such a strange character as a real human, and that was a compliment he wanted to continue to earn.

While going through the motions of checking out of the hotel, he considered his transport options - dull, sure, but that truly was all that was going through his head. There was the subway, there were taxis, there was a 40-something minute walk that he wasn’t in the mood for. The thought of finally buying a bike crossed his mind. Genuinely. He was almost glad that out of nowhere, the heavens opened up to unleash the most ghastly rainstorm he’d seen in months, just as he was ready to leave. 

It would be impossible to find a taxi, so the only option was to call the chauffeur. The call was certainly made with gritted teeth. Junmyeon really hated taking advantage of ‘dumb perks’, but really, what was the difference between a chaffeur and a taxi, other than speed and convenience? Suffer, poor people. At least he’d get home dry. 

Ah, what the hell. There were bigger things to worry about, actual horrific things happening in the world. Worrying that he was being a stuck up celebrity was worse than actually being one. 

Junmeyon hated that upon sitting on a sofa in the lobby to wait for his driver to pull up; his first instinct was to re-read the messages between Sehun and himself last night. It was marginally better than trying to stalk Jongin through his own brother’s account, but probably still somewhere on the creepy scale. 

_ You’re really good at acting, _ Sehun had written at some point towards the end of the episode he’d been watching. _ You’re so captivating. _

He was glad he didn’t see that one until the morning, because in his half-asleep state, he probably would have said something embarrassing, like ‘You too’. Junmyeon couldn’t figure out whether he had a crush on this guy he’d spoken to like three times and seen minimal photos of, or if he was so desperate to have a crush on someone again and erase the idea of ever having been in love with Jongin, that he was jumping on the first thing that presented itself as a great love story. Because at the core, Junmyeon would always be a hopeless romantic, and that was his fucking problem. 

He expected too much from Jongin. He knew he was as much at fault for his own heartbreak as anyone. It should have been obvious from the get go that Jongin wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, especially not one as intense as theirs turned, and it was unfair of Junmyeon to paint that as being ‘led on’. Really, Jongin had done nothing wrong - not until the end, anyway. It wasn’t what happened between them that hurt the most, it was what was left unsaid. The cracks. Because once opened, they spread through every memory of every moment they spent together - forever tainted, broken. 

** Hope you’re having a good day, and that you didn’t stay up too late. **

What prompted Junmyeon to message Sehun in that moment was uncertain. He just didn’t want another eight days to go by with no contact. 

_ I’m all good hyung. Slept like a baby. Up for a chat this evening? _

** The usual time? Sounds wonderful. **

And that’s how a routine was born. Sehun would have a long day of classes, practice, meetings, whatever he had to do to try and propel his career to the starting point he craved. Junmyeon would drink tea and learn lines and slowly start appearing on morning television shows, variety shows, the radio, more photoshoots. Sehun would start messaging him after 11pm - a regular break, usually for a 20 minute chit chat, and then again between 1 and 1:30. That was his chill out time, and he shamelessly admitted (to Junmyeon only, of course) to enjoying Golden enough to still be watching an episode a night, while simultaneously texting the lead actor. 

It was strange, the things they found themselves talking about. It never got too personal, unless it got really personal. And when it got really personal, it didn’t last long; like they were always on the brink of breaking into a friendship, and then chickening out. In fact, it didn’t click that they were really friends to either of them, until the night before Junmyeon was due to start filming again. 

** Hey, Sehun. You around? **He didn’t always initiate. Especially not before their scheduled time. It was 9:45pm, he’d usually be trying to pass the next 90 minutes by ironing some shirts that probably weren’t even creased, changing his bedsheets, running lines he already had down and over-rehearsed, or something equally lame like that - without ever admitting he was only occupying himself until Sehun messaged him. 

_ Junmyeon-hyung. I am now. Is everything ok? _

** _Of course. Sorry to disturb you. I was… bored. _ **

_I know we always joke about this, but you don’t get out much, do you?_  
  
**** Sorry. I really didn’t mean to bother you.  
****   
_I’m teasing, Jun. You know I love talking to you._  
  
**** **Aren’t you busy?**  
****   
_Not right now. Want a confession?_  
  
**** **What have you done?**  
****   
_Nothing! I was… kind of staring at my phone trying to make up an excuse to message you. I’ve finished early for the night. But I psyched myself out, because, you know. We were sort of in a routine._  
  
**** **Oh Sehun.**  
****   
_Look, you’re the only person I talk to outside of the SM building. Tease me back all you want. That’s what friends are for._  
  
**** **I really wanted to vent, to be honest. You’re the first person I thought of. But I didn’t know if I could turn to you, because at this point I still feel like some strange man who you’ve ended up talking to for no reason whatsoever.**  
****   
_Are you kidding me? Who wouldn’t want to be friends with you? This is every person under 35’s dream, a freak-accident friendship with Kim Junmyeon. And I’m living it._  
  
**** **You need to get off the Golden subreddit.**  
****   
_ You have a lot of dedicated fans. Not just on reddit, if you know what I mean _  
_ Junmyeon, I’m totally joking. I did not look your name up on pornhub. _  
_ Junmyeon. _  
_ Junmyeon?_  
  
**Sorry, I had to make sure none of my sex scenes from that stripper movie I did were uploaded on there.**  
****   
_ What movie?? Brb _  
_Oh you ass. I knew you weren’t in anything not rated PG-13_

Junmyeon ignored the shiver that went down his spine at even the insinuation that Sehun could want to look at him like that. Even though it was just dumb banter.  
  
**** **Your willingness to look it up makes me feel real good, though. Glad someone’s interested, even if it’s just to take the piss out of me.**  
**  
**_According to pornhub - sorry, reddit - you have plenty of people interested. You don’t need to add me to the list. _

_Wait, you said you needed to vent. Here I am talking shit to you. What’s your number?_  
  
**** **Huh?**  
**  
**_Your phone number. I want to talk to you properly. _

Junmyeon felt a lump in his throat as he read the words. Sehun wanted to talk to him properly. As in… voice to voice. Like real friends. 

He feared that would make Sehun, the cute idol trainee with the dog and the beautiful smile and wonderful personality, a very real person that existed in Junmyeon’s life. Someone he could actually have a crush on. Because let’s face it, those jokes about Sehun being ‘interested’ in him? Not funny. Just words that made him blush a very deep shade of red. Words that would have made him stammer and splutter had they been said out loud.

No, talking to Sehun on the phone would be a challenge, one that Junmyeon didn’t think he had to prepare for. 

_ Also, I need to make sure you’re not catfishing me. Real Kim Junmyeon only, please. _

That was a fair point. Junmyeon couldn’t think of an excuse to back out of it. 

_ Perfect. If in two minutes a strange Korean number calls your phone, it’s probably me. _

** Gotcha **

Oh Sehun’s voice could sound like anything. He’d heard it briefly, well, he’d heard his laugh, in a video he’d sent him of dance practice a few nights ago. It was blurry, taken in a badly lit studio on a phone that had clearly been propped up on the floor. He’d wanted to show him how he kept messing up this one very simple kick move, not that Junmyeon knew much about dancing - it wasn’t the mistake that cracked him up as much as the way Sehun laughed at himself the second he messed up again, even though he expected it, probably did it purposefully for the video. 

It was a nice laugh. He probably had a nice voice. 

“Sehun?” 

Junmyeon definitely sounded pathetic as he picked up the phone half way through it’s first ring. 

“Junmyeon?” A perky, unexpectedly mature but light voice answered back. “Okay, you sound the right age. Say something your character would say.”

“Huh?”

“I’m making sure you’re not a catfish.”

“I’m not.”

“Prove yourself.”

“Uh,” Junmyeon hesitated, and then started speaking in Japanese, specifically putting on his characters Kansai accent. “You don’t watch the show dubbed in Korean, do you? Cause if you do, you don’t have anything to go by.” 

“Subtitles. I think I can trust you.”

“Perfect. Now just to see how you can prove you’re The Oh Sehun of SM’s hottest new duo, SxC.”

“Oh shut up. Don’t jinx it.”

Junmyeon laughed.

“You sound happy. I thought you needed to vent.”

“Maybe you just have a cheery effect on me. I don’t even remember what I was worried about, frankly.”

“Of course you do. You wouldn’t have given in to messaging me first if it wasn’t playing on your mind.”

What a thing to say; Junmyeon thought. _ Given in to messaging him first. _ Was he teasing him about waiting up nightly for their conversations? Was Sehun trying to _ flirt _ with him? 

No, definitely not. He probably wasn’t even into guys. It wouldn’t do well to get his hopes up for nothing. 

“I was worried about starting back filming tomorrow,” he said after a pause. “I haven’t had to see that Minseok guy since the photoshoot.”

“Right,” Sehun sounded like he genuinely understood. “You haven’t had to work with a difficult co-star before?”

“Not at all. I think, though, if difficult was all he was - you know, like a diva, or something silly - I could cope with that. It’s the fact that I’m walking into a room with a person who is armed full of nonsense ideas of who I am as a person. All he knows of me is what my ex said about me. Hell, if all someone knew about my ex before meeting him is what I’ve said about him in the past, they wouldn’t be too keen on spending any time with him. Them,” he caught himself the second time. He had never let the pronouns slip before. 

“What did this guy do to you, Junmyeon?” Sehun’s soft tone relaxed him instantly. Maybe he had spent too much time worrying about keeping the gender of his ex ambiguous during their brief conversations about him, for fear of Sehun seeing him differently. He knew from experience he could never be too careful. The fact that it didn’t seem to bother him actually brought a smile to his face. 

“It’s so hard to talk about.”

“Try me. I promise, I won’t judge.”

Junmyeon sighed. “We went to highschool together. A private school, you know, with weird class politics and uniforms that would look more appropriate for an Oscar’s ceremony than a classroom. We’d never really spoken much until a class trip.”

“Saw each other in a different light once the awful uniforms were removed from the equation?” Sehun guessed. 

“The uniforms stayed during excursions, excuse you.”

“Damn, private schools.”

“We just had this really weird moment. He looked at me the way no one had ever looked at me before. I’d never been in a relationship or kissed anyone before him. He had an aura around him, and I couldn’t believe he was interested in me. We talked a lot. He was desperate to get close to me - I felt lucky. I thought he was so handsome.”

“How long until it started going wrong?”

“Before it even began, looking back. Sehun, you have no idea how terrified that boy was. I can’t even describe it. Whenever we hung out, even before we were ‘boyfriends’, it was in private. I never mixed with his friend group. I never went to his house. I swear he waited until we were both 18 for us to be a thing so we could only hang out at hotels. He’d shower me in gifts and nights away and anything under the sun, but never real affection. I think he was too afraid to give me that. Which would have been fine if he didn’t… get my hopes up, I guess?”

“Go on.”

“He told me he was in love with me. Like, literally days into us knowing each other. And I fucking believed him. But damn, it was a strange version of love, let me tell you that. The minute he found out I got a job here in Japan, it was the end of us. He said I was dying to get away from him, that I didn’t want to give him a chance, that it was like an ultimatum, like, we either have to be public about our relationship or I’m leaving the country - and I swear it wasn’t like that, Sehun. I would have never pressured him into anything. We just wanted different things. I would have stayed for him if he could promise me he loved me and wanted to be with me. He just couldn’t say it.”

“Holy shit.”

“I had to take the job, Sehun. All I ever wanted to do was become an actor. Why would I stay, for a guy who couldn’t say he loved me? Who didn’t want to give us a chance? I would have stayed by his side for as long as he needed. I feel like he’s completely twisted what really happened between us and made me seem emotionally manipulative. All for passing an audition for something.”

“You did the right thing. That’s what I want to lead with.”

“Are you just saying that because you like the show?” Junmyeon smiled to himself. Talking about it felt weird. Especially to a stranger. 

But that was a lie. Sehun didn’t feel like a stranger. 

“No. I’m saying that because you are so much more than a first romance gone sour. You are so much more than someone who would rather keep you in a relationship that wasn’t right for either of you than let you go and follow your dreams. I have no experience with this stuff, so I’m talking out of my ass to be honest, Jun, but I am so glad you are where you are now.”

“You sound proud of your stranger from the internet.”

“Yep. _My_ stranger” he boasted, proudly. “Already one of the strongest people I’ve ever met.”

Junmyeon bit his lip. “Now that you know the abridged history of Jongin and I, what do I do about Minseok?”

“I think, as much as it hurts…,” Sehun was likely grimacing down the other end of the line. “You need to clear the air.”

“Oh no. I need to try talking to him again?”

“Yep.” 


	4. Idol Life

Just because Sehun had an evening off from his usual schedule that next day, did not mean his head wasn't still in complete overdrive. Nothing to do with work, of course. Why would it be? It wasn't like he was debuting (possibly, maybe, probably) in the next few months, stuck training for 14 hours a day, on the most restrictive diet he'd ever been put on since joining the company; those would be actual reasons to be overthinking and distracted from the movie him and Chanyeol were meant to be watching. It wasn't every day that they could go to the cinema because studio time was suspended thanks to make-or-break meetings about their careers. Sehun's brain couldn't even fathom being functional enough to be a normal teenager for a few hours.

How come? He was waiting for a text from Kim Junmyeon. Kim Junmyeon of fucking international fame, also known as his new best friend. And yes, Chanyeol was already sick of it. 

"Stop looking at your phone." The film had barely been rolling for thirty minutes, and it was the second time he had to elbow him in the side. "He's at work."

"I know that," Sehun hissed back. "But in some professions, you get_ lunch breaks._"

Chanyeol didn't respond with words, but rather with a piece of popcorn flicked and aimed right at his nose. Sehun tried to be sly about picking it up after it fell into his lap and eating it, but he definitely saw him. "Have some."

"No." How he wished he possessed Chanyeol's metabolism and didn't have to live off one meal a day; a meal consisting of little carbohydrates and a lot of protein, if things were in reverse, he could be the one with a bucket-sized cup of cola and cheesey nachos and sweet popcorn. _After my debut week, I am so getting pizza, _was the only non-Junmyeon related thought that popped into his head for the rest of the movie.

Don't get the wrong impression by any means - Junmyeon was not a distraction from Sehun's work. He loved what he did. If anything, he was more determined than ever to make something of himself, maybe that was being friends with someone who had made it in a different industry rather than being surrounded by a small percentage of people who make it and a large amount who are stuck in an endless cycle of hopeless training and cancelled debuts, maybe it was the idea that someone was so impressed by where he was at with his career already, when really it hadn't even started yet, or that someone like Junmyeon would make time for him and even compliment him. Maybe it was the fact that he was really beautiful and Sehun wanted to impress him.

It was definitely the latter. Sehun had a crush. It was glaringly obvious to anyone who knew him. Thankfully, he was only really close with Chanyeol and Yuta Nakamoto (who sat on Chanyeol's other side during the movie, completely oblivious to their hissing exchanges as he laughed at the dumb jokes and made his way through an entire packet of Maltesers while the trailers rolled because he was also blessed with weight that never fluctuated and generally God-given good looks, as well as already being in a successful group and having a slight taste of 'freedom' between albums), while the two of them teased him mercilessly, especially when they caught him marathoning Golden, they approved of the idea of Junmyeon. It wasn't a secret between the 3 of them that Sehun liked guys, he'd just never liked one that seemed like a good guy until now. Yuta knew him for a time when he had first moved to Korea, and thought it the most serendipitous story ever. Probably meant to be. A match made in heaven. 

That kind of talk made Sehun blush too much to handle; he'd usually find a way to exit the room by that point in the conversation. Let's face it, Junmyeon might not even be into him. 

"He's definitely gay, and he's definitely into you," Yuta said two hours later over dinner, through a mouthful of ramen, because what was the point in going out if you didn't have dinner at a ramen shop with your pals? "Trust me. He's too well-groomed to be straight." 

"Please tell me you're basing an assumption of the mans sexuality on something other than the fact that he owns a hairbrush and shaves. He's an actor. By that logic, every male Korean guy in the public eye is a homosexual aside from you," Sehun sniffed, gesturing at the greasy man bun atop Yuta's head. "Seriously. Do you shower between concerts?"

"I'm having a lazy day." 

"You're a terrible example," Chanyeol concurred. "Corrupting us young trainees with your casual ways."

"You just wait for your first post debut vacation. You're gonna forget how to say '_yoku_' in Korean," Yuta said _bath_ in Japanese, because he had genuinely forgotten. "See?"

"Don't avoid his question, Nakamoto. Sehun's right - is there anything else that actually makes you think this guy swings his way?" 

Sehun adored Chanyeol. He was always the ultimate wing-man - and saved him from some serious mistakes in the past. He wasn't so sure about coming out to him during the first year of their friendship. It was always a hard call, who to trust with that secret and who to not. It was easy to forget how lucky he was with the friends he had. When he thought about what Junmyeon had told him about his relationship with the Jongin guy, and how the secrecy and the, well, shame of said secrecy was what turned everything toxic, he realised that not everyone had it as easy as he did. That's why he didn't share everything they'd spoken about last night with the boys; it wasn't that they'd have a negative opinion of Junmyeon because of his sexuality, but because it wasn't his place to talk about it. The fact that he was a very famous actor only added to that. 

"It's not just vibes, ok? It's not that it's obvious that he is, it's that it's obvious he likes Sehun."

"How is it obvious that he likes me? We've barely been talking three weeks."

"That's long enough."

"Is it?" Sehun and Chanyeol blinked at each other. Yuta looked exasperated.

"Come on, you two. Chanyeol, you ever had a crush on someone?"

"Uh, sure."

"Did it take you three weeks to finalise whether you were going to be attracted to them, or was it instant?"

"Uh... instant."

"Sehun, when did you realise you were attracted to Junmyeon?"

He grit his teeth. "About two messages deep. After I looked at his profile picture."

"So why are you saying he can't have a crush on you because he's only known you for twenty days?"

"Just because he could have a crush on me doesn't mean that he does, though."

"You are painful." 

Of course Sehun was painful around this kind of thing. He'd never had a boyfriend. He kind of put the idea of relationships aside considering he got accepted at SM Entertainment, which meant that dating was pretty much off the cards for a long time, be it girls or boys. Training, career, love. That was the order, with each task to be completed before he moved on to the next. That's how it worked for everyone; it wasn't something to be toyed with. Junmyeon returning his feelings for him would be a massive inconvenience, so he hoped for both their sakes that he didn't.

Kind of. 

"Are you done yet?" Chanyeol was watching Yuta slurp his ramen with the slightest hint of disgust twinkling in his eyes; an expression that cracked a laugh out of oh-so-serious Sehun. 

"I'm enjoying my food. Back off, Loey." 

All three of the boys jumped as Sehun's phone vibrated on the table, the wood echoing the sound, turning it into something a lot louder and almost threatening. "Is it him?" Yuta was speaking with his mouth full again. 

Sehun snatched the phone into his hand. "Well, give me a chance to check first." Honestly, they were acting more nervous than he was. It was of course Junmyeon - no one else ever texted him - but his heart still flipped inside his chest when his name flashed up. "And he is on a lunch break," he said, skimming the message. 

"Yeah, two hours later."

**Hey Sehun. It's Junmyeon - just in case you forgot to save my number last night haha. It's been a long day. So long. Finally eating lunch if you can call a bowl of fruity pebbles lunch. How are you?**

_I'm really good. Partial days off are the best. Me, Chanyeol and Yuta are eating ramen. _

**Hey, now I want ramen. Tell Yuta I said hi. **

"Junmyeon says hi, Yuta."

"Aw. Yay. I'm loved," he beamed in response.

"What am I, invisible?" 

"Shut up. He doesn't know you. We're basically bee-eff-effs."

Sehun rolled his eyes. "Both of you be quiet."

_How are you? Did you talk to Minseok?_

**Haven't had much of a chance, to be honest. We had this read through this morning after the cast breakfast, but I was surrounded by so many people there I didn't even glimpse him. The read through was so weird though. He was so in character it was like I wasn't even interacting with him whenever we had scenes. It was kind of a false sense of security. I thought I could offer him a smile on the way out, but he was cold as ever as soon as we left the round-table**

_Suppose work is gonna be a harder place than we thought for you to clear the air_

**Yep. And I don't think he'll agree to another coffee date**

_I just don't want you to be miserable at work. _

**I was hoping he wouldn't be good at his job. He's really talented. I could see him being really popular and probably staying forever. please help**

_When will you be home, do you think?_

**Probably around 11:30. **

_Should I call you then?_

**You should probably take advantage of your free evening and get some sleep.**

_Come on, hyung, I need the gossip. _'Come on, Junmyeon, I miss your voice, I'm lame and awkward and desperate for your attention', he meant.

**I'm trying to be a good influence here.**

_Meh, both my friends are already horrible influences on me. What's a third? _

**I'll talk to you tonight so. **

_Enjoy your fruity pebbles <3 _

"Enjoy your fruity pebbles," Yuta shook his head after reading over their conversation. "That's what constitutes flirting these days?"

"That and unnecessary use of -hyung via text," Chanyeol peered at the screen. "Really, Sehun?"

"It wasn't unnecessary! I don't know him well enough to go straight in with 'Jun'," he argued. 

"Yeah, because I totally didn't hear you whimper 'Jun-hyung' in your sleep last night." 

Sehun's face suddenly felt very very hot. "Let's go home." 


	5. Slip Of The Tongue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a CW: sexual content in Chapter 5.

"I'm not staying at our dorm tonight, by the way," Chanyeol thought to tell Sehun on the bus back to the SM building that evening. "I'm staying with Yuta and the boys after our meeting." 

"Thanks for the invite?" He wasn't sure what to make of it. 

"I'm giving you some privacy."

*

Sehun knew exactly what Chanyeol meant by that; and was unsure whether to be grossed out or endeared by the fact that he was such a good friend. Either way, it meant he had the time and space to talk to Junmyeon that night at their arranged time - sticking to their routine as per - without having to be mindful of keeping his roommate up. It also meant other things that he really wished were just a personal concern of his, not something his friends thought about too. 

It had been a day full of ups and downs for him. The morning dance session was hard going, and following it up with cancelled studio time had put his head in a state of worry. There was something about how Chanyeol didn't express his own anxieties outwardly that calmed him - he wondered if that was just the way he was as a person, or the role he assumed as the older of the two in their duo. Either way, he was grateful. He was also grateful for Junmyeon, sweet Junmyeon who definitely had not been avoiding him just because he had a long start to his first day back on set. Junmyeon who spent any time he could talking to him, Junmyeon who had supported him through every little stupid rant or worry over the last couple of weeks, who was patient with every question he had about being in the public eye, because it was a real possibility now, more so than ever before, that Sehun would be in that position. Sehun, who still felt like a kid. Sehun, who just took thing day by day, until the days got bigger. Bigger than him. 

"Good evening," Sehun said softly when Junmyeon picked up that nights call, a smile playing on his lips. "Any news?"

"None at all. I ran away as soon as my scenes were done. Had to wash my makeup off in my own shower."

He laughed. He'd not said anything particularly funny, but God. If he wasn't sure he had feelings for him before now, the way his heart fluttered would have given it away. "You might have more luck tomorrow."

"I don't know, Sehun. Maybe I just need to live with it. I can't be everyone's friend."

"Well, I'm glad I made the cut."

"Of course you did," Junmyeon matched his sweet tone. "You're amazing. How did that meeting go? Your text was very brief."

"We didn't expect one today. We had to rush from the ice cream parlour."

"Ooh, hold up. What did you get? I'd love ice cream. Why did you say that? Sehun, are you a psychopath?"

"I'm sorry! I didn't know you had a penchant for it."

"Just break the news swiftly."

"Well, I just had shaved ice. Chanyeol had a cup with coconut, cookies and cream, and bubblegum. Yuta had a cone. Toffee and banana." 

"You're a simple man, I see."

"I thought it was the best of a bad lot. I'm watching my weight before the D word."

"It must be getting really serious if you're scared of saying the D word."

"So close, Junmyeon. I think we're being announced soon."

"Are you serious?"

The meeting was serious, so serious. Sehun looked to Chanyeol to do the talking the entire time, he didn't have the stomach for it. They were talking about a photoshoot, teaser images, and the word that made it all real - schedule. They had one week to finalise their plans and let them know what direction they were going with. Sehun explained it all to Junmyeon, how it was make or break, how the rug could be pulled from under them after all their hard work in one final meeting - or, alternately, the good news could bring the kind of hard work he couldn't even dream up for them. As he spoke, he realised something - it wasn't fear that he felt in his gut. It was excitement. It was longing. 

Junmyeon let a minute of silence pass before speaking again. "You know what? I think this is your time. I can just feel it."

"Really, now? You're a psychic?"

"No. You're just amazing. Anyone could see that."

Sehun blushed. Thank fuck they weren't doing this via video call - he was far too prone to flushed cheeks where Junmyeon was concerned, these days. "You know what, I'm going to accept your compliment, because you're brilliant, so you clearly know what you're talking about."

"Sehun?"

"Yeah?"

Another pause. "You know what. Nothing. Ignore me."

"Jun-hyung, are you okay?"

"More than okay. I promise. I'm smiling."

"There's something on your mind. Is it to do with Minseok and the whole Jongin situation?"

Sehun pulled his duvet up to his chin and made sure it was wrapped around his whole body while he waited for him to answer. He just wanted to curl up in this crappy single bed and covers set with him. It was lame, but it was all he could think about. He didn't want him to be caught up in feelings for his ex. He wanted him to like him back. So desperately. "You can talk to me," Sehun reassured him as the silence continued on. "That's what I'm here for."

"Where are you right now?"

"Bed. Pyjamas and the works. Smothering myself with the duvet to stay warm."

"Me too. Cold night over there too, then?"

"It's always cold in our bedroom. You should turn the heating on, you can afford that."

"So can SM Entertainment, I'm sure."

"I don't like to push my luck as a trainee." A beat. "Why do you ask, anyway?"

"I just wanted to know if you were comfortable."

"I am. I have the place to myself for the night, a very rare luxury."

"Wow."

"Yeah. You live alone, don't you?" He always assumed as much, but never really thought to ask.

"Of course. I don't think I could cope with a roommate."

"Do you ever get lonely? I'm glad to be rid of Chanyeol for a while, trust me, but...,"

"But you'd miss the safety of someone sleeping near you."

"Yeah."

"I get like that. That's why I like talking to you at night, even that late."

"Do you... think of me, before you sleep?" Sehun breathed. It was a stupid question. It sounded dumb, there was no need to say it, it was so much creepier and more suggestive than he had intended it when he thought it. He just wanted to know if he brought him the same comfort. 

"Of course I do. Do you even have to ask?"

Sehun bit his lip. Maybe it was the long day taking it's toll on him, but he felt something akin to a palpitation starting in his chest. "I didn't know."

"You make me feel very safe." Sehun could hear him shuffle around on the other end of the line. "I... I'm glad I know you."

"Junmyeon?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there something unspoken between us?" 

Where the courage to ask that came from, Sehun would never figure out. He was just glad he did. He would come to thank the sun and the heavens and every star in the sky for the rest of his life that he asked that innocent, sad, pining question to the guy that he was falling for. Because what he responded was, while completely obvious to anyone but him, what he never thought he'd hear from another guy, let alone one that he liked. 

"I like you, Sehun."

How could he respond to that? "Oh." It was the only noise he could manage. "Oh, you're serious."

"Is that what you were asking me?"

"Of course... of course it was."

"I can't get you off my damn mind."

He could hear his breath getting heavy, and fuck, if it didn't change something inside of him - Sehun felt like he lost complete control of his own actions. Something about Junmyeon's breathy voice and the words he was saying, it awoke what he hadn't dared to think about since meeting him. He didn't notice himself push the duvet back away from him as he lay flat down on the bed, head supported by two pillows propped against his headboard. 

"You're the first person I've had feelings for in such a long time, Sehun."

"Why me?" 

"Oh fuck... fuck, how could it not be you? You're so gorgeous. Such a talent. The kindest person in the world. And you are so... so hot."

"Put me on loudspeaker," Sehun whispered, doing the same. "I take it you're alone."

"Fuck."

"Have you... have you ever?"

"Do I have to answer that?" Junmyeon was shy. Maybe it was an act. Maybe Sehun didn't care. "I don't want to seem like a creep."

"Trust me, I will not find it creepy."

"Once. I let myself... once."

Sehun took a sharp breath in. "Was it... was it good?"

"I haven't been able to keep a straight train of thought since. I didn't want to keep giving in... but God, Sehun... have you?"

"Me?" He turned on the innocence. "No, hyung. I was too ashamed."

"Fucking hell." Was it possible to hear someone squirm? Because Sehun was full sure he did just that, and it was making his boner so much harder to ignore than ever. 

"I wouldn't without your permission anyway, hyung." 

"Sehun, I swear to fuck."

"Can I?"

"Only if you promise I can hear every second, sweetheart."

"Can you help me out?"

"Now, how would I do that?"

"Tell me. Tell me what you thought about that time you got yourself off thinking about me."

Sehun let his hand trail underneath the band of his boxers as Junmyeon found his words. As he talked about thinking about being on his knees in front of him, he took his throbbing cock and slowly began to tease himself. He didn't want to waste this. If this was a really, really good dream, then he wanted it to last as long as possible - not that that was going to be a realistic possibility, not once Junmyeon found the swing of his dirty talk, and to say he had a filthy mouth would be an understatement. Sehun had not pegged him to be such a giver, maybe he was just telling him what he correctly guessed would get him off the most, but Junmyeon seemed just as affected by his words as their intended recipient. 

"I thought about palming your cock through your underwear, kissing at the fabric, just to make you really want me. You know what I mean? So you'd really know what I was doing to you. So you'd know I was taking my time with you. Worshipping your cock like you deserve."

"Please be touching yourself right now, hyung."

"Of course I am, darling." 

"What - what next?"

"Well, I'd have my fun with that, but my own boner would be becoming an issue at that point, before I even got to taste you. So I'd surprise you by pulling your boxers down without any warning, and taking your entire length into my mouth."

"Fuck,"

"Ever gotten a blowjob, Sehunnie?"

"N-no... no, I've never even...,"

"Never what?"

"Never kissed anyone," he grimaced, the embarrassment of that sentence sinking in, only made worse that the humiliation of admitting he was a virgin in this very specific situation turned him on even more. "I haven't wanted anyone like I want you, not ever."

"That's so sweet."

"J-junmyeon," Sehun should have slowed down, but he didn't have the self control.

"You're close, aren't you?"

"I'm s-sorry, hyung, I'm so close...,"

"Come on. Think about my lips wrapped around that gorgeous fucking dick of yours, Sehun. Think about shooting that load down my throat, think about how I can't possibly be mad at how pathetically soon you came, because I'm so desperate to taste your cum for the first time."

"Oh my god, J-jun,"

"Please, baby. Let yourself. Let yourself for me."

Sehun couldn't hear a fucking thing as he came. He knew Junmyeon was finishing himself off as he was, he knew that he sounded so beautiful, but the minute that he moaned his name, he couldn't take it anymore. He bit down on his pillow to stop himself from making too much noise, but it was loud enough for Junmyeon to hear him on the other end of the phone. 

"Holy shit, Sehun." 

"I think I like you, Junmyeon," he mumbled. "I really think I do."

"You have no idea how happy that makes me." 

"Junmyeon? You know we make no sense, right?"

"We make perfect sense."

"But -,"

"I don't want to think about that, Sehun. I just want to fall asleep with you next to me."

"I can do that."

"We can have that discussion tomorrow, can't we?"

"Okay. As long as it can have a happy ending."

"We'll think of one somehow."

"You're just a dream, right?"

"I'm real, Sehun."

"I'm real too, Junmyeon."

"Sweet dreams."

"I love you."


	6. Back To Earth

Junmyeon wished he could stop time.

There was a final moment that he could recall just before he and Sehun had drifted off to sleep, phones still connected, breathing somehow in sync. He was only slightly aware that his battery could die during the night, and he might not wake up with him. Sehun had said the three words, the I and the love and the you, and then tried to apologise, and Junmyeon stopped him, of course he stopped him from taking them back, because if he didn't have those, he felt like he had nothing. This safe space with him was where he wanted to exist. Stopping time right there and then would solve almost all of his problems. He wouldn't have to worry about feeling like an outcast at his own workplace, he wouldn't have to live through the conversation that could so easily not have the happy ending that Sehun so desperately wanted, and so deserved. How could Junmyeon give himself to Sehun, knowing full well that he'd be a distraction from his budding career? He was so close. He was so, so damn close. He didn't want to be the one to fuck it up for him.

It sucked. Everything about falling asleep together was perfect, aside from the fact that he was actually in South Korea, not in the same bed as him. Why should there be an end to it? Why shouldn't he just get to stop time, just this once? His character on Golden could. He could stop it for his own personal gain and use, and he took it for granted, because he had always been able to hit that mental pause button. How was that fair; what kind of irony was that?

"Junmyeon," he could hear Sehun mutter in his sleep. "Junmyeon...,"

That. Right there. That's where he would push pause.

Like everything good, their night came to an end. Junmyeon had to groggily hang up on a still sleeping Sehun, not without whispering a sweet 'talk to you later, love', put on his big boy shoes, and go to work. Work, which had always brought him peace and satisfaction and confidence and a sense of accomplishment, that was now no longer a safe ground to walk on. It was a reminder of why he wasn't at home anymore. A manifestation of all the bad things that people thought about him. 

He couldn't stop thinking about it. Had he been the villain all along in a story where he was all too willing to play the victim; blame anyone and everyone but himself, placing himself in a self imposed state of exile? Had he pushed Jongin too far all those years ago, and run crying when he finally snapped? Minseok might have the right idea about him instead of the wrong impression. And that was a thing he couldn't talk about to anyone, he could barely stand the thought himself.

Seeing Minseok around set unnerved him. The way he seemed like a perfectly normal, maybe even wonderful person. Junmyeon wished he could paint him as an asshole, base his entire opinion on him off of their one conversation, and the way he had blanked him since, but how could he? Sure, Minseok had judged him on hearsay, but Junmyeon probably would have done the same had his best friend confided in him about a horrible breakup. It's natural to take your best friend's side; and there were always two sides to every story. Junmyeon would have loved nothing more than to believe he wasn't in the wrong, Jongin broke his heart and that was that. He knew as well as Minseok did that Jongin wasn't evil, and harsh words used during a fight that led to a breakup did not automatically make him the bad guy. 

If only he could straighten things out between him and Minseok, at least for the sake of work. But getting him alone proved a difficult task. 

"Hey," Junmyeon said, cheerily, when he found himself at the buffet table in catering at the same time as him.

He blanked him.

Later, when he passed by as Minseok was getting his makeup touched up, he tried again. 

"How are you feeling about our scene today?"

He blanked him. 

He didn't actually get a verbal response from him until just before the cameras started rolling when the time came for said scene - Junmyeon, rather unprofessionally, went for "Have you been ignoring me all day, by any chance?" in the most _patronising_ tone he'd ever used. 

"Yes," an equally patronising nod followed.

"And... _action._"

*

A knock on the door of his dressing room filled Jummyeon with a spark of hope that Minseok had come to his senses and decided to talk to him, finally; but when he opened up he just found one of his regular costars ready to wave him off for the day. 

"Oh, hey, Ren-kun. Good work today," he smiled. They had been working together since day zero of Golden; playing opposite each other as best friends. Their relationship on set was everything you could hope for in a scene partner, something he'd been looking forward to with the new cast members, ironically enough. 

"You too. Are you coming for drinks tonight?"

"Drinks?" Junmyeon raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I didn't know we were planning on drinks."

"Really? Minseok said he'd invited everyone. How silly of him." Ren of course didn't think anything of this, assuming it was probably just the new guy losing track of how many new people he was meeting, he had no idea that this was clearly another attempt to avoid having to interact with him. "Well, we're going to be at our usual spot in about an hour. It'd be nice to catch up properly."

"Yeah, Ren," Junmyeon nodded. "Maybe I will pop by. Out of curiosity, who suggested tonight? Don't we usually do Thursday?"

"It was Minseok's idea. Don't worry, I know he's new in town, but he's been told all about our regular haunt, so he won't be dragging us to any dives," he laughed. "I'll see you later."

"See you."

The cast of Golden were notorious for not being the wildest night out in town. They really only drank in one establishment, sat around a table, and drank beer while chatting about work. There was the odd game of darts, pool, one or two rounds of shots, but in general, they were sensible. They avoided hangovers before work the next day. It was more about socialising together and knowing each other outside of their respective characters on the show. Junmyeon liked that. The bar was a building adjoined to the hotel he tended to stay at, too, so there was no reason not to throw caution to the wind and go along with these plans. Even though he'd been explicitly not invited. Minseok made such a good impression on everyone else, he wouldn't dare ignore him or start a fight with him in front of them. It was Junmyeon's only chance at getting Minseok to have a conversation with him. 

He kept enough nice clothes in his dressing room that he could make himself presentable for a night out with his cast - twenty minutes, a white button down shirt, clean black pants, slab of hair gel and a pair of freshly shined shoes later, he was ready to follow them to Shibuya. He decided against showing up in his private car for fear Minseok might see it and sneer at him for some reason. He didn't need him getting the impression that he was a snob or anything, on top of everything else. The subway would take him long enough that by the time he got to Shibuya and completed the journey to the bar on foot, he would be one of the last to arrive. He figured that if he showed up when there was a big enough group, he could pretend not to see if Minseok gave him the finger or shooed him away as he approached their table. 

The rain had halted for the first time all day when he hopped off at his subway stop, so he took the chance and half-ran out of the maze of a station that he knew all too well thanks to frequenting the area almost weekly for the past four years, across the road and down a long street until he reached the familiar corner he had to turn. It wasn't a quiet area, but it wasn't particularly busy - one club that attracted an older crowd, a few business hotels, one nice hotel - his usual - and of course, his bar of choice. It was one of those places that you'd feel comfortable drinking in even if you didn't go out a lot. The lighting was soft and warm, there was a roaring fire in the comfy area (where you could opt for sofas and armchairs as your space for the night instead of bar stools or long tables), the music was never so loud that conversation was impossible. It suited Junmyeon's personality to a tee. 

He was familiar with the staff, of course. And the regulars. As he took off his coat and shoes on the way in, he saluted the two older business men who always sat at the bar at this time of night, and a family of four that often ate there and tended to opt for one of the tables near the front windows. He also waved at the bartender.

"Good evening, Kim-san," he nodded back at him. "What will we be having tonight? Drinks or food?"

"Just here for some drinks with the usual crowd."

"Oh, good! Well, you're the first one of you lot here, but your table is free, so I'll bring you down some beer to get you started if you like?"

"No one's here yet?" Junmyeon glanced at his watch. It was 11:30pm. "Sure. Some beer would be great." 

Okay, so his plan backfired. He'd just intercept them instead. Maybe they'd gone to eat somewhere else as a group first. Which would be kind of mean of them, but he wasn't technically invited, so he wouldn't be surprised at Minseok hearding them all into a McDonald's. Instead of worrying about details like that, Junmyeon sat at the head of a long table in the back of the lounge area, nursed a first pint of beer, and took turns staring at the entrance and his phone. 

He had some texts from Sehun he hadn't gotten to respond to since telling him he had to get ready for his night out, so that kept him calm.

_ Hope you had a better day at work than yeserday. x  _

_ Just so you know, still no news. Not that I was expecting any this week. But it's super nerve wrecking _

_ I know you're busy and I'm texting you like an idiot lol I just want to make sure we're still good even though we haven't really had our talk yet _

_ Chanyeol keeps teasing me I think he knows something happened but I don't know what to say because maybe you just wanna forget about it? _

_ Junmyeon I'm so annoying I'm so sorry _

**Hey, you're not annoying. Sorry about the radio silence. Made it to the bar alive**

_Oh, good. Hows it going?_

**No one's here yet**

_Wtf, they're slow_

**What are you up to?**

_I'm mostly just invested in whats going on in your life tbh... I should go practice for a while, though. I have an evaluation in three days_

**You still get those?**

_Dude, they never end. _

**Go practice. I'll text you when I'm done here and we can talk if you're still awake**

_Wake me up with a phone call if it's late and I'm not answering your texts. I wanna talk to you_

**Ok. I promise you, it's gonna be ok**

_What is?_

**Everything. Your evaluation, your debut, my night, our conversation, us. Everything will be fine**

_I'll hold you to that _

**Sehun?**

_Yeah, Jun?_

**Nothing. I'll tell you later**

He looked away from his phone with a smile on his face, clutching the device close to his chest and closing his eyes. He could feel the positive influence Sehun had on him - everything within him just seemed to relax a little more after talking to him. It was hard to explain, but it really gave him the overwhelming urge to shout about how much he loved him. But that was probably best saved for after they had sorted things out between them.

Junmyeon knew all too well that taking things too fast was a terrible idea, and yet, this was the second time he'd found himself in a position where he had all-consuming feelings for someone who wouldn't stop him if he did get carried away. He had to be more careful this time. For Sehun's sake. If he did to him what he seemed to have done to Jongin... he'd never forgive himself. 

It was only when his one pint turned into three, and the 5 litre jug of beer disappeared before his own eyes, that Junmyeon realised time tended to pass very quickly when he got lost in thoughts about Sehun. And that the others were probably not coming. 

"Can we get you anything else, Kim-san?"

"No, thank you."

"Ended up a lonely one, after all?"

"Yes, sir," he tried to hide it with a smile. "Couldn't leave the beer undrunk, though. That would be rude."

He didn't know what to think; but at the same time, he knew what happened. It was too damn obvious. Minseok had clearly gotten wind that he knew about the plan to go for drinks and changed the location last minute. Why Ren hadn't text him the change in plans surely had a simple explanation. Maybe Minseok had told them all about what an awful person Junmyeon was. Whatever the reasons for any of this, it was 1am by the time he accepted defeat and retired next door to see if a room was available. 

*

"You'll never guess what happened,"

"You're calling suspiciously early. That can't be a good thing."

"Well, let's put it this way - I'm in a bath tub, I've had almost 5 litres of beer to myself, and you're the first person I've spoken to aside from hospitality staff members in hours."

"Oh no. They didn't show up?"

Junmyeon grimaced. "Yep. Hey, at least I'm not keeping you up past your normal bedtime. Did you get much practice in?"

"Yep! Chanyeol spotted me. He really judged me like our trainers do. Very harshly. But it helped."

"Hope he wasn't too mean."

"Nah, he couldn't pull off mean. He loves me really."

"Sensible man."

Sehun laughed. "I know we need to talk, but I feel like the conversation would be a bit too honest with you drunk."

"I am not drunk."

"Do you drink much?"

"No, rarely to be honest."

"Then you're drunk. A jug of beer is definitely enough to get someone like you drunk."

"Don't say that, I have early scenes tomorrow. I have to be out of here at 4:30am, so I booked two nights."

"You should sleep."

"Bath, nap, work, then I can have a real sleep."

"Our schedules sure can suck."

"The things we do."

"I'm glad we still make time for each other."

"Well," Junmyeon paused. "You're the most important thing to me right now."

"See? Too honest. You're already saying things that are making me blush."

"Hey, you're the one who said you love me. You think that didn't make me blush?"

"Fair point."

"And, you were sober."

"I'd been hanging out with Yuta all day. He could have put anything in my drink at dinner."

"Sure, blame Yuta."

"Nah, you're right. I don't regret what I said. Just that I couldn't hold my tongue. I could have made things so awkward."

"But you didn't, darling," Junmyeon found himself sighing, sinking deeper back into the warm bubbles towering in the tub. "You made me so happy."

"How the hell do you bathe with your phone in your hand, anyway, Jun?"

"Oh, I have it on the little shelf thing. The one for soap. And you're on loudspeaker."

"Explains the echo."

"Look, I do what I can."

"At least you're hands free."

"What in the living hell does that mean, Sehun?"

"That was my weak attempt at flirting."

He laughed. God, he was cute. "You really want to start talking like that? When you don't have your room to yourself for the night?"

"Crap. I forgot Chanyeol will at some point be coming back from the bathroom."

"It's a shame." 

"We'll work something out."

Junmyeon and Sehun didn't end up having a difficult conversation that night - much like Junmyeon and Minseok, it was clearly destined for another day. What he did know was that things seemed completely normal between them, there wasn't a hint of awkwardness, and maybe, maybe things could be okay. As long as Junmyeon distracted himself from the thoughts that he shouldn't be with Sehun for fear of breaking his heart, he could breathe easy. The problem was, he could only distract himself by talking to Sehun - and talking to Sehun made him fall even more in love with him by the minute. 

It was another night where they fell asleep with their phones still connected, and Junmyeon knew it was to become a part of their routine. A routine that had sprung from over a month of knowing each other. Was five weeks long enough to be feeling this way about someone he had never met? 

"I love you," Sehun mumbled again. 

"Sweet dreams."

"Junmyeon, please say it back. Please say it if you mean it."

"You know I do."

"Please, Jummyeon."

His heart hurt hearing Sehun, sounding so small, so desperate for him, in the most innocent of ways. He didn't want to push it. He didn't want to make it harder on them than it had to be. But it was Sehun asking for the re-assurance, Sehun needing the safety and the comfort of words, Sehun wanting this relationship. That was the difference between what he had gone through before - Jongin never wanted that from him. He didn't have to be afraid of Sehun throwing it back in his face. No matter how secret their relationship would have to stay, or how hard being away from each other would be on them, Junmyeon knew they'd never regret what they had. That was the only way he brought himself to say it back, again. "I love you, Sehun."

"I love you, Junmyeon." 

"I know. You said."

"You deserve to hear it twice. Because I love you at least twice as much as I ever thought was possible to love anyone."

Junmyeon waited in silence with his phone pressed to his ear for Sehun to fall asleep, as if his breathing would seem closer and more real, maybe even warm, the closer he held it to his skin. As soon as he was sure he'd drifted off, he let the silent tears run down his cheeks. 


	7. Lonely

Hotels were meant to be lonely places. Junmyeon frequented this one not just because he loved taking baths, as he’d have the curious believe, but because his loneliness was fitting to the idea of a hotel room. Homes weren’t meant to house that kind of emptiness. When he returned to his apartment at the end of a work day, or isolated himself in it during vacations, he would feel uneasy. He’d adapted to living in a hotel room. Somehow, it had started to help him feel closer to Sehun, too. 

Showing up at work the next day was embarrassing. To lack confidence around your castmates as the lead actor was less than ideal, and Junmyeon had lost it all. The worst part was that he couldn’t bring himself to find out what happened - he didn’t want to ask Ren where they’d gotten to, and trying to persist with the talk-to-Minseok agenda was off the cards. He felt small. Bringing his all to his role was about all he could manage, and even at that, he was disappointed with his performance. He was starting to find his own flaws; the real ones, not the little things he knew were annoying about himself, but real things that he hated about himself. His head wanted to blame it all on Minseok, his heart knew that he was projecting onto an issue that probably could blow over if he knew how to handle his own emotions.

But Junmyeon had never learned to do that. 

“Good work today, Junmyeon.”  
The director was always sweet to him. He could see the sadness in his eyes as he said it, which made him think he was lying or having some kind of pity on him.   
“Thank you,” he accepted anyway. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He couldn’t help but find the routine stale. Wake up early, survive work, go home to whatever bed his head could cope with the best that night, talk to Sehun, fall asleep, repeat. It was a rut he was starting to get stuck in. Sehun was the best part of his day and he’d never met him. He was just an outlet for all of the feelings he couldn’t reign in and keep inside of his brain. That didn’t mean the feelings weren’t real - it just meant he knew he wasn’t being responsible with them. 

He was terrified of hurting him. And the conversation had to happen - and it wasn’t going to happen over the phone. They had gotten far too comfortable with the safety of each other’s voices. All Junmyeon could hear when he spoke to Sehun was the sound of a boy who could be his world, a boy who adored him just as much in return, someone he could exist in a bubble with until something inevitably burst it. He couldn’t let that happen. If Sehun was going to love him like he said he did, he had to know the real Junmyeon, no matter how hard it was for him to put into words all the reasons he knew he didn’t deserve him. 

According to his usual schedule, Sehun would still be in practice by the time Junmyeon was reunited with his laptop. It gave him about an hour to pen the message he needed to send, what he needed to get off his chest before he got in too deep. 

_ Sehun, _

_ I don’t want to scare you with this brick of an email. I’m just sitting down to write it now, and I know it’s going to be long, and I know some of it might be hard to read, but I need to lay my cards out on the table. You deserve to know what goes on inside my messy as heck brain, because Sehun, there are so many things you just don’t and won’t know about me if we continue on the way we are. You are amazing. We have known each other for such a short time but I know that you deserve so much more than I could ever give you. I don’t mean that in a self deprecating way, not really anyway - I just think you’re something special. Like I’ve never spent a second in your physical presence and yet I know you have that something in your eye. That something that means you’re destined for the best things. Am I one of those good things in your life? I don’t think I can know that for certain right now. I have too many thoughts about why I would be a terrible boyfriend, and I know we haven’t had that discussion because the word is scary and it means so much and to be honest, if I weren’t writing this, I would be avoiding the subject for as long as possible. I’m making it intense now before it gets out-of-hand intense all on it’s own. _

_ What you need to understand about me is that my head never shuts up. Like, I can live my life, Sehun, and if I’m in a routine and I’m surviving off of that monotony then my brain might not be that loud, but there’s always something. Things catch me off guard all the time. Like, my job is so ridiculously overwhelming, and if I stop and think about it, then that’s me done. I may as well write myself off for days on end because I’ll over analyze every single thing and drive myself insane. I don’t know if you’ve ever felt that? Or if that makes any sense? I’m trying to make a point that it’s very easy for me to overwhelm myself. I think it’s because I have so many feelings that I find hard to express. They all exist within me and can be stimulated in different ways, and I know how to show them - theoretically, on paper - but maybe they don’t translate well. So if I ever say something or if I ever have a reaction to something that seems incorrect or slightly funny, please know that it wasn’t me taking offense to that thing, or me being warped and twisted or whatever. I’m not saying I’d start laughing hysterically if you told me your dog was kidnapped, but I am saying that if my dog died, I'd probably be really sad and yet too embarrassed to actually outwardly react. I’m sorry I used our pups as examples there. I kind of just remembered I have to pay my neighbour for looking after Byul and felt awful because I forgot to hand in her cheque for last weeks babysitting duties. _

_ What was I saying? Oh yeah, my fatal flaws. Delayed or strange reactions. You’ll get to know me better and realise that I’m not emotionless, just afraid of being seen as someone who actually has emotions. I think that’s why I’m a good actor. I can pluck out everything I know about how I should have reacted in a similar situation, and it’s like I’m re-doing it. Like when you think of a great comeback to an argument, half an hour after it’s been resolved. _

_ I wonder how you would find me in that regard. I do feel things intensely. I wouldn’t be so head over heels in love with you already if I didn’t. Would you take offense if you thought my eyes didn’t look sincere, should I get the chance to tell you in person? I hope beyond anything I could do it right. Maybe a combination of my smile and my eyes and my touch and my voice, something might just work. I’m already so frightened of not being good enough for you, and not just in that regard. _

_ There are so many annoying things about me, Sehun. Do you know how messy I am? If I could just learn to separate my laundry and use a wardrobe for it’s intended purpose instead of having a ‘to iron’ pile on the floor I haven’t hoovered in weeks, that’d be great. I don’t really cook for myself. I just eat instant ramen or go out or maybe order in. I would be a pretty terrible spouse. We’d spend all our money on ramen. What kind of life is that, Sehun? You’re probably laughing at me but it’s true. Like, I’m weird with money. I won’t make large purchases, especially not things that are useful to me or would help me fill fulfilled, but I would probably buy someone a car if they said they’d like one. I think I grew up with money, so coming into it myself just made me feel like I had a means to fill my urge to please others. Money is a currency but it cannot buy you love or friendship or acceptance and I have had to learn that the hard way. From picking up every single tab at the pub on work nights out, to being stood up and not even acknowledged or apologised to. I can’t bring myself to feel angry about that? Is there something wrong with me? I just want to tell them all that it’s okay, and I’ll buy us all dinner sometime and we can catch up then. Is that how human brains are meant to work? Shouldn’t I be mad at them, instead of trying to think of ways to make it better and pretend that never happened? _

_ Same with Minseok. Surely I should mark my territory. It’s my damn place of work, and yet I feel intimidated by him. I’m making up excuses as to why he’s in the right and I’m in the wrong. But wait, maybe that’s the truth? I really need to unpack that. I don’t know where to start. Uh. let me just… let me elaborate on it all. _

_ If I had my head screwed on from the start Jongin and I never would have happened. He was really popular in high school… there was just this air of humble, handsome, sweet, perfect boyfriend material about him. There’s always that guy or two in a class. It’s not his fault he was popular. I put myself in this awful position where we acted on feelings - physical feelings at first, I have to add, even though I don’t want to talk about him with you because I don’t want you to think my feelings for him were even comparable to what my feelings for you are, but the point is that it was really selfish. We never had a talk. I can’t make that same mistake with you. _

_ My overwhelming emotions really made me the bad guy in the relationship. I found it hard to express love towards him after things like, you know. Say we slept together. It was the only time he allowed himself to be anyway vulnerable with me. Where he kept his walls up on purpose at all other times, and let them down when we were intimate, I was kind of opposite. As soon as we’d been intimate, my walls went up. It’s like I could no longer access those feelings for him. Maybe that made him scared of being soft with me. I think that was what planted the seeds, what drove him away from me. I mean, would you risk it all to date someone who didn’t make you feel safe and loved when you needed it most? It was like my heart would turn to stone. I wish I could figure out why that happened. Does my brain go into shut down when I let myself feel so many intense feelings at once? Am I just a player? Well, I don’t think that’s it, though, like, Sehun, we had the most beautiful night together, a couple of nights ago… I definitely didn’t feel nothing after we did that. That doesn’t make me feel much better because that just means I was an asshole to Jongin. That would suck, because he didn’t really start being cold towards me until the end. Distant and cold are not the same thing. The distance, while heart wrenching, I do understand. Us dating was not something that could be public knowledge. We were just too young to deal with people’s reactions. Cold, though, that’s what I didn’t understand. _   
_ I think he knew that I knew we wouldn’t last. And he thought I knew that because I had bigger plans than him. I would always make my partner a part of my plans. I would never put my own needs over someone else's, you know that much about me I think. He didn’t. _ _   
_I think we had a bad relationship. I don’t think I was a bad boyfriend. I really understand how Jongin holds a grudge. I hold grudges. I am terrible for it. I can forgive but I can’t forget. Even if Minseok became my best friend, I would never forget how horrible he made me feel. I would always have negative things in my head that I could fall back on if I was presented with something to make me dislike him again. 

_ Anyway, this is jumbled. I don’t want to make repeat mistakes; I think we’ve established as much about my old relationship as we need to. Just to point out: _

  * _I’m not saying I can’t do a secret relationship. I understand that you’re not even allowed to date anyone. I know my image as a single straight boy is valuable. So I’m not giving us a ‘public or nothing’ ultimatum. That’s not what this is about._
  * _I will never, ever lie to you, so please. If I say I love you, I mean it. Even if I drift away from myself for a bit, you are never the problem, you are always perfect._
  * _I don’t get angry. I have never been genuinely angry in my life. You have to realise that’s dangerous. I internalise things. I’ll probably take it out on myself. So, I’m a little bit of a liability - self deprecation is the most innocent of it, self sabotage is the more extreme end. _
  * _I won’t choose my ‘career’ over you, but I would definitely encourage you to choose yours over me. I won’t ever ask you to fight for me even though I’ll desperately want you to. _
  * _I’m a desperately lonely person. I don’t need a lot of company, and my own space does help me to recharge, but I still need someone. Be it your breath on the other end of the phone while we sleep, or your hand on my leg if we’re together somewhere and I need to work and learn lines or whatever, maybe that’s considered clingy, but it’s still something I’ll crave from you._
  * _Validation feeds into the above. Can you really deal with me needing validation? Sure, you can understand now why I need that. Will you always be able to apply that logic? _
  * _Can you deal with pretentious emails like this? Because every time I can’t verbalise what I want to say this will happen._

_ Man, I can ramble on when I want to, can’t I? _

_ I just want to know what you’re afraid of. I think you get the gist of me. I think that’s what I can share right now. I’m just in this stupid hotel bed thinking about how I can’t even clear up a misunderstanding between me and a virtual stranger, how I’m letting it unravel my own day to day life instead of nipping it in the bud; and I’m thinking about how I don’t know if I trust myself to love a boy who is more than capable of making his own chocies about whether or not he wants to do this with me. I know I should just let you like me if you like me, instead of convincing you that I’m a horrible person. _

_ Okay. Anyway. _

_ I’ll talk to you soon if I haven’t scared you off _

_ All my love, _

_ Junmyeon _


	8. A Confrontation

Junmyeon was fine. Sure, he didn’t hear back from Sehun after pouring his heart out to him, but that was fine. He was either busy, or hated him. Either was a fair explanation. 

It was scary; how calm he felt going to work. How robotic his actions were. He had a mission: one mission, and that was to have it out with Minseok. He had nothing left to lose. That guy was going to be professional and at least tolerate him by the end of their conversation, no matter what it took from Junmyeon; he was ready to accept the hard truth about himself and the responsibility for what had happened, but he was also ready to tell Minseok that, frankly, it was none of his business and had no place at work, if all else failed. 

“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?”

Junmyeon was met with the usual radio silence from Minseok, but he had him cornered. He’d knocked on his dressing room door, he’d opened, slamming the door right in his face had been his only option, but he didn’t do that - he just stared blankly, through him - and then opened his mouth to speak. Junmyeon wasn’t quite prepared for that. He didn’t plan past his own confrontation; assuming it wouldn’t be met with a response. 

“Oh, Junmyeon. We missed you the other night.”

“Excuse me?”

“We went for drinks, Ren said he had invited you but you never showed up. Shame.”

He didn’t know if he was being paranoid, or if Minseok really had a sly smile that he couldn’t stop from creeping onto his face. Either way, he didn’t like the way he said it. 

Still. He had to play along, stay civil, tread carefully so he could get a chance to say what he wanted to. “I was sorry to miss you,” his best mask of fake sincerity. It physically pained him, but as an actor, it was natural. Junmyeon could be anything he needed to be. 

“If you’d excuse me, I have a scene to film…,”

“No you don’t.” What was he to do, other than put his foot down? He blocked Minseok’s path by taking a step towards him, backing him up into the dressing room. “You’re on your break right now. Your next scene is with me in an hour.”

“It’s a re-shoot.”

“Reshoots are Saturday. For the entire cast. You think I don’t know my show?” He let the door shut behind them. 

“You’re psychotic.”

“I just want to have a conversation with you.”

*

“Can you believe this is happening?”

“No,” Sehun shook his head. “No, I really can’t.” 

“Are you ready?”

“I think we have to be. Don’t you?”

Chanyeol grinned. “I think we were born ready, Sehunnie.”

They had been given the go ahead, the metaphorical green light to cross the road to debut. It was basically confirmed. They weren’t meant to overhear, but they heard. They heard everything. They would find out Monday. Sehun and Chanyeol were the next group to debut for SM Entertainment. 

It took everything in him for Sehun not to run away and hide under the covers. “The real work starts now,” he said instead, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Come on. Let’s go get some practice in.”

“We should celebrate.”

“No. Not yet. Let’s work, like we know nothing. We can celebrate once…,”

“Once we’ve had our debut stage,” Chanyeol agreed suddenly. “Let’s not take our eye off the prize until we’ve gotten through this part.”

“Until then, let’s act as if nothing has changed.”

“You gonna tell your boyfriend?”

Sehun bit his lip. “He’s not…,”

“Sehun,” he interrupted him, softly. “I know you love him. I hear you every night.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“The timing sucks, but it doesn’t have to. It’d be hard no matter what, and you know that. Look at who he is. Look at who you want to be. Don’t let that stand in the way.”

Sehun knew he was right, but it felt weird, he felt like he was being exposed, sitting on the floor of his dorm room, speaking about his true feelings for Junmyeon with Chanyeol. He didn’t want their relationship to exist in the real world, where also existed the realm of complications. He wanted their routine. He wanted his own space with Junmyeon. He didn’t want their love to be something fragile. 

He checked his messages before heading back to the practice building; but nothing had come through from Junmyeon yet, so he sent him a quick text saying ‘I love you’. He didn’t want to share the news like that, that was an in-person conversation, that was part of the talk he knew they needed to have.

Sehun didn’t see Junmyeon’s email until he awoke, curled up in the corner of the dance studio the next morning. 

**Sehun, did you get my email? **

**You definitely hate me after reading it you’ve totally blocked my number.**

**Like I know I’m overreacting probably but you haven’t not text me all night in weeks so it must be something I did and all I’ve done is write that (and whine too much)**

**But I totally get it like I’m not trying to guilt you out of ghosting me **

Junmyeon had sent those texts over two hours ago; Sehun couldn’t reply fast enough - he’d probably driven himself insane by that point. 

_ Of course I got it I’m so sorry I only just read it I meant to call you last night I promise I fell asleep pleaseee do not freak out I love you _

He knew not to hold his breath for a reply, since he was in the middle of his day on set. He just hoped to God he’d get a glimpse of his phone soon so he could calm down. There was, of course, nothing he had to worry about when sending that message to him. Sehun felt sad reading it, sure, but not scared off. If anything, it further cemented the fact that he was hopelessly in love with the guy. It also made it hurt more, that he couldn’t just say it to his face. 

He knew it had to happen. It had to happen soon. Before they got any deeper into this. 

**

Junmyeon’s phone beeped in his pocket but for once, he ignored it. He hoped it was Sehun returning his message - but getting his hopes up and having them dashed wouldn’t help right now. He needed to focus.

“You’re not going to get that?” Minseok raised his eyebrows at him.

“I’m good.”

“You’re just going to hold me hostage in my fucking dressing room until I decide I’m ready to talk to you.”

“That’s the idea. You’re not a hostage, though. You can walk out the door.”

“Seeing you so desperate to prove you’re not an asshole by acting like an asshole is too amusing, though.”

Junmyeon sighed, exasperated. “What do you want me to say, Minseok-hyung? How many times do I need to accept responsibility for this before you start treating me with some-,”

“Some what? Does the pretty little celebrity want some respect? Because in my books, respect is earned. You don’t just get it because you’re on every fucking magazine cover in southeast Asia.” 

“I don’t want respect because I’m the star of some damn TV show. I just want you to be civil to me.”

He shook his head. “You don’t get it, Junmyeon. You’re apologising to me for things you did to someone else. You’re a coward. If you really accepted responsibility, you would be saying this to Jongin, not me.”

“I don’t have to see Jongin every day for the foreseeable future.”

“You don’t think he deserves closure, all the same?”

“Closure?! He got closure when he ended our relationship. We both did. I knew exactly how he felt about me when we broke up. He knows where we stand. He didn’t care about me, he didn’t love me, we both know I shouldn’t have tried to make the relationship into something it wasn’t. What I’m not understanding is what any of this really traumatic, personal stuff has to do with  _ you _ .” 

“The minute my best friends heart broke because of some dumb narcissist who chose an acting career in a different country, when he had a similar opportunity in the same one, over him, it became my business. He cried to me every day for weeks.”

Junmyeon didn’t know how to react. “It sounds like you’re mad that you had to help a friend through a breakup.”

“I’m mad that you led him on and made a big deal out of how you wanted the relationship to be ‘real’ when you ran away the first chance you got. He deserved better than that. No matter how insecure you felt about having to keep your boyfriend a secret.” 

“You have no idea how fucking hard it was. Don’t brush it off as if it’s nothing. You don’t get it.”

“Look, reason with me here, Junmyeon. What if you were in my position? Your favourite person in the world gets his heart broken, you aren’t going to be his ex’s biggest fan. Of course I’m pissed that I have to see your face every day.”

“I don’t understand what choice you think I had. You moved to Japan for your career, too.”

“I didn’t leave anyone behind. And it was the only gig I had.”

“Was I really supposed to take a job as a rookie MC on a short term contract over this?”  
  
“No, maybe not. But don’t pretend Jongin was an asshole to you when you’re the one who started the chain of events that led to your breakup.” 

“I think maybe you’ve only heard his side of the story.”

“Sure. But why would any other matter? He’s my best friend. Think about that.” 

“Minseok, I just want a good relationship with everyone I work with. I thought we could be friends.”

“Jongin’s more important to me than helping you keep up your illusion that everyone loves you. You’re not that special, you know, Junmyeon. You need to remember your flaws. Remember how pathetically human you are. I might like you a bit more then.”

With that, Minseok stood up and left him sitting alone; wondering what the hell he meant by that, and trying not to let the words affect him. 


	9. State of Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thought it was time for sehun and jun to progress a lil bit with their relationship given the hard time jun's having with minseok ~ we're at the half way point i think which is making me super sad because i love this version of the boys so much. thank you so much anyone who reads and has been engaging w me about the story, it makes it so much easier to write and enjoy <3 
> 
> content warning: sexual content, dirty talk, some light bdsm elements i suppose (mentions of power play and rope)

“You do not have to pay me for looking after the dog, how many times-,”

“Please, allow me to do something to feel like less of an inconvenience.”

“You’re too kind, Kim-san.”

Junmyeon handed over an envelope containing a cheque for ¥60,000; though he didn’t feel much better for it. Trying to feel like a better person and getting Minseok’s harsh words out of his head was proving to be near impossible, no matter how many ‘good deeds’ he did. Paying his neighbour generously for feeding Byul, tipping his driver in cash, offering more smiles and favors to his colleagues through the work day than he normally would, it all just felt conceited. They were things that he was either in a position to do because he was just an overly privileged celebrity, or things that a normal, kind-hearted person would probably do without thinking. He tried to be logical about the situation, of course. There were facts to consider here. Minseok was a guy with a prejudice against him. He didn’t like Junmyeon, he had his mind made up about the kind of guy he was before they even met. They hadn’t started at 0, they’d started at -5. And to be honest, that didn’t matter, them being friends or even being able to be civil to each other at work. Junmyeon was more preoccupied with how his every insecurity about himself was so easily unravelled by what he said. There were things he had to work through, things he would never get through if he stayed hiding in Tokyo season after season. His life was a constant loop of avoidance; and now he had two things driving him back home - Minseok; and Sehun. Two very different reasons, two completely opposite poles of his life. The source of his misery and the source of his potential happiness. 

He was relieved that his email hadn’t scared Sehun off. It was just a shame that he realised there was so much more to add to the list of reasons Sehun really shouldn’t like him like that, reasons why he shouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone, let alone in their circumstances. But Junmyeon was selfish. He didn’t like to admit it, he’d actually deny that he was anything but selfless, but that was the thing: when presented with all the pros and cons of a situation, if there was something he really wanted, he’d ignore the cons. He couldn’t control his impulses - and God, did he want to have with Sehun what they were so close to having. 

So instead of trying to scare him off more, Junmyeon text him back.  **Sorry I freaked out. I love you, too. Let’s talk at our usual time tonight. **

His reply came immediately.  _ Let’s. We have so much to talk about :)  _

The smile was reassuring, but he still felt anxious about the idea that there were things to discuss - he would prefer to ignore the bad and the ugly, focus on the good, but there it was again, the avoidance. He had to stop doing that. 

“Good evening, my love,” Sehun picked up the phone after one ring. It was 11:30; the usual safe time to get a response from either of them, besides the equally reliable 2am. “You really freaked yourself out for a bit there, didn’t you?”

“I don’t know whether I was worse while I was writing that wall of text, or waiting 12 hours for you to read it,” Junmyeon teased in response. “I’m kidding.” He had to clarify, just in case he accidentally sounded like an asshole or something. Minseok had made him paranoid. “I know you’re busy.”

“Yeah,” Sehun paused. “I… wow, I have news for you.”

His ears pricked up. “That can only mean one thing.”

“Chanyeol and I kind of eavesdropped on something we shouldn’t have. We’re being told on Monday.” 

“That’s amazing.”

“It made me think.”

“Oh?”

“When do you next have a break from filming?”

“Uh… we finish shooting this season in six weeks. It coincides with when it premieres on television, so I’ll have a month of promo to do, and then free time for other projects, probably. Then we do it all over again, of course.”

“Right. Leave that with me.” 

“You’re making me nervous.”

“Junmyeon, you know I adore you. But if I have a crazy schedule on top of your crazy schedule and we never have time to talk, not like we do now when even now time is limited, then I need something to hold onto. So do you. I don’t want you to think I’m keeping you in some half-relationship.”

“You think we should meet.”

“Were you intending on never even giving me in real life a chance?”

“No,” Junmyeon bit his lip, and sat down on the side of his bed. “No, of course not.”

“I mean, come on, I finished every episode of Golden now, it must be time for my meet and greet with the lead.”

“Very funny.” 

“You don’t sound convinced. I thought this would be a little easier. I thought most people liked seeing their partners.”

There was a joking tone to Sehun’s voice, but Junmyeon could tell he was starting to doubt himself. “It’s not that, Sehun, I promise. It’s just… I haven’t been home since I left.”

“Then why don’t I come to Japan?”

“Because it’s ridiculous that I haven’t stepped foot in Seoul in five years.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He asked, softly. “Seriously, I’ll come to Tokyo. I’ll find a way.”

“If I could book you onto a flight right now, I would,” Junmyeon sighed. “I wish you could come here so I could talk at you and hug you let you take the pain away.”

“I’ll do my best from across the sea.”

“I wish I could feel you close to me. I feel pathetic for saying that, but it’s the truth.”

“If things work out, time wise, it might just be 3 short months away. Can we last that long?”

“Sehun, I hope things last a lot longer than that.”

“Let’s call it our first milestone, then.”

“We’re gonna crush it.”

“Junmyeon?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you my boyfriend?”

Junmyeon caught himself smiling. “Why do you ask?”

“Because Chanyeol keeps referring to you as my ‘boyfriend’, and I’m wondering if I should keep correcting him.”

“No. You shouldn’t. Is he there right now?”

“No, actually. I think he’s still in the practice building.”

“You slacking off?”

“I wanted to talk to my  _ boyfriend _ .” 

“Well,” he smiled again. “Your boyfriend is very happy to have you on your own for once.”

He heard him gasp a little. It made his stomach turn in knots; that small sound, so sweet. “I didn’t realise,” Sehun whispered. “Came into this conversation with completely innocent intentions for once.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Intentions can change.”

Junmyeon’s heart ached. As much as everything else did, too, how desperately he wanted to be close to him in every way, he mostly just wanted Sehun to make him feel good about himself again. He wanted him to take the pain away. He wanted to feel loved, like someone who was worthy of being with, being proud to be with. He’d never been that to anyone - and if what Minseok thought of him was true, he didn’t deserve to be. “What’s the first thing you’d do if you were here with me, Sehunie?”

The little gasp, again. “Hyung, I’m s-shy…,”

“We both know that’s not true, sweetheart. Come on. We’re here, all alone in my bedroom. You remember what it looks like a little, right, from those photos I sent you?”

Sehun gulped in affirmation. 

“I’m all yours, remember?” He continued. “All I want is you.”

“I would… kiss you?”

“Yeah?”

“I think about kissing you all the time,” Sehun was genuinely shy, Junmyeon knew he must be blushing, but even hearing this, hearing him try, tied the knots in his lower stomach tighter and tighter. There was something about his voice that drove him crazy. “D-do you want me to take control?”

“Desperately. I want you to show me how much you want me.”

“Fuck.”

“It’s okay, Sehunie. Find your words.” Junmyeon shifted back onto the bed and lay down, put his phone on loudspeaker onto his bare chest, and let his hand wander to rest over his cock, already bulging through the fabric of his boxers. “You were saying something about kissing. Don’t hold back. I want to know what goes through your mind when you think about me.”

“I think I’d… I’d push you against your bedroom door. Kiss you hard… man, I’m getting tongue tied…,”

“It’s just me. You can trust me.”

“I want you moaning into my mouth. I want to feel your cock throbbing as I press against you. I’d pin your arms above your head, maybe, to stop you squirming so much. That would make you thrust against me, right, hyung?”

“I would be desperate for you already,” he agreed. “Pathetic, right?”

“Are you touching your cock?”

“Am I allowed to?”

“Not yet.”

Junmyeon smiled. He loved this side of Sehun. “I’ll stop, I’m sorry…,”

“You should be.”

“I’ll do whatever you say from now on, I promise.”

“Good boy. What was I talking about, again? Other than how desperate you are for me to dominate you?”

“Sehun-,”

“I wouldn’t be cruel, of course. You’d get some relief. It’s not your fault, after all, that you got hard so easily.” 

“Thank you.”

“You know I wouldn’t be able to resist. I’d be thinking about this on my whole way over to your place. So ready to get on my knees for you. I know how often you think about my lips around that beautiful cock of yours.”

“Oh my god…,”

“Shh. I’d tie your hands behind your back, of course. Make you keep your head tilted against the door. I’d have to take your pants off for you, of course, but that’s okay. I’ll take it slow. I’m picturing you in jeans. Your cock must look amazing in jeans.”

“I-if you say so, Sehun,” Junmyeon was quickly becoming the one at a loss for words, and Sehun was gaining every ounce of confidence that he had started this conversation with. 

“You should take some photos of yourself,” he suddenly decided. “So I can really picture what it would be like.”

“Right now?”

“Yes, hyung. Please.”

Junmyeon felt his face flush. Once Sehun got going, he really went from zero to one hundred. He loved how he made him feel - cherished and desirable and  _ useable _ . If Sehun wanted a picture, Sehun would get one. “What do you want me to take a picture of?”

“What do you think?” 

Junmyeon picked his phone back up and swiped the camera app open. He took one, shaky picture of his body - naked chest and grey boxers, his bulge painfully obvious. He knew that would drive Sehun crazy. He then pulled his underwear down a little bit, freeing his cock, and quickly took another photo from the same angle. He was more embarrassed of that action, but he sent them both anyway. There was silence on the line the entire time, until he opened the photos. 

“Holy shit. You’re so fucking hot.”

“You’re not going to leak those, are you?”

“No. That is for my eyes only,” he said, deadly serious. “All mine, isn’t that right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Controlling myself would be so hard, you know, Junmyeon. But I’d take care. Your belt, then your jeans, sure, but I’d have fun, just looking at you growing hard for me through your underwear. I want you to know just how much I love you, after all. I bet you’d really squirm if I was kissing you down there, huh? If you could feel my breath on your cock without me actually touching your skin?”

“It’s a good thing you have my arms tied,” he agreed. 

“Why? Would you be tempted to push my head closer to you? Tug on my hair?”

“I think so…,”

“And that’s impatience, isn’t it, Junmyeon?”

“Yes, sir. That’s why I have to be good with my hands.”

“So you know why you need your rope, yes?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good boy. You’ll learn to be obedient.”

“Good things come to those who wait, right?”

“Yes,” Sehun laughed a little. “Although in this case, I think you’d be expecting a little too much from me.”

“Huh?”

“Maybe I’d control my urge to take you into my mouth. Maybe I’d figure it would be more fun to tease you.”

“Sehun-,”

“That’s my name.”

“I-,”

“What?”

“Nothing. Nothing…,”

“Is your hand on your cock, Junmyeon? It should be.”

He nodded to himself. “Yes, yes.” He quickly positioned his right hand on his dick, still pulled out above the waistband of his boxers like in the photo, now that he knew he was allowed. “It is now.”

“You can start touching yourself, but  _ slowly _ .”

“Thank you.”

“I’d untie your hands. Gently, of course. You might have a bit of rope burn if you struggled, which you probably did. I know you need a few minutes to submit, to calm down. Kiss you again, gentler this time. Tell you to take off the rest of your clothes and get into bed. I’d watch you, you’d be blushing, taking off your shirt and then your underwear, knowing my eyes are on you so intently the entire time. Would you feel embarrassed?”

“Maybe… maybe a little bit shy.”

“Well, there’s no reason to. You’re beautiful.”

“Oh… thank you…,”

“You don’t have to thank me, sweetie. The pleasure is all mine.”

“Wh-what would I do then?”

“Well, I’d look at you for a while. Just taking in how amazing you look - you’d be shaking a bit, though, right? With how much you want me to touch you again?”

“Kind of like I am now…,”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Sehun paused like he was thinking, really thinking, what he would want to happen next. “I’d ask you to come closer to me. I’d place my hands on your chest, lean in and whisper, right against your ear, asking you to undress me. I’d watch your fingers shake as you fiddle with the buttons on my shirt, how your hands instinctively grab at my chest as soon as I shrug it off my back. I’d try and hide my shiver as your hands then trail down my hips, on your way to take off my jeans. I’d guide them to my zip, though, you should take your time. Undo the button. Take a minute. I’d act impatient. Try to rile you up just so I can punish you later. Eventually, my jeans would fall to my feet. I’d take that as my cue to push you onto your bed. Can you picture me on top of you where you are now?”

“Yes, of course, Sehun.”

“Do you know what you’d want?”

“Anything you want from me, sir.”

“Come on. What if I wasn’t here, hm? What if you were getting off alone? What would you be thinking about?”

“Probably - probably you sucking my cock.”

“So, you want me to finish what I started?”

“Yes please.”

“Can your hands behave, or would I need to tie you again?”

“Maybe… maybe you could trust me? I’ll keep them behind my head, I promise.”

“Hm,” Sehun considered. “Junmyeon, put one hand behind your back. Keep the other on your dick, but just rest it there, ok? Can you do that?” 

“S-sure…,” Junmyeon shifted into the requested position. He knew what Sehun was going to do to him, even the thought sent shivers down his spine. 

“I want you to think about me, the way you do when you’re getting yourself off, picturing my lips wrapped around your cock. Just like that, okay? I want to hear you moan my name and be able to do nothing other than grind against your hand.”

“Sehun-,”

“And I’m gonna talk about what I think about you doing to me. How does that sound?”

“Hot,” Junmyeon replied, in a small voice. “Will you be touching yourself?”

“I’m sitting against my bed right now, knees up and spread, my free hand on my cock. Of course I’m going to jack off as I talk about how I think about you fucking my ass, Junmyeon. You get to grind like a pathetic little bitch.”

It was hard to keep his mind on just Sehun sucking him off while he let his mouth run wild; about how he pictured Junmyeon flipping him over, teasing him with just one finger in his asshole while Sehun squirmed and moaned his name into his pillow, begging for more even though he could barely take him as deep as his second knuckle without lubricant. Junmyeon’s head was spinning between that image, and that of Sehun looking up at him from between his thighs, taking his entire cock in his mouth. He knew he was going to embarrass himself; it would take no time at all, the idea that all he had was his hand to grind against didn’t pose much of an obstacle, it just made it hotter, which was probably Sehun’s plan all along. 

Sehun’s words began to trail off, too consumed with his own thoughts, instead he just moaned Junmyeon’s name, over and over. He could hear him shifting around on the floor. Junmyeon considered taking control back again, telling him what to do, to slow down, but he wasn’t going to last much longer, he had no self-control, he wanted it to last longer, sure, but the desire to cum was building by the second. “Sehun-,” was all he managed, his boyfriend’s name, his literal boyfriend, who was sitting on the other end of the phone, thinking about him, just as consumed by him as he was. It was enough to push Junmyeon over the edge, in the end. He didn’t even picture anything other than Sehun’s face, with his eyes closed, whimpering his name, as he came, that was all he needed. 

“Sehun,” he didn’t have to keep his voice down, thank goodness, because he couldn’t control the sound he made, his shoulders squirmed and launched him upright, before falling back down again. “Fucking hell, Sehun.”

“Junmyeon,” he panted. “Wow.”

“You’re good at that, you know.”

“Shut up. Let me lay here and hear you breathe for a while.”

“Intense?” Junmyeon whispered. “It’s okay. You’re ok.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” 


	10. High Definition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one took me like five hours ffs sorry if it's long and drawn out i really wanted to get the development in minseok and junmyeons working relationship right ! don't worry, it'll all come together hhh

**Good luck today, you’re gonna smash it. <3**

Junmyeon sent the text first thing that morning; even though Sehun was probably well on his way to work, if he hadn’t already started. Everything had happened so quickly over the last two weeks, Junmyeon could barely keep up with his boyfriend’s schedule, but he did know that it was the day of the music video shoot for his debut single. It was a big day for him - and he wished more than ever that he could be there with him, despite how busy he was, he wished he could come home to him at the end of it all. It tore him up inside knowing that no matter where he lived, their relationship couldn’t be like that. At the same time, what they had was working. He wouldn’t trade it for a more standard relationship with someone else. Sehun was special. Everything about how he carried himself, his infatuation with life, the youthful ambition that filled his voice every time he spoke about his career. It reminded Junmyeon of himself when he first wanted to become an actor. Strangely, he hadn’t noticed himself lose that vigor until he looked back on the last five years. He’d changed for the worse; and maybe he shouldn’t be pointing the finger at other people. 

He hadn’t spoken to Minseok since their attempt at a confrontation, because to be honest, Junmyeon had nothing else to say to him. He knew exactly what Minseok wanted from him - he wanted him to fucking grovel at Jongin’s feet, and considering the idea of even being in the same country as him made him feel ill, that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. Maybe if he figured out what there was to say to him, what kind of closure he could possibly need. What miscommunication had occurred that somehow didn’t make him as big of an asshole as Junmyeon had painted him when they broke up. 

It was up to Junmyeon to take back what was his. Really, if he didn’t have his job, what identity did he have, here in Japan? What was he there for if he didn’t love what he did? It wasn’t enough to go to work, come home, talk to his boyfriend, go to sleep and repeat. He may as well have a 9-5 back home. Sehun was realising his dreams and loving every second. He owed it to himself to treat his job like that, too. 

He had a hard scene to film that day. A really, really emotional scene where his character finally discovers that Minseok’s character is his brother, a secret that he’d been keeping from him since they met in the first episode of this season. It was going to be difficult to access a vulnerable side in front of a guy he didn’t want to look more pathetic in front of than he already did. But it was also make or break. The scene had to be perfect - and it had to be perfect in Junmyeon’s eyes. Not the directors, not his castmates, not the viewers. If Junmyeon wasn’t satisfied with his work in that pivotal moment of the show, what was the point in living half his life for the past five years as that character? 

“You ready, Jun-kun?” 

Junmyeon definitely didn’t look ready as he rolled into work, rubbing his eyes under his sunglasses, but he wasn’t exhausted; he was just hiding the fact he’d been crying in the car, reading over the script. Not fake tears for rehearsal purposes either, genuine tears of despair, anxiety and fear over getting the performance right - not to mention how vulnerable he felt reading between the lines of the script, how eerily the words seemed to speak to his situation. 

“Once I get into hair and makeup,” he joked back. “I’ll see you up there?”

His director gave him a thumbs up and ran off in the direction of another actor he felt the need to check up on. It was an emotional episode shoot, Junmyeon definitely wasn’t the only one going through it. 

He wished he could enjoy the process of getting ready for his day's work, but the hours flew by that morning. Usually he could relax, becoming borderline bored, but not today. It was like the makeup and costume teams were on speed. They probably were - they had a long schedule. The sooner he was ready to go, the better.

“Positions in five, Junmyeon?”

“What?”

“You and Minseok are up first.”

He was aware they were first, sure, but he didn’t realise he didn’t even have time to finish off his third cup of tea. He tried to make a deal with himself - get through this scene, cleanly, and in his hour off, he could go get himself something nice for lunch. Not catering. Bubble tea from a nearby cafe or something. Maybe some street food. That was a good incentive. Right.  _ Come on, Junmyeon. _

He took his time emptying his cup and washing it, putting it back into his drawer (it was a mug he’d gotten on a trip to Sapporo, his favourite place in the country, so even though it was cheap and kind of tacky in a touristy way, it reminded him of why he loved living in Japan, and also that he should take a vacation soon), and - okay, he really had to hurry to set then.

Minseok was waiting already, looking impatient, even though no one else was in position, not the camera operators, not the director - it was enough to push Junmyeon further towards the edge. The set for this scene was the interior of Minseok’s characters living room. Minseok stood at one end of the sofa, Junmyeon was to perch on the arm of the other side. 

“Wish each other luck,” the director beamed at them. 

Needless to say, they glared at each other. Their distaste wasn’t going unnoticed on set, for Junmyeon noticed a sigh come from the director’s chair, but actors not getting along wasn’t really surprising. There were always one or two pairs who found it hard to work together, a clash of egos - but Junmyeon had never been one of those people. 

“Action,” 

Junmyeon cleared his throat, eyes firmly on his knees. He could feel Minseok’s eyes on him. The cameras were rolling, he allowed himself to vanish from his body - Junmyeon couldn’t be here, he had to let Kun Tanaka lead the way. 

“What did you want to talk about?” Junmyeon fidgeted with his hands in his lap, biting his lip and looking up at Minseok from the corner of his eye. “Daikichi-san?”

Minseok’s silence was deafening. He was such a mind blowing actor. The care with which he slowly rose from his slump against the sofa to an upright position, the sigh, how he moved around to stand behind Junmyeon, every footstep getting heavier and heavier. “Why do you think,” he started, almost spitting the words. “I’ve been letting you stay with me?” 

“Ah…,” Junmyeon shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Is there a problem, Daikichi-san?”

Minseok ignored him. “Did you think we were friends?” 

“I guess not, right?” 

“What would you say if I told you I wanted something from you?” 

This was to be Daikichi’s lowest point in the show. He had been portrayed as such a kind, goofy, well-meaning person - a good friend to Kun, who hadn’t had anyone to rely on until they ran into each other. The writers had plans to redeem him if Minseok proved popular enough to keep on as a regular actor, sure - but for now, he was to turn nasty. And it felt way too real. He had power over Kun, just like the real Minseok had power over Junmyeon. 

Junmyeon kept his eyes wide, focusing right on him now. “I wouldn’t know how to react.”

“Do you know how long I’ve been tracking you down? When all I had to go on was your fucking  _ eye _ colour?” 

“My eye colour?” He touched his face instinctively, before realisation dawned over his face. Kun’s eyes were normal, of course, a normal dark brown, until… “My powers.”

“It’s funny,” he continued ignoring everything he said. “I knew what you’d be like, even though I couldn’t find out anything about you. I knew you’d be naive. So ignorant to what’s happening in my world, that it would be easy to gain your trust.”

“Who are you?”

Minseok rolled his eyes. “Get up.”

“Huh?”

“Stand up, Kun.”

Junmyeon rose. They stood almost nose-to-nose. He could feel Minseok’s breath on his face. He had such a look of hatred in his eyes, he wondered if that really was part of his act, or if he was using his true feelings as a leg up in this performance. “Lift up your shirt.” He tugged roughly at the end of Junmyeon’s t-shirt, and he jumped, genuinely recoiling at his violent touch. “Show me your chest.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” 

“I want to  _ check _ something.” He spat again as he spoke. Junmeyon didn’t even bother to wipe his face. He swatted Minseok’s hand away and gently obliged, lifting the fabric, cringing as he did. He was vulnerable. He couldn’t get the idea that it was Minseok out of his head, and he was scared it was impacting how well he was acting - but no one yelled cut. He could feel everyone staring intently. The entire cast were watching this unfold. No one called for re-positioning, change of camera, nothing. As far as everyone was concerned, this was a live performance. 

Minseok stared at Junmyeon’s exposed chest. Nodded. And then lifted up his shirt, pointing at a large birthmark on the right hand side of his own. It was identical to one Kun had, something that was always focused on just slightly in any shot where he was shirtless. “I knew we had to have something in common.”

“I don’t understand…,” Junmyeon shook his head. “What are you saying?”

“Golden boy…,” Minseok rolled the words around in his mouth. “You know, that’s what gave it away. When you started making a name for yourself, I just had to check out this guy, this magician with unbelievable powers. It made me so angry,” the laugh he let out sent shivers down Junmyeon’s spine. “So angry how you made a profit out of this fucking curse we have.”

“We?”

“Haven’t you figured it out yet, you idiot? Ever wonder why you can’t find much out about me when you try to read my mind?”

“You… you can do this, too?”

“We’re twins, Kun.”

“That’s impossible.”

“No, it’s not. You’re just the sweet precious younger one who got put up for adoption. Me, on the other hand…,”

“But I don’t know my family. This is a mistake. Why do you think…,”

Minseok blinks at him, and it’s Junmyeon’s cue to hit himself in the face. “I can do everything you can do. My eyes burn the same colour. We have the same birthmark. Except, I know it’s not just a birthmark. I just haven’t figured it out yet.”

“You… you’re serious…,”

“You have something I want. I’ll cut to the chase.”

“I don’t know anything. Daikichi, you’re scaring me…,”

“I want you to bring me to Goro Sasuke.”

“What? How do you know that name?”

“He’s been a person of interest of mine for a while. I know you know where he’s hiding out.”

“Daikichi-san, if we’re really related…,”

“I’ll tell you everything you want to know if you bring me to him.”

They stared at each other. Minseok’s nostrils flared. 

Junmyeon shook his head. “You’re lying.”

“Who the fuck are you to speak to me like that? I’ve put you up for weeks. I’ve dealt with your fucking moaning, your superiority complex, your absolute disregard for anyone but yourself -,”

“Excuse me?”   
“Do you know how exhausting it is to try and be your friend, Kun? Knowing you’re the special one, the one allowed a normal life, away from everything I’ve had to go through since I was an infant?!” His voice rose to a dangerous level. “Knowing that you still discovered your powers and profited off of them? Treated them like a damn joke, to please punters, sell tickets to stupid shows, instead of living with your normal parents in a normal house and going to normal school, getting to live a normal life? I would kill for that, Kun. I would fucking murder you for that.”

“Wait, Daikichi, please, I didn’t know…,”

“That makes it worse! You’re so naive! I could forgive it if you were a good person. But I’ve seen what you do. I’ve seen how you treat your friends. People stick their necks out for you and you’d never think to do the same in return. You don’t understand that your actions have consequences…,”

“I know I’ve made mistakes… but I told you in confidence… you said you understood…,”

“I wanted to gain your trust. But it was useless.”

“You really can’t stand me? I’m meant to be your brother, and yet you harbour hatred towards me?” Junmyeon’s eyes filled with tears. “You despise me for not valuing my adopted family, when the whole reason I ran away was to find my long lost one? You’re telling me you’re what I’ve spent four years searching for?”

“I suppose I’m a disappointment to you, as well as everyone else in my life, right?”   
“I actually thought we were friends. I loved you! You were good to me! More fool me, right? You were just using me. Your own fucking twin. Seperated from me for your whole life, and the minute you track me down you want to use me to track down a fugitive? And you think you don’t owe me an explanation until after I’ve led you to the poor man?” 

“Why should I owe you anything? You don’t know where I come from, Kun.”

“Why do you blame me for something that happened when we were literal infants?”

“Don’t talk back to me.”

“No, screw that,” Junmyeon backed away from him. “Screw you. You make me feel secure, like I have a friend - hell, you treat me like a brother. Then you tell me you despise me and we’re related and you just want to fucking use me? What’s your grand plan, here? Why couldn’t you just hold out a little longer with the supportive-friend act? You know damn well it would have worked on me.”

“Because,” Minseok said through gritted teeth. “I know you’re responsible for Mai’s death.”

Junmyeon cocked his head. “Who are you talking about? Who’s Mai?”

“You bastard. Of course you wouldn’t know her name. But don’t worry - I’ve seen it all. I’ve seen inside your head, remember?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Daikichi, you’re scaring me -,”

“Not yet. Not yet I’m not.”

Minseok launched himself at Junmyeon; he jumped away just in time, but he wasn’t done. As they both scrambled to their feet, acutely aware in their own minds that the cameras should have stopped by now, that they had to reset for their physical altercation, they waited for the ‘cut’ that never came. The cameras were rolling. Their colleagues wanted to see their raw work. Junmyeon composed himself and walked right up to Minseok. “What, you’re going to fight me? Instead of-,”

He expected Minseok’s slap, but it stung. It was far from stage combat. He could see in his eyes he’d been dying to do that since he got the script. Junmyeon touched his face; it stung. 

“You want me to retaliate. I refuse. I’m not what you think I am.”

“And I’m far from what you wanted me to be, Kun.” His voice trembled with anger. It legitimately scared him. 

“Calm. Down.”

“You had everything I ever fucking wanted. And you killed the one person who ever meant anything to me.”

“I didn’t kill anyone. Calm down, and we’ll figure this out - you must be reading something wrong, Daikichi. Try now. I’m not blocking anything. I’m completely open.”

“You’re the last person who saw her alive, you asshole. And you don’t even know her name.”

Junmyeon closed his tight. He imagined he was trying to find the part of Kun’s memory that Daikichi was reading. “I... I’m so sorry, Daikichi-san, I can’t see it…,”

“Sit down.” 

“What?”

“Sit down. If you want to talk, we’ll talk.”

Junmyeon took his position on the arm of the sofa again. Minseok took the other one. You could cut the tension with a knife. From the corner of Junmyeon’s eye, he could see the director motion for them to continue. They were clearly delivering gold. Junmyeon knew he didn’t have it in him to repeat this performance. 

“Ask me a question,” Minseok prompted. 

“What, you got your anger out with that?” Junmyeon gestured to his cheek.

“Is that your question?”

“Is that yours?”

“Right,” he smirked. “Let’s reset.”

“How did you grow up?” Junmyeon asked, carefully. 

“Not as nicely as you did.”

“I don’t think that’s an answer. Let me rephrase - did you grow up with your… our, our parents?”

“No. They sent me away, too. My turn.”

“Okay. Shoot.”

“I can see a memory in your mind of you selling a girl a map. A map she was asking for. You don’t remember ever doing that?”

“I… selling? I don’t think I’ve ever sold anyone anything. I’m sorry, I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Fuck,” he muttered. “Can I have another question?”

“Sure,” Junmyeon nodded. Kun was clearly hoping he could soften Daikichi by allowing this. “Go ahead.”

“How did you discover your powers?”

“I… I don’t know. I woke up after a horrible nightmare one day. After that, I could move things. That was the first one I discovered.”

“Did you ever see your eyes change colour before then?”

“No. Never.”

“That’s so interesting,” Minseok bit his lip. “You.”

“Do you know our parents?”

“Unfortunately. They only had us so they could… pass on the powers, I guess. I don’t know how to word it.”

“This is genetic?”

“Skips a generation.”

“There’s a point to this, isn’t there? They’re not… they’re not random, right?”   
“Right. That’s why it pisses me off so much for you to be bringing attention to them in the public eye.”

“I don’t do that anymore…,”

“Kun. You found out once that you weren’t who you thought you were, right?”

“Yeah. It was horrible.”

“What if you found out you were someone else yet again?”

“Cut.”

Both actors hopped up from their seats as if they were suddenly on fire. Everyone began to clap.

Junmyeon and Minseok looked at each other. Surprisingly, Minseok smiled. 

*

“Junmyeon?”

It was 1am - he finally found himself ready to leave work. All the scenes had finally wrapped for the episode; and he had a weekend to recover. The last thing he expected was to be stopped on his way out by Minseok. 

“Oh. Hi,” he replied, awkwardly, shuffling his backpack on and off of his shoulders. “You were amazing today.”

“Sorry I slapped you so hard.”

“That’s okay. You must have been really in character.”

“Not in that moment,” he grinned. “I just wanted to hit you.”

“Charming.” Junmyeon didn’t know how to respond, it was hard to tell whether Minseok was joking or not. “So. That really hit home today, right?”

“What did?”

“That whole part where you went off at me for being naive and ignorant and whatever else. Reminded me a lot of what you said a couple of weeks ago.”

“Yeah, well. Art imitates reality. Anything that makes my job easier.”

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Only if I can ask you one after,” Minseok echoed their scene. 

“Okay,” Junmyeon took a deep breath. “How is Jongin?” He had meant to ask something different, but that’s what came out instead. 

“Christ, you care?”

“Of course I do.”

“He’s enjoying his time in the military.”

“I’m so shocked he enlisted already. I mean, I thought he’d pursue his dance career…,”

“Yeah, well. His family didn’t exactly approve of it.”

“I suppose,” he sighed. “I was really rooting for him.”

“My turn. What do you make of me?”

“What do you mean?”   
“Has your brain come up with any reason as to why I treat you like crap?”

“Uh, just that I probably deserve it.”

“You’re just as weak as Kun is, you know that?”

“What?”

“So easy to doubt yourself.”

“You speak in riddles. Just like Daikichi.”

“We keep our cards close to our chests. It’s a hard quality to  _ act _ , if you know what I mean. A lot of what you and I do isn’t acting - it’s just showing people the sides of ourselves we don’t even like to show ourselves.” 

“Well, it seems to be working for us.”

“I have to admit, I enjoyed the applause.”

“It was reassuring. I just hope we don’t have to reshoot any part of it. I don’t have the emotional capacity.”

“Me neither,” Minseok laughed. “I can see what Jongin saw in you, you know.”

“He didn’t see anything in me. He never loved me.”

“You’re blind. That’s what infuriates me. He was in love with you - he was just scared.” 

Junmyeon shrugged. “It’s too late now.”

“I wouldn’t want you two to get back together, don’t get me wrong.”

He laughed. “Don’t worry. I’m over him. It took years, but… I’m in a much healthier place.”

“I won’t quite say I’m happy for you, but I’m glad there’s no chance for you to break his heart twice.”

“I’ll see you on Monday.”

“See you. I might not be so nice to you, though.”

“Good. This felt weird.” 


	11. On The Verge

“There we go,” Chanyeol and Sehun high-fived each other with every last ounce of energy in their bodies. “That’s a wrap.”

Sehun slumped back in the car seat, letting his head rest against the window, watching the city lights swoop by him as they picked up speed on the way back to the SM dorm building. The end of two 14-hour days shooting their debut music video had finally come, and he was every bit as exhausted as he was exhilarated. 

“I’m going to sleep for a week,” Chanyeol decided. “You can record without me. You know my raps.”

“Shut up. You know you’re pumped for another long day of work tomorrow. We’re gluttons for punishment.”

“Otherwise we wouldn’t do what we do,” he nodded. “You’re up for celebrating at the weekend though, right? Yuta said him and a few of the boys will treat us.”

Next weekend was the pinnacle, of course - the weekend they could say their first mini album was recorded and ready to go along with the newly completed video. It had been a whirlwind couple of weeks for Sehun. He was loving every minute. Their official debut date was only 24 days away. It was terrifying, but it was also what he’d spent his life working towards - but man, there was hype around this duo. A teaser image from a photoshoot they had done the day they were officially told they were debuting dropped on SM’s social media a few days previously, and people were going crazy. “I hope we get a good reception,” Sehun still worried, because who knew how the music would be received? That was the important part. That was the part that would keep people around. 

“The single slaps. You’re so likeable. You’re going to be such a success, Sehun,” Chanyeol patted his knee reassuringly. “You’re gonna have all the money in the world to fly out and see your boy, too.”

He laughed. “You’re sweet.” Chanyeol was so supportive of his relationship with Junmyeon, although that could probably be put down to how deep of a sleeper he was, because if he had to actually listen to them chat crap down the phone to each other at all hours, he might have a different opinion. Seriously, though, Sehun knew he was blessed. Blessed to have someone like Junmyeon, blessed to have a friend and partner like Chanyeol, blessed that the few other people who did know about his relationship were okay with it. There was a time where all a younger Sehun craved and hoped for in the future was something like he had now - except he thought it an impossibility. Now, he had everything. He had a career that was taking off, and a boy who loved him. Somehow, things were working out. 

_ Just thinking about how lucky I am to have you.  _ Sehun smiled at his phone as he tapped out the message.  _ I’ll be back at the dorms in about half an hour if you wanna call me?  _

**Of course. I’m on my way home too. :) But I’m the lucky one, my sweetheart. Hope you had a good day x**

_ Talk soon. We’ll fight about it then. <3  _

“You two are gross.”

“Don’t look at my phone then. You know you’re reading at your own risk.” Sehun had no idea he would be such a soft boyfriend within a relationship, being honest - this was his first relationship, so this side of himself surprised him. Junmyeon was equally affectionate, so he wasn’t embarrassed by it. He also knew it was what Junmyeon needed. He’d been so deprived of affection, he needed someone who wasn’t afraid to express their love for him. He was just glad he could be that person.

“What a life what a life what a liffeeee,” Chanyeol sang to himself. “What a life what a-,”

“Shut up,” Sehun groaned. “Do you have any idea how often we’ll have to perform that song in the next month?”

“What a lifee,” he continued. Sehun rolled his eyes. The men in his life were dorks.

*

"Good evening," Junmyeon said softly, as soon as Sehun picked up the phone. "Tell me everything."

"In a few minutes," Sehun pulled his duvet up around him and got comfortable, propping one elbow up on his pillow, resting his head in his hand, the other pressing the phone to his ear, trying to get as close as possible to Junmyeon's voice. "I just want to enjoy being back with you."

"Back in our bubble," he mumbled. "It's okay. I'm here."

"I love you a lot."

"I love you too."

"Promise that if you were really here, and I'd just come in from a long ass day of shooting, the first thing you'd do would be kiss me?"

"Of course. I think about that a lot, Sehun."

"I know it's lame. I just really want to know what it feels like."

"I know. Me too. Trust me."

"Nothing's going to get in way of us, right? In between now and the time when we first kiss each other?"

"What could possibly go wrong?"

*

Things were going too well. Something was bound to go wrong.

Junmyeon could feel it that morning. 

Maybe it was just the fact he’d only gotten two hours sleep; he’d been talking to Sehun all night catching up on how his music video shoot went, his promotion schedule, and trying to figure out when and how they would meet up once it was all over. They had free time that potentially could line up, sure, but Sehun didn’t know if he would have more commitments piled on top after his initial debut schedule. Anything could happen. Anything could be booked depending on how well they were received. It was, however, a possibility, that in two short months he’d finally get to meet his boyfriend. Nothing could ruin that. Apart from the idea of having to go back to Korea. But he would ignore that. 

It should have been a normal day at work. Because days at work had become normal again. He and Minseok weren’t best friends by any means - but they could work together. Junmyeon hadn’t gone on any nights out with his cast, or even hung out with a group of them if Minseok was present, but at least there was no more tension - and he hadn’t gotten slapped on or off screen since the day they filmed that scene. All in all, a successful couple of weeks. What could possibly ruin it?

Junmyeon took the car to work, despite still being a bit self-conscious about acting too much like an ‘actor’ who was ‘privileged’ - but it would be worse if his agency hired a chauffeur that he just didn’t utilise - and waited for him to pull into the lot. It was an easy going kind of day, but he still liked to get there early, something about the empty studio brought him peace, the head space to really get into character. The turn in, however, wasn’t as smooth as usual - there was a car in front. A taxi.

It was weird, but not so weird that it put Junmyeon off telling the driver to do a 180 and drive back home, like he wished he had done after he realised who it was getting out of that taxi. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all getting a double update today, just think of this as part one~ :D


	12. Over The Edge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jUST A SLIGHT CONTENT WARNING: very slight mentions of internalised homophobia towards the end just in case that makes anyone uncomfortable <33

It had to be some kind of a sick, cosmic joke. 

“Are you getting out of the car today, Kim-san?” His chauffeur was ever patient, while gently reminding him that he had been sitting in the backseat in silence while the engine ran for the last fifteen minutes. “Or would you like to go someplace else?”

“No, that’ll be it for today…,” Junmyeon spoke on autopilot, what else was he to do? He couldn’t run away. He had to be at work. Someone who definitely did not have to be at his place of work, though, was his ex boyfriend. Perhaps his eyes had been deceiving him. He was sleep deprived. Minseok could have gotten out of the car with any brunette guy of a similar build to Jongin. Why was he so sure? He was being ridiculous. “I’ll see you this evening.”

He tried to stroll into the studio building as if nothing was wrong. And it worked, for a while. He left his backpack in his dressing room, scribbled his name on the sign-in sheet, retrieved his phone and wallet, and ducked back out to get some breakfast from a nearby cafe. The studio was quiet, he came across no one on his way in, so Minseok and maybe-Jongin were probably in Minseok’s dressing room, which was on a different floor to his own anyway. He didn’t want to be the only other body present, so there was no harm in getting something to eat before the crew rolled in. He didn’t really need to run lines. It was more of a ritual than a necessity. 

He felt a little bit calmer, carrying his coffee cup in one hand, bag with fluffy pancakes and a sandwich in the other. Not the healthiest choice, but he barely had the chance to eat much. The automatic doors swung open as he approached the entrance, and he was more focused on keeping his eye on the ground to try and look inconspicuous, than looking out to see if anyone was actually around to see him.

And that was his downfall. 

“Junmyeon?” 

The voice sent a dagger straight through the middle of his chest. If it had been a cartoon, he would have dramatically spilled his hot drink, but instead, he looked up, completely powerless, hands full, at the one person he hoped he’d never see again. Behind him, Minseok, smiling innocently. “Junmyeon,” he echoed Jongin’s greeting, voice cool as ice. 

“Ah… hi,” he said, lamely. “Wow.”

“What a surprise, right?”

“You said he wasn’t working today,” Jongin turned to Minseok, shooting daggers with his glare.

“Wow. If you’ll excuse me…,” 

“No, Junmyeon, wait. It’s not your fault,” Jongin instinctively reached out to him, but he could do nothing but flinch in response. A wave of sadness washed over Jongin’s face as he did. 

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“You two need to talk,” Minseok stated the obvious. “I’ll get into hair and makeup first.”

“You little shit-,”

He literally ran away before Jongin could confront him. “He’s too mischievous for his own good. No boundaries,” he sighed. “Er. This is weird.”

“What the fuck are you doing in Japan?” 

“I came to surprise… no, this is too weird. Do you wanna go talk somewhere other than the very sterile lobby of your workplace?” 

Junmyeon glanced towards the door. It was a nice morning. Again, his mouth worked on autopilot. It was fight or flight, but his body couldn’t action either response. “Benches outside?”

“Yeah. You can at least enjoy your breakfast.” Jongin offered him a small smile. He could do nothing other than return it. 

They sat for a few minutes in complete silence. There were at least twelve inches of space between them where they were, but it still felt too close. Junmyeon could still see him from the corner of his eye, even as he stared straight ahead into the sun. He was surprised to find himself to be the one that broke the quietness. “Do you want a fluffy pancake?”   
“Huh?”

He gestured to his bag of food that lay between them. “Fluffy pancakes. You’re in Japan for the first time, you gotta try fluffy pancakes for breakfast.”

“How can I say no to that?”

_ That’s right, Jongin. Break my heart, steal half my breakfast. Good to know you don’t change.  _ Junmyeon wished he didn’t hold grudges, wished he didn’t have a petty streak, but God, did he ever. 

“It’s good. Wow. Really good.”

Junmyeon nodded at his coffee. “If you need to wash it down.”

“Feels like I’m gonna need to buy you this back sometime at this rate.” Jongin was smiling gratefully, though. It was hard to read him, and thus, Junmyeon couldn’t figure out how to react to his presence. It was… surreal, to say the least. He didn’t really believe he was sitting on a bench with Kim Jongin. 

“Why are you here?”

“I came to surprise Minseok. I have two weeks leave from the military, I spent the first with my parents. Thought I’d come see my best friend… of course, I thought I’d manage to avoid seeing you. You know, spend a night or two with Minseok and then visit Osaka for a few days to get as far away from you as possible.” He sounded like he was half-joking. 

“You should go to Hokkaido,” Junmyeon shook his head, still not looking right at him. “You’d love it there.”

“I always wanted to visit. Thought I’d save it for a longer trip, though. Can’t afford to lose 8 hours of time to travel.”

“Every time I go, I never want to come back. I’ve never not loved any region of this country, but… something about the north.”

“I can see why you came here.”

“I had no idea. I just came for work. No other reason.”

Jongin sighed. “I don’t want this to get frosty.”

“Did you really not know I was going to be here, Jong?”

“Of course I didn’t. Minseok just had this idea last night that I should come watch him do some scenes because you had nothing scheduled. Should have known the lead actor wouldn’t have a random day with no shoots,” he grimaced. “I’m an idiot. Maybe I subconsciously wanted to see you.” 

“Well, here I am.”

“You look great.” He pointed in the general direction of his head. “Love the purple.”

“It’s my characters…,”

“I know. I’ve seen the show. I’m just saying, it suits you.”

“You’ve seen the show?” Junmyeon groaned. That was just brilliant. That Jongin knew exactly what he’d allegedly abandoned him for, a fucking weird as hell sci fi drama where he played a glorified magician. It wasn’t that Junmyeon wasn’t proud of his work or his show, but if he tried to see it through Jongin’s eyes, someone he had always felt so judged by, who he had to try so hard to be cool around -

“Of course I have. Everyone watches it obsessively, even at the barracks. You’re amazing in it!”

“God,” he shuddered. “That makes me feel super self conscious.”

“You’re so funny. You’re so cut out for this whole fame thing when the cameras are on, and yet the you I see looks like he’s ready to run away screaming at the idea that anyones seen the most popular television show of the decade.” 

“It’s not easy. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“No, I think I get it. Just because you were born for fame doesn’t mean you’re not human.” 

“Seeing you is making me feel physically ill,” Junmyeon blurted out. “I just want to make that clear.”

“You too. I feel like I’m going to throw up.”

“I’m terrified that you’re angry at me. Minseok…,”

“Please don’t be scared of me. I’m not mad. Why would I be mad?”

“Minseok said you kept talking about what an ass I was…,”

“Well, yeah. We broke up. I was heartbroken. That was five years ago.” He peered at him. “Junmyeon, look at me.”

“Wait, you’re not mad at me?” 

“No. I was angry for a really long time, but it wasn’t really at you.”

“Minseok said-,”

“Listen, I wouldn’t pay much heed to what he says. He gets bored. He holds serious grudges. He’s fiercely protective of me. He’s seen me at my lowest, I can unfortunately imagine the hell you’ve gone through at the mercy of his devil’s tongue.”

“You have no idea what he’s been like.”

“I’ll sort him out.”

“He’s been a lot more tolerable of late. Until he pulled this, of course.”

He smiles, and then more silence ensued, but it was less awkward this time. “Jongin?”

“Yeah?”

“How are you?”

“It might be hard to believe, but I’m really enjoying my life.”

“I didn’t see this being your path,” Junmyeon agreed. “But I’m proud of you, if this is what you want to do. I would be just as proud if you pursued any dream. Dreams change.”

“Yeah. Well, they do. I thought maybe I would do my service and make my family proud and then it kind of hit me that… what I do gives me everything I need. Roof over my head, meals, friends and family. Sense of purpose.”

“You promise you’re not just hiding from yourself?”

Jongin smirked. “Okay, maybe I am. But I do genuinely enjoy being in the military. So, best of both worlds.”

“I’m so sorry you’re still having a hard time…,”

“It’s what ruined us,” he shrugged. “I was never going to give you what you needed. I’m glad you got out before we got any more entangled with each other. It’s why I pushed you away so much.”

“Yeah, thanks. That didn’t scar me for life at all.”

“I could have just been honest.”

“Would have saved me some heartache.”

“Still. At least it drove you to making the right call in terms of your career, right?” 

“I should be thanking you.”

“Are you happy?”

Junmyeon considered. “I love my job. I have a few friends. I live in a wonderful country. I have a great relationship. You were my last hurdle to overcome…,”

“Woah, I’m sure you were about to say something sweet about our deep conversation, but I need you to back up. Relationship?”

“God, you really don’t want to hear an ex babbling on about a new boyfriend, do you?”   
“Let me live vicariously through you. It’s something I’ll never have again.” Jongin’s sad smile really made his heart ache a little. 

“I won’t let that be true. But, fine. His name is Sehun.”

“Handsome?”

“The most beautiful guy in the world. No offence.”

“None taken.”

It wasn’t how he expected the day to go. When he felt something bad coming that morning, he didn’t expect it to be the worst thing that could have happened - but more so, he didn’t expect that worst case scenario to turn into something very easy, very small, very meaningful. He didn’t think that within an hour of laying eyes on Jongin for the first time in years, he would be throwing his head back in laughter at him as they discussed his new relationship, his struggles with dealing with Minseok’s mood swings, and tales of Jongin’s initial few weeks of military training. Some people, Junmyeon realised, were just meant to be friends. He wasn’t the one who could save Jongin from the self hatred and shame he felt around who he was. But maybe he could make it easier for him to see that there was something on the other side, something happy, once he worked through it. Maybe that was enough. 

“So, kids,” Minseok interrupted their chat who knows how long later, all dressed up and styled for a days work. “Drinks tonight?”

It was the first time Minseok had invited him. Maybe his little experiment was what he needed to get done before he could finally accept Junmyeon. As much as he would always hold a grudge against him for the hell he put him through for months, he gladly accepted. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall knew it was jongin i wasnt even trying to keep that a secret i just wanted to pause for dramatic effect LMAOO i'm so glad i could semi solve the angst :D i'm sure there'll be more. minseok must have some motive for how he dramatised jongins anger. maybe he has some ulterior motives. who knows. im just theorising. you'll see.


	13. The Danger Zone

“I knew you were good, but not that good,” Jongin was the first to clap Junmyeon on the back after that days work. “Damn. Can I come watch you guys work every day?”

“No way. You’d get way too many spoilers,” Minseok interjected, shrugging his jacket off of his shoulders and hanging it over a rack of assorted pieces of costume. “Man, it’s way too warm to be wearing this crap. I might go back to the apartment for a shower before we head for drinks.”

“I should freshen up, too,” Junmyeon agreed. “You gonna stand me up if we make plans to meet somewhere later?”

“Minseok! You didn’t seriously do that?”

“I’m so sorry,” he said, stoically, and mock-bowed at Junmyeon. “I will never disrespect you like that again.”

“You’d never think he was the one bullied at high school, would you?”

Junmyeon couldn’t quite say he wasn’t suspicious of how well the three of them had been getting along that day. He also couldn’t pretend that he wasn’t enjoying it. Here he was, regaining the position he had in his place of work before Minseok had ever come on the scene. He was involved, he was popular, he was being praised. It wasn’t an ego thing, as much as it sounded like one, but it was understandable that it was hard for a performer to thrive in an environment where he didn’t feel welcome or appreciated or even noticed. He was taking control of his life again. Maybe getting to talk with Jongin was the final hurdle he had to overcome to feel truly at ease with himself. It alleviated all the guilt he felt around what he had achieved since coming to Japan. It was the fresh start he needed. Maybe he could continue into his relationship with Sehun with no regrets, no skeletons in the closet, no -

“Junmyeon? You listening?”

“Huh? Yeah, sorry.”

“He’s gonna blame me for not telling him where we’re meeting up, just watch him.”

“Shut up, Minseok,” Junmyeon swatted at him, playfully. 

“Junmyeon’s an expert at zoning out.”

“I do it at the worst possible moments,” he agreed. 

“Once I walked in on him in the shower because he’d been in there 40 minutes and I thought something was wrong, and he was just standing there staring into the showerhead. Hadn’t even shampooed yet.”

“You do not get to pull out stories like that from when you two were dating, you’ve been friends again for less than 13 hours.”

Junmyeon caught Jongin’s eye and laughed. It was almost embarrassing, how easy it was between them again. It was like the friendship they never managed to have when they were dating - like the first day they ever spent together, the day they got to know each other on that class trip. He had changed so much as a person since then, but seeing Jongin kind of brought him back to that shy, ambitious kid who just wanted the confidence to do what he wanted with his life, the kid who initially found that boost in his relationship with the popular boy. 

He had a lot to thank Jongin for, really. 

“Jun, why don’t you come over to mine to freshen up? You may as well. We can head off together, then.”

“Did you just Jun him?”

“Yeah, I don’t think we’re quite at nickname stage, Min.”

Minseok narrowed his eyes. “Forgive me for being friendly.”

“You know what, I have a change of clothes in my dressing room. I could totally save myself the trip back to mine.”

“Where do you live?” Jongin asked, interested. 

“Kichijoji. It’s like, twenty minutes express from Shibuya station.”

“Of course. Of course you live in Kichijoji,” Minseok couldn’t resist the dig. 

“What’s that supposed to mean? It’s nice!”

“You just… you look like you live in Kichijoji. Jongin, that’ll make sense to you if you ever find yourself there.”

“I can’t help but feel like you’re bullying me for where my estate agent sent me to live…,” 

“Well, look, you may live in a pretentious district, but my place is five minutes away by cab, so grab your clothes. As long as you promise not to take an hour in my shower.”

“Deal. You can talk to me through the door to keep me on this planet. I want to hear more stories from Jongin’s training.”

“You know enough,” Jongin said, gravely. “I don’t wanna get into how I almost got discharged for how I decided to clean one of my guns.”

“I wouldn’t trust you with a nerf gun, to be fair.” 

**

_ Hey, Junmyeon sweetie. You done work for the day? :) Miss you _

Sehun hated feeling clingy, but it was getting late, and it was the first day in a long time where he hadn’t received a text from Junmyeon - and sure, he hadn’t had a chance to text him up until now, so he couldn’t be mad about that, but still. Usually, they’d be on the phone to each other within the next 10 minutes, at the latest. Junmyeon had said he had a light scene schedule. He had no reason to worry though, they were good, so good. He was just antsy to talk to him that day because knew when he would have a definite free weekend - and he wanted to see if it lined up with a free weekend Junmyeon had. He knew they were meant to be waiting until he had wrapped up his promo schedule for this season of Golden… maybe it was a dumb idea. Maybe he shouldn’t even mention it. 

“You did good today, Sehunnie,” Chanyeol swooped in for a high five, making him jump and look away from his phone. “You waiting for the boy to call?”

“I think he’s still working,” he shrugged. “Haven’t heard from him yet.”

“Well, you could probably do with a good night's sleep anyway. You’ve been singing your little heart out all day. Save your voice.”

“Maybe you’re right. It doesn’t look like he’s seen the text I just sent him yet…,”

“You should send him a dirty message or something. Let him see what he’s missing out on,” Chanyeol grinned. “Although… do it in the bathroom. I don’t actually want to witness that.”

“Chanyeol, it’s not like that.”

He scoffed. “Yeah, right. You think you two are way more sly than you are. I’d hate to be around you when you two actually meet.” 

“I… yeah, you’re right. I’d be all over him. Sorry about it.”

“At least Yuta doesn’t have to focus on getting you laid when we go out next weekend. He can wingman for me and me only.”

“Ew. You’d risk that?”

“I’m joking. I’m just jealous of you.” The way he smiled told him that he really wasn’t anything but thrilled for him. “I’m a bad liar. I wouldn’t be able to keep a secret like that.”

“Yeah, don’t remind me. You know I’m not great either.”

“He’s worth breaking the rule for?”

“I don’t have a choice. I’m in too deep. I think…,” he trailed off.

“You think what?”

“Chanyeol, I think I love him.”

“Well, duh?”

“No. I mean, I think I’m in love. But I don’t know. Maybe it’s too soon. Maybe I should wait until we meet…,”

“Wait for what? You can’t control when you fall for someone, you idiot. You know damn well you’re screwed for that guy. You’re so in love it pains me to look at you sometimes.”

“How would I know, though? I have no experience.”

“You don’t have to. You just… do it.” 

“Chanyeol, you look way too soft.”

“Do I?”

“Yeah. Your face just went really mushy,” Sehun poked him. “You totally like someone. You’re projecting.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up.”

“I knew it! Wait, let me guess…,” he peered at his face. “Your cheeks are red already, so it’s someone I know.”

“You look so dumb right now, ‘cause there’s no one…,”

“Wow, you really don’t want me to figure this out. I wonder why.”

“Sehun-,”

“It’s not someone we’re super close to. It’s not Yuta, put it that way. Is it any of the others?”

“What do you mean, the others?”   
“Who’s Yuta bringing out with us next weekend? Jaehyun, Johnny, Taeyong? Any of them?”

“God no, none of his lot. Do you really think I’d have the energy?”

“Fair point. So… it must be another trainee.”

“What makes you think that?”   
“Just testing your reaction. Very defensive, I must say.”

“Sehun-,”

“Oh, my god!” He jumped up from his bed, dramatically, pointing his finger enthusiastically into Chanyeol’s face. “I know who it is.”

“How could you possibly know-,”

“That  _ guy _ . That cute guy. In the last group that debuted - oh man, we used to have vocal classes with him and some of those guys. Byun Baekhyun.”

“Who?”   
“You’re so red right now, Park Chanyeol.”

Sehun spent the night teasing Chanyeol, of course. It distracted him. He didn’t really worry too much about Junmyeon’s activities that night. He sent him a sweet message before he turned in to sleep two hours later, and that was it. 

**

“Get out of the fucking shower, Junmyeon,” Minseok yelled.

“I’ve been in here two minutes!”

“Seven and a half!” Both boys shouted in unison from the hall. 

“This is why we made you go first,” Jongin shook his head, laughing. “Minseok’s going to pass out if he doesn’t condition his hair in the next sixty seconds.”

“Hey-,”

“I’m coming,” Junmyeon rolled his eyes. He had definitely only been there two minutes. He hadn’t even gotten a chance to shampoo yet. 

Minseok barged past him the minute he came out of the bathroom, wet hair plastered to his forehead, towel around his shoulders. 

“He’s impatient.” 

“You have no idea.”

“I bet you shower quick, after being in the army for so long.”   
Jongin smiled. “You’d never last.”

“Hey. I can take orders.”

“Yeah, right,” he laughed. “Come on. I made you some tea in the living room.”

“Man, you’re nice.”

“It’s the guilty complex,” he shrugged. 

“I know you’re half joking, but stop,” Junmyeon said, seriously, reaching out to take Jongin’s hand reassuringly. “Fresh start, right?”

“Right. Here’s to that.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys feel like anything is about to go very, very wrong? cause i'm not sure things are going as well with his new buddies as junmyeon thinks. but we'll let him make his own mistakes in judgement. ~ to be honest i didn't wanna break the chapter here, i kind of wanted to get it all out at once but i think the break makes much more sense rather than dragging it out. i think the build works better. do you guys prefer to have the break but shorter chapters if it means i can get them out quicker and have time to work on the pivotal moments as stand alone events/chapters? or would you rather read it all at once even if the updates are more like every 2-3 days rather than 1-2 days? let me know!! i might get the follow up out tonight, i might not cause i have loads of other things that i'm working on hhh  
btw if any of y'all have twitter feel free to interact, i'm @ taeminexe there too <3 please dont worry too much about sehun and junmyeon, angst is healthy and fun to write but at the end of the day this is just a seho love story, i wont hurt their relationship too much hh


	14. Photo Op

It was almost like old times - just Jongin, Junmyeon, a couch and two cups of tea, losing track of time while chatting and laughing with each other; except this time, Junmyeon was gushing about a boyfriend, and Jongin was recounting all the gossip he had missed from back home - it was a friendship, something they had never quite achieved before. He wasn’t all consumed by attraction or love for him, he wasn’t competing for his affection, and he wasn’t stewing in self hatred, either. It made him realise that they had gone about their relationship the entirely wrong way, and Junmyeon had never been so glad that he and Sehun had such an instant, genuine friendship, before they ever admitted their feelings for each other.

“So let me get this straight,” Jongin was laughing into his mug as he tried to recover from the story of how Junmyeon and Sehun met. “You added him on Facebook thinking he was Minseok.”

“I didn’t know it was a stage name!”

“Do you think there’s gonna be some legal case once he debuts over who gets to be Oh Sehun, or does he have a stage name of his own?”   
“I think he’s just going with Sehun. He’ll get away with it.”

“What are we talking about?” Minseok’s sing-song voice interrupted them, and he plopped like he appeared out of nowhere onto the sofa between them. “I heard my name.”

“Junmyeon’s new boyfriend,” Jongin grinned. “Oh Sehun. Has he shown you him? Jun, you gotta show him that photo. He’ll be so jealous. He’s such a beautiful specimen.”

Junmyeon felt kind of weird about passing around his phone with a photo he’d saved from Sehun’s facebook up on the screen, but couldn’t deny the pride either. Minseok nodded in approval.

“Gorgeous. Seriously, well fucking done. Scoring someone like him and Jongin in the span of five years is impressive. I wonder what they see in you.”

“You’re just jealous,” Junmyeon shot back. 

Minseok mock puckered up. “I’m all yours baby, anytime you want me.”

“Don’t hold your breath.”

“Alright, pups,” Jongin sprung up. “I’m off to wash. Don’t flirt too much while I’m gone.”

**

The three of them ended up in a bar that Junmyeon had never even heard of or passed, let alone drank in - he was so distracted by chatting to the guys in the cab ride that he wasn’t even sure what district they were in. They had already decided he would crash on Minseok’s couch that night, so he didn’t worry too much. It was midnight by the time they had their first round downed, but the place was lively. It wasn’t quite a nightclub, but it wasn’t the quiet pub to Junmyeon’s usual taste and comfort zone, either. Jongin stayed glued to his side for this very reason, he knew crowds could make Junmyeon uneasy, and his company was working: he was enjoying himself. It was a rare sight. 

“Here,” Minseok yelled over the loud track blasting from a nearby amp. “Do this,” he pushed a shot of something into Junmyeon’s hand. “It’s lethal, you’ll love it.”

“What the fuck is it?”

Jongin grabbed it off of him and downed it in half a second flat. “It’s absinthe apple sour. It’ll burn the shit out of your throat,” he said, unaffected by it himself. “Minseok, get him something semi-legal at least, please.” 

“No. He looks too much like all he does is drink sake by the bottle. He needs to man up.”

“You’re drinking a sex on the beach,” Junmyeon pointed out. “If you can drink a standard cocktail, I can have a glass of wine.”

“You’re so boring, Jun-kun,” he sighed. “Take you to the hottest spot in town and you’d rather go to a wine tasting.”

“The hottest spot in town?” Jongin raised his eyebrows. “This place is a dump. I saw a dude try to snort sugar from it’s sachet in the bathroom. While he was peeing.”

“It’s the best stocked bar in Shinjuku.”

“There are a lot of clubs in Shinjuku. I don’t think you can make that call. You’ve been living here for what, a day?” 

“Junmyeon, if you wanna fight me -,” but Minseok was laughing, displaying a personality far from the Minseok he first met. He was starting to feel at ease with him. Despite other friends from work being there that night, Junmyeon didn’t drift away from those two at any point. It was partially a conscious decision, he really wanted to make the most of having Jongin back in his life and strengthen his newfound whatever with Minseok, but partially subconscious, too. He just enjoyed spending time with them. 

Jongin disappeared for a couple of minutes and returned with another round. “My favourite,” he shrugged. “Nikka Coffey Malt.”

“Oh, you used to order this online!” Junmyeon exclaimed. “You could never find this back home.”

“I know. I spent a fortune on importing bottles of it. It’s so good.” Jongin had always had a taste for whisky, not that he was a serious drinker or anything, he just loved the taste. “Japan is a good place for a night out, despite how much of a dump this is.”

“This tastes really fancy,” Minseok let it sit on his tongue. “You guys don’t understand the tone of the night at all. We’re supposed to-,”

“Minseok my dear best friend of too many years. We’re not of your kind. You cannot change that about us. We’ll always be-,”

“Dry?”

Junmyeon nodded. “Dry and proud.”

There was nothing to worry about. Sure, Minseok was a party animal, but it was nothing if not amusing to watch him tear up the dance floor with experimental-looking moves not usually associated with clubbing, probably borrowed from Twice music videos, and hearing their fellow castmates egg him on. Jongin kept shouting requests at a DJ who understood absolutely no Korean. Junmyeon sipped every drink that was bought for him, he was barely tipsy, he was pacing himself well; the same couldn’t be said of Minseok. 

“Hey,” Junmyeon poked him on the shoulder a little later on, finding him slumped over the corner of one of the bars. “You okay there, champ?”

“Mhhm,” Minseok grinned up at him, placing his phone leaning against an empty beer glass. “I was playing candy crush. It’s so much different when you’re fucked.”

“I can imagine.”

“Hey, Jun, do you think I’m handsome?”

Junmyeon laughed. “Wow, you’re drunk.”

“No, seriously. Do you think I have the look to make it as big as you have?”

His face softened. Minseok was serious. “What are you talking about? You’re stunning. The camera loves you. You-,”

“You’re so nice to me. You don’t have to be. I was such a dick to you.”

“It’s okay. You were just being protective of Jongin-,” 

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “Junmyeon, I should have been nicer. Can you forgive me?”

“I think we’re more than at that point. We have been for a couple of weeks,” Junmyeon laughed. “Come on-,”

“Sh, come here,” Minseok beckoned him closer, and Junmyeon obliged and sat on the bar stool beside him, leaning his head near his so he could hear his more hushed words over the music. “I have a secret.”

“You do, do you?” 

He laughed to himself, nodded, and before Junmyeon knew it, his lips met his. 


	15. Reputation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so sorry for the late update! last week i had lots of time to write but i'm back at work now so im feeling the tiredness a lot lol. i hope i won't go that long without updating again. thanks for your patience and im so sorry for what i'm about to put junmyeon through i just wanna say that in advance i dont like doing it ;.:

_ Kimjuncotton just posted a photo _

_ Kimjuncotton just posted a photo _

_ Kimjuncotton just posted a photo _

“Shut it up,” Chanyeol groaned from the other side of the room, bed creaking as he tossed. “It’s the middle of the night.”

The ding of a new social media post hadn’t woken Sehun initially, but his roommates complaint sure did a good job of interrupting the sweet dream he had been enjoying. It was a regular occurrence for him to dream of Junmyeon, but that night had been the most realistic one - he dreamt that they actually  _ met _ . He was in the moment they saw each other for the first time. Their first kiss, following their first hug, all following that first glance. It was magical. It was all he wanted.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, grabbing his phone from where it lay on the ground, attached to the power cord. Maybe Junmyeon was finally home and telling him goodnight… no, as he squinted at the screen, he realised it was a post notification from Instagram. Multiple, actually - weird, Junmyeon was never active on there, really. He opened the oldest one, laughing as the image popped up on screen. A photo that someone had taken of Junmyeon holding a drink, beside some guys in the middle of what looked like very outrageous dance moves, who must have been colleagues of his. The next post was a very zoomed in image on his face. Someone had clearly taken his phone to embarrass the heck out of him on social media. Sehun was so glad that it seemed like he was having a good time out, back in the swing of things with his friends. He wasn’t the jealous type when it came to Junmyeon, he would rather things were getting easier in his personal life outside of him - the fact that he hadn’t told him what he was up to that night didn’t bother him.

That was, until he saw the next picture. It was taken at a weird angle, like it was propped against a small object, but unfortunately, it was crystal clear. Even blurred, it was impossible to ignore that Sehun was looking at his boyfriend’s side profile as his lips were pressed against those of another boy. 

There had to be a logical explanation but Sehun didn’t consider that as a lump rose in his throat; hot tears formed in his eyes before he could react any way else. He dropped his phone back on the floor, got out of bed, wearing just a large tshirt and his underwear, and walked out of the dorm. “Sehun?” Chanyeol tried to call after him, but he was too tired to really care - he was probably just going to the bathroom, he didn’t think there was anything wrong with him, he just wanted him to get him a drink from the kitchen if he was going that way. “Fuck you then,” he sighed, closing his eyes again. The peace and quiet of a Sehun-less room sent him straight back to sleep, but when he awoke a few hours later, Sehun still wasn’t back. 

**

“You’re a fucking asshole, Minseok.”

“I know. I was drunk.”

“Give me that phone. You are deleting that before it does any more harm.”

“I can’t! The damage is done. Deleting it will just make it worse. He has 6 million followers, Jongin. Everyone’s seen it.”

“You’re full of shit, you know that? You knew what you were doing. You planned this. Don’t try and blame it on the alcohol.”

Junmyeon had a headache. It didn’t help that he woke up on a small sofa, cramps in his legs and his back, to the sound of an argument coming from the kitchen. 

“Just tell me why you did it, Minseok.”

“I didn’t… I don’t know. I thought it would be funny.”

“You can’t even make out it’s you in the damn picture. You’ve just ruined his career for fucking nothing -,”

“Jongin, I swear, I was just going to take some embarrassing photos, but…,”

“But what? You couldn’t resist taking it just a step too far?” 

“What was I supposed to do? You two were all over each other!”

What was going on out there?

Junmyeon knew there was something he wasn’t remembering, but the day before had been such a blur, with or without alcohol… he had reunited with Jongin. Spent the day with him and Minseok. That was fine, weird, but fine… he remembered enjoying it. He had been on cloud 9 at work. They all decided to go on a cast night out. He got ready at Minseok’s apartment, took a shower, spoke some more with Jongin, then they went to a place Minseok suggested. That’s where the problems arose, of course - alcohol. Alcohol and memory didn’t really mix. 

“We were not all over each other. Don’t be so fucking childish.”

What was going on in there? Junmyeon pulled his blanket tight around his shoulders, it was a cold morning and he was still wearing the clothes he had gone out in, and plodded towards the kitchen, swaying a little on his clumsy feet. “Morning,” he yawned, sleepy, pushing the door open. “Why the racket?”

He was taken aback when he really focused on their faces. Jongin looked angry. It was an uncomfortable sight, Junmyeon had seen him upset, frustrated, cold, distant, pissed off, but never visibly fuming; the way he glared at Minseok was every caricature of someone ready to snap, nostrils flared, eyes cold. Minseok, on the other hand, looked no more than mildly upset, more confused than anything, probably echoing the look on Junmyeon’s own face in that moment. 

“Oh, Jun,” Jongin’s face immediately changed to concern and he rushed to his side. “Are you…,”

“He hasn’t seen,” Minseok gulped. “He looks far too calm.”

“Seen what?”

“Junmyeon…,” Jongin didn’t know what to say, all he could do was reach out and place his hand onto his shoulder, like he wanted to protect him, stop him from coming further into the kitchen, as if it was the rooms fault that this was where he would hear bad news. “Come on. Come with me.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt…,”

“Minseok, shut your mouth. Give me back his phone.”

“My phone?” Junmyeon sniffed. “Why-,”

“Junmyeon, I don’t want to be in the same room as him, and I certainly don’t want you in the same room as him either.”

“Someone, please tell me what happened…,”

“Jongin, I don’t think he even remembers me kissing him.”

“We did  _ what _ ?”

“Minseok…,”

“I’m gonna be outnumbered here no matter what. Have it,” he tossed a mobile phone -  _ Junmyeon’s  _ phone - towards them, which Jongin caught just as it threatened to clip Junmyeon’s eye. “I’m going back to bed. You can see yourselves out.”

“You coward-,”

“Jongin, let him go and tell me what’s happening. Calmly.”

They both went to sit at the breakfast bar, Jongin immediately burying his face in his hands. “I should have taken better care of you last night, I should have known he’d do something-,”

Junmyeon’s head was spinning. Minseok had his phone, and they had kissed, and…

Oh, yes. They had. At the bar… Minseok was upset, he was apologising, he was self-conscious, asking about his career, venting his insecurities. He had leaned in to kiss him, their lips had barely touched and Junmyeon had jumped so far back he stumbled over himself and fell over, that explained the tender headache, he’d banged the back of his skull and it hurt to the touch; oh fuck, he thought, rapidly putting two and two together. Minseok disappeared for a few minutes and then returned to dancing as if nothing had happened, Junmyeon then rejoined the group after figuring…

“I’m such an idiot. I thought… I thought he was trying to tell me that he had a crush on me…,”

“Well,” Jongin forced a laugh. “Whatever the motive…,”

“He took a photo, didn’t he?”

“Yeah.”

“Jongin, has anyone seen it?” He knew the answer already. “Did he text it...to Sehun?”

“Oh, Jun, sweetie,” he bit his lip. “I think your boyfriend is going to be the least of your problems.” 

He held the screen up in front of him. Junmyeon felt a wave of nausea wash over him. There, posted to his public instagram, home to 6.1m followers, was a photo of him kissing what was undoubtedly another man. 

  
  



	16. News Flash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another two parter for you!! the next will be up later tonight hhh

There’s an old saying in show business - there’s no such thing as bad publicity. And maybe, in some respects, there were truths to this. On the surface, looking at his instagram followers and total likes, Junmyeon posting a photo of him kissing a guy was a great stunt. If only his manager saw it the same way. If only it didn’t bring an influx of hate targeted right at him. If only Minseok hadn’t ruined his career, his image, and most importantly, his relationship.

“You don’t need to stay with me, Jongin,” Junmyeon told him for the hundredth time that week. “Your vacation isn’t long enough to justify you wasting these days on me. You should be travelling.”

He simply shook his head. “I owe you this.”

“I still don’t understand why you blame yourself.”

“I still don’t understand why Minseok did this. However, I have a pretty good idea. I promise I’m intending on confronting him, I’m just so mad…,”

“Hey, you don’t have to do shit,” Junmyeon sighed. “I don’t need an explanation. I just want a time machine.”

“I really wish there was something I could say.”

“You know I didn’t kiss him, right?”

“Of course.”

“How do I convince Sehun of the same?”

Jongin bit his lip; Junmyeon could see the sympathy in his eyes, it was genuine, like he knew there was no advice he could give to get him out of this situation, but it hurt to say it. “I don’t know. He’s upset, he’s far away from you, obviously he’s going to assume the worst.”

“When I think about it, I was so angry when I heard you slept with someone else - and that was after I broke up with you. Sehun has every right to be mad.”

“You had to remind me, didn’t you?” He was teasing, though. “You know I regret that.”

“Not really. We never talked about it.”

“Well, I regret it. It meant…,” Jongin shuddered. “Look, the only relationship or… anything like that, that meant anything to me was ours. I hope you never forget that.”

Junmyeon didn’t know how to respond, since he’d spent the last years hating himself every day for giving himself to someone who didn’t act like their relationship meant anything. He knew he should keep his mouth shut, though. They were friends now. He was being so good to him. 

“I love Sehun,” he said, mostly for Jongin’s benefit, to fight away that soft, reminiscent expression that then came over his face. “I fucking hate that I’ve hurt him.”

“Have you spoken to him at all?”   
“He’s ignoring me. I did get a really angry voice message from Chanyeol, though.”

“Yikes.”

“They’re so busy, too… the last thing he needed was me fucking him over in the middle of his damn debut preparations. I’m such a dick, Jongin. I should have known not to trust him-,”

“Hey, calm down. You did nothing wrong.”

“At the same time, though, how would I feel if I was in his shoes? I would be distraught waking up to that.”

“You need to talk to him, Jun.”

“I know.”

All he wanted to do was talk to Sehun. If he could, he would in a heartbeat – going a day without talking was bad enough when they were both just busy and their schedules didn’t line up well, but as days passed, Junmyeon experienced a new kind of hell. Work was unbearable again, one step forward turning into fifty steps back. Minseok was different, though, it wasn’t a petty kind of cold resentment like before, where he would ignore him until he couldn’t bite his tongue much longer and then attacked with a petty comment. Minseok seemed almost upset. He was stoic, uninspired, unmoved by anything. He performed well in scenes but didn’t interact outside of them, not with cast, crew or even catering staff. He was acting like a guy who knew he had fucked up, ousting himself before anyone else could once they got wind of what he did.

Jongin had to return to Korea eventually, his own life and duties and responsibilities calling, but he left Junmyeon with a very serious instruction to not feel sorry for Minseok, not to trust him, and to call him if anything changed. He was dead set on figuring out what was going on in his best friend’s head. Junmyeon was over it, though. “Myeonnie, you can’t let him get away with this-,” he would keep telling him, but so what if he did? The damage was done. There was nothing that could undo his actions, not an apology, not revenge. It had gotten to a point where he wasn’t sure why he bothered filming scenes for Golden anymore. The media was all over his post, what did it mean, how bold it was, how unexpected of the young foreign heartthrob with such a bright future – and his management? Damage control. For the first 48 hours, Watanabe-san had been phoning him nonstop, but with Junmyeon’s lack of cooperation or at least, lack of ability to come up with a better cover story than they could, he was quickly then left out of the discussion. Statements were posted by his agency and his network apologising for the incident, and a mixture of love and hate comments directed at Junmyeon piled beneath them. He refused to look at his Instagram or twitter accounts any longer; it was enough to ward off the concerned calls from his mother and brother, and deal with the Sehun thing. The funny thing was that this was always going to be the end of his career. He was bound to accidentally screw over his image. It was only a matter of time.

He had to be prepared to take responsibility, even if it meant having a horribly awkward conversation with Watanabe-san. It wasn’t just his livelihood that would be affected by his popularity sinking, but everyone else’s, everyone who worked with him or on his show. There had to be a solution, and they were going to find it.

**

“How can I possibly come out with you guys tonight?”

“You need it more than ever. Come on. Chanyeol may have let this slide, but I won’t,” Yuta grabbed Sehun’s hand, trying and failing to pull him up from where he sat slumped on the ground. “You’ve had the worst week of your life, and the beautiful thing about it is, you’re gonna have a hundred other weeks that will be even worse, so look forward to those. It’s called life.”

“That’s not helping him,” Chanyeol quickly stepped in. “Be nice.”

“Your soft approach isn’t working. He’s completely depressed.”

“I’m fine,” Sehun grimaced. “I just have nothing to celebrate.”

“Your debut?”

“I don’t care about it anymore.”

“Are you joking? You’re letting some guy ruin everything you’ve worked for?”

“Junmyeon… Junmyeon isn’t just some guy,” his voice grew small, embarrassed to be talking about him like this in front of his friends. “He’s the one who gave me everything I ever needed, not wanted, like this fucking job, but needed.”

“And he took it away just as fast, need I remind you.”

“Yuta,” Chanyeol warned him. “Look, Sehun,” he turned his attention to him, kneeling onto the ground beside him. “I know I reacted harshly and ate the ear off of his poor voicemail when I saw the picture. But… what if it’s not what it looks like?”

Just as he spoke those words, Yuta’s phone beeped a shrill sound that pierced and echoed in Sehun’s ears. “What the fuck is that, a nuclear bomb warning?”

“Shush. Shush. It’s my alert from KJM Daily.”

“What?”

“Junmyeon’s biggest fansite. You’re his boyfriend, you should know that much about him.”

“I know he has fansites, I just didn’t know you had an alert system,” Sehun didn’t really know how to react to this.

“I set it up when those photos dropped. Just so I can follow what’s going on.”

“And?” Chanyeol pressed. “What is going on? Was he just papped, or…?”

“No. It’s an official statement from him. Allegedly.”

"Let me see that." Chanyeol grabbed Yuta's phone, but then threw it straight back to him. "Uhm. It's in Japanese. Translate it."

_Hello, my dear fans and viewers. This is Golden's Kim Junmyeon speaking from the heart. I am very sorry about the image which has been circulating this week that was posted to my official Instagram account without my consent. I was concerned with how to approach my explanation given the nature of such image. I must, however, clear up that this was not a photo of me. The police are currently investigating the theft of my phone by a known stalker, who followed myself and my cast mates on a celebratory night out to a local bar. We had to vacate our usual cast meet up spot as this location was becoming too well known to people like this, however it seems our efforts were in vein. My personal information was compromised, photos of myself dancing taken by a fellow actor were posted prior to the doctored image, also without my consent. My public Instagram is a space I like to use for professional promotion, and to share images with my fans that I feel will make them smile or remember me well; I would never cause any harm or upset. I do thank the kind strangers who sent messages of support for me and my perceived 'coming out', however I can of course not accept these congratulations. As for those who were uncomfortable with this picture, I am sorry I put you in a position where you felt the need to spread hatred and hurt. I hope you find it in your hearts to forgive me, and feel compassion towards those who are a target of this kind of abuse in every day life for being who they are. I believe this kind of attack on me was to incite this reaction. The images have of course been removed and my management will be monitoring all activity on my social media in future. I am very sorry, I hope you can forgive me._

_**_

"Is this really going to work, Watanabe-san?"

"I don't know. Perhaps you will be perceived as too much of a radical supporter of-,"

"That was non-negotiable. My sexuality has nothing to do with this, anyway. It could have just as easily been a girl who kissed me and photographed it without my consent."

"Yes, but that would be a lot easier to handle, and you know this. At least then we wouldn't have to...,"

"Hire a poor actress who has to be fake-papped with me so people think the reason some fake stalker tried to ruin my career is because they saw me with a girlfriend and got jealous?"

"Yes."

Junmyeon had no choice but to go along with this damage control situation - but if he didn't explain it all to Sehun soon, he'd lose him forever by the time those staged photos would come out, thanks to KJM Daily. 

It had been a long week, a long, long week. All Junmyeon wanted to do was go to bed and forget anything like this had ever happened. A knock on the door was the last thing he wanted to hear. 


	17. Lights, Camera...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and part two, because i wouldn't really make you wait too long between these lmao im not mean

“Sehun,” Yuta, ever the supportive friend, pushed a jug of beer that he had just poured across the table to him. “Drink up.”

“No,” he pushed it back, but it didn’t slide half as well in reaction to his feeble touch. “I don’t drink.”

“Then why didn’t we go celebrate at an amusement park or something?”

“I don’t like them either.”

“Leave him alone,” Chanyeol said, softly, shifting closer to him so he could sling his arm over his shoulders. “He doesn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to do.”

“Do you believe it?” Sehun kept his attention on Yuta. “What he said in the article? Or do you think it’s damage control?”

“It’s definitely damage control, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t closer to the truth.” 

“If it isn’t him in the photo, or if it was photoshopped or whatever, he could have just text me and laughed or had a little mini crisis. He went straight in with an apology.” 

“Do you have any idea who the other person could be?”

“No. His hair is covering that entire side of his face.”

“Well, I was reading some comments on one of the Japanese Golden fansites... judging by his chin, and whatever else they could make out…,”

“Yuta!” Chanyeol was sick of interrupting his big mouth at this stage. “You’re making it worse.”

“They think,” he continued to ignore him. “That it’s one of his new co-stars. Based off of a photoshoot that was released for the new series, it looks like it could be that Minseok guy.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Sehun snapped. “They hate each other.” Except, they didn’t… as far as Sehun had heard, they were getting on fine of late. Since they had it out with each other, and the air had cleared, they’d been almost friends. Junmyeon had gotten so comfortable at work. Had he… what if Junmyeon had fallen for him? What if all along it had just been tension between the two, which finally broke and almost got them exposed?

Sehun knew he was being irrational. If he was trying to keep an affair with Minseok a secret from him, how would he end up posting a photo of it on Instagram - and then proceed to apologise for it? He should talk to him. “I should talk to Jun, right?” He posed the question to the two of them. 

“Yes,” Chanyeol agreed. “Definitely. But after you let go and have some fun.”

“Come dance with us,” Yuta nodded, too. “You know who’s here, right?”   
“Who?”   
“Chanyeol’s little crush.”

“Baekhyun’s here?” Sehun raised his eyebrows. “You have to go talk to him.”

“No. And he’s not my crush.”

“He is so your crush,” they responded in unison. 

“I’m gonna go dance with… Johnny!” Chanyeol jumped up the minute he saw Yuta’s other half pass by their table on the way to the dancefloor. “Look, Johnny and Mark! Let’s go!”

“Get away from my boyfriend and get your own.” 

Sehun watched the two scramble to join the others, and not look back even when he didn’t follow. There was only so much energy they could spare on him during what was meant to be a fun night, but he still felt dejected, watching everyone enjoy themselves when he could barely force himself to take a sip of beer. Part of him wanted to go outside and call Junmyeon, apologise for ignoring him, hear the whole story. The truth was that he trusted Junmyeon and he always would; but his brain was looking for excuses to keep him out of a relationship so deep and scary and adult and uncertain and  _ dangerous _ . It was the sign he had been subconsciously looking for. The very thing Junmyeon didn’t need: someone abandoning him. Someone not hearing him out, someone jumping to conclusions. Wasn’t that just what Jongin had done to him? 

He didn’t want to lose Junmyeon, and he knew that they were both prone to pushing each other away. He couldn’t let that be the defining line of their relationship; they were more than that. Sehun didn’t really understand how in love he was with Junmyeon until then. 

He would try and enjoy his night. Then, he would sleep it off, and call his boyfriend in the morning. 

As much as Yuta could be a loudmouth, and Chanyeol could oscillate between being a good friend and being completely oblivious, Sehun enjoyed himself as much as could have been expected. They were celebrating, after all. They had worked really hard, and their seniors in NCT were all too happy to show them a good time - be it the drinks or the McDonald’s in the early hours of the morning or the taxi home, they really spared no expense on making the night memorable. Yuta and Johnny were in their element, insisting on them ‘doing this more often’, as if they ever really got to see each other, and ever got away with going for drinks usually. It was a bit of a taboo, but not really, at the same time. Sehun and Chanyeol weren’t going to be spotted or recognised, and the others really didn’t care, which was admirable. 

“It’s a shame you’re technically taken,” Chanyeol had said to him at one stage. “You’d look really nice with some of these guys.”

“Really?” Sehun raised his eyebrows. “What makes you say that?”

“I don’t know. You and Taeyong would be a cute couple.”

“Isn’t he dating Taemin?”

“Jaehyun?”

“How many of Yuta’s bandmates can possibly be into guys, Chanyeol? I feel like they’re already way above the average.”

“I don’t think it’s that deep, Sehun. You’re very attractive, they’re very attractive.”

“Still, revenge making out with someone isn’t my style. Especially when Jun definitely did nothing wrong.”

“I’m just saying you have an opportunity.”

“I don’t care. I don’t need an opportunity.”

“And that,” he smiled softly. “Is how I know you really love him.”

“Well, duh. You testing my faithfulness was definitely necessary. It’s not like you could just believe me when I say I’m in love with him, or anything.”

“I know. But if he really kissed someone else, Sehun, I want you to remember how appalled you felt at the idea of getting with someone tonight when I proposed it, and think about if you can be with him if he can let that kind of thing happen.” 

Sehun knew that on some level, he was right. It takes two to tango. It takes a very specific chain of events for a picture of a kiss to end up on social media. 

He really didn’t know what to believe, but he went to bed that next morning sticking to his resolution to get the truth from Junmyeon, and trust him, because in this kind of relationship, trust was all they had. 

**

It was the last thing he needed. A long day of scheming with his manager, no word from Sehun, a weird text from Jongin reading  _ thinking of you. As always. Take care of yourself x  _ and now, the knock on the door. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Can I please come in?”

“It’s late, Minseok…,”

“I won’t be long. I promise.”

“You look like shit.”

Junmyeon sighed and stepped back to let him inside. Minseok was freezing. He wore nothing but a shirt and jeans, both of which had gotten soaked in the unexpected nighttime rainstorm, a break in the heatwave they had been experiencing for the last month. He shivered, hair plastered to his forehead, and gratefully stepped into the warm of Junmyeon’s apartment. “I didn’t think the weather…,”

“How did you find me?”

“You think your address isn’t public knowledge on the internet?”

“Jesus. Time to get a new place,” he muttered. “Look, Minseok, I’m tired. And Jongin would kill me if he knew I let you in.”

“There must be a reason you let me in, though.” 

“Yeah. You need a change of clothes, and someone to call you a cab home. You can take my driver, actually…,”

“I came all this way.”

“Why? You could have text me.”

“I didn’t fancy spending an hour writing a text explaining myself just for you to delete it without reading what I had to say.” 

“You thought I’d delete a text but chanced coming by to see if I’d let you into my house?”

“It worked, didn’t it?” Minseok shrugged. He then turned his attention to the dog yapping at his feet. “Who’s this?”

“That’s my dog.”

“It looks funny.”

“Are you bullying my literal puppy, Minseok?”

“No, but like… it’s shaking.”

“It has a name,” Junmyeon narrowed his eyes. “Come here, baby,” he said, scooping Byul up into his arms in an attempt to stop the barking. “Byul hates mean people. She can probably sense that you’re a dick.”

“Well spotted. Did Byul like Jongin?”

Junmyeon considered. “Not really.”

“Good doggy,” he pet her head, cautiously. “Were you saying something about clean clothes?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I’ll go get you a hoodie or something. It’ll be huge on you, though.”

“Why do you say that?”

“You’re short.” It was the best insult he could come up with. Junmyeon was drained. “Wait here.” He disappeared into his bedroom for just a minute to grab a freshly washed oversized white hoodie and some tracksuit pants, and when he returned, Minseok had already made himself comfortable on the sofa. 

“Do you want a tea or something?”

“You’re being awfully nice. But no, I’m okay. Thank you.” 

“You wanna get straight to the point?” 

“Let me change first.”

“Right. There’s a hairdryer in the bathroom if you want.” 

“Thanks.” Minseok emptied his pocket onto the coffee table - his wallet, phone, and a few receipts, all of which were damp - and made his way towards the hall. 

“Last door,” he instructed him, half hearted. For a second, he considered if there was anything to gain by picking up Minseok’s phone and getting some form of petty revenge, but as much as Junmyeon held grudges, he couldn’t stoop that low. He wouldn’t give someone the satisfaction of stooping to their level. If nothing else, he could say he was nothing like him. 

“Comfy,” Minseok smiled at him when he came back to sit on the sofa, this time right beside Junmyeon, which made him flinch a little. “I’ll return them to you at work next time.”

“Don’t rush.”

“This is awkward.”

“Yeah. Are you here to apologise, or…?”

“No.”

“Ah,” Junmyeon nodded. “Interesting.”

“I mean, I know you won’t accept an apology. But an explanation…,”

“Look, Minseok. Did you do it to fuck with my career or my relationship?”

“What?” He blinked. “Neither. I brought Jongin to work with me that day to fuck with you. Just like, to tease you. I don’t know, I was bored of being nice, and I thought I could stir up some drama.”

“So… what?”

“So,” he sighed. “It didn’t really go to plan, did it? We just ended up all… friendly. The three of us, but especially you two.”

“What does that mean?”

“He was all over you. Flirting and stuff.”

Junmyeon rolled his eyes. “Minseok, we were catching up. It wasn’t flirting.”

“He didn’t look at me all night.”

“You’re telling me this is all because you like Jongin?”

Minseok said nothing.

“Seriously, that’s ridiculous. You try and kiss me because you like Jongin? Why not just try kiss Jongin?”

“Because he clearly only has eyes for you. He took your side without a second thought…,”

“Because you were a dick, Minseok.”

“Okay. I get it. I’ve not been a very nice person.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if Jongin didn’t like you back, to be honest, Minseok, and I usually would root for someone in an unrequited love kind of situation, but God, I would question Jongin’s taste if he went for someone who’d do what you did to me.” 

“There’s a reason I’m like this.”

Junmyeon laughed. “I’m sick of assholes trying to justify why they’re assholes. It doesn’t matter, and I don’t mean that in a horrible way, seriously. You could be the nicest guy in the world and still make a stupid decision or treat someone like crap. If I’m how you’re getting your kicks in that respect, fine. I don’t want to fight it, but please don’t tell me your tragic backstory or whatever, because the second it looks like you’re looking for sympathy, that’s where it gets fucked.”

“Wow. That’s…,”

“Mature?”

“Incredibly.”

“You can’t take back what you did. If you could, I’d let you in a heartbeat.”

“I was angry. I can’t say it was a complete impulse; I did plan it since inviting you back to mine that evening, but… I didn’t think through the consequences. I didn’t think about the impact it would have on your career.”   
“You must have. You made sure your face was covered.”

Minseok didn’t have a response to that.

“I thought as much.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I thought you weren’t apologising?”

“I just realised I do have something to apologise for.”

“You know, I really don’t get you, Minseok. All you did was drive him further away from you. He had to stay with me for the rest of his stay in Japan because he was so appalled at what you were capable of. He chose to look after me instead of you.”

“I should have seen that coming.”

“I don’t believe you, Kim Minseok,” he came to the conclusion all of a sudden. “I don’t believe for a second you have feelings for Jongin.”

“Oh, really?”

“Really. That’s a weak lie. You’re intelligent. You wanted him off your back. You…,”

“I what, Junmyeon?”

Junmyeon’s thought got caught in his throat. “Fucking hell. You both planned this.” 

“What?”

“Wow. Wow. I… I need a minute,” Junmyeon stood up, grabbed his phone from the table, and dashed towards the door, grabbing his raincoat on the way out.

“Where are you going?”

“I need a minute,” he snapped back, before slamming the door shut. 


	18. Stay With Me

Junmyeon sprinted as far away from his apartment as possible, far away from Minseok, far away from everything he didn’t want to have to confront him about. He knew. He knew what they were trying to do to him, and how far they’d taken it, and how it probably didn’t phase them one bit. He kept his head down and slung hood of his jacket over it, hoping to shield from the rain, and also hide his face. It was a busy weekend night and the last thing he needed was to be spotted, or photographed for that matter. He wasn’t sure where he was headed, but he just needed to be alone, somewhere quiet and dry enough for him to talk to Sehun. He didn’t care if he had to sit on his butt on a train station floor for the rest of the night, calling him over and over again in hopes of him picking up. He was done talking to Minseok and Jongin and everyone but Sehun about what was happening. He deserved better; even if this was going to drive a wedge between them large enough to end their relationship before it could even start, he deserved to know that he was loved, that he would never hurt him intentionally; Sehun was too good and too special.

Junmyeon didn’t realise the tears were pouring down his face until he finally took shelter in a lit-up phone booth, and once he did, he couldn’t stop. He slid down to the ground, knees tucked under his chin and feet squished against the opposite wall, letting out a pathetic wailing sound before beginning to heave and breathe heavily with so much force, he feared he would make himself vomit. He tried to steady the rapid chest movements by focusing on clasping his hands as tightly around his legs as possible, just wanting to ride out the panic attack, but every time he remembered, he let another of those noises escape his throat. He never allowed himself to cry. Not when he experienced his first heartbreak, not on all those lonely nights holed up in a new apartment in a strange country, not when he began to fall for someone hundreds of miles away from him, not when the job he loved became unbearable, but now - now, the final straw, the demise of his career, the humiliation, the potential loss of his first real love; he feared he would never stop crying, and these tears were public, these tears would become loud and raw and real the moment he stepped outside of the confines of the phone booth. He had to compose himself, the only thing he could do was hope he could get in touch with Sehun. 

Step one, take out his phone. Junmyeon could surely manage that much. He coughed to clear his aching throat, reached his hand into his pocket and wiggled into a position where he could slide it out, made harder by how the fabric of his soaked jeans stuck to his skin. His heart sank when he swiped it to open and he realised he’d made a mistake - it didn’t prompt him to tap in 0412, his passcode, and the wallpaper was not a photo of Sehun, but one of Minseok, Jongin and two other guys he didn’t recognise. He’d taken Minseok’s phone. Not on purpose, like he had done to him, but alas. “This has to be a joke,” he mumbled to himself. How could he be so stupid? Was it a sign that his fleeting idea to get revenge on Minseok was a good one? No. He shook his head to free himself from that thought. Just because he was a man prone to holding a grudge who had been wronged didn’t mean he should stoop to Minseok’s level. 

That being said, Junmyeon didn’t have enough self control to not see if he could confirm his fears. If Minseok and Jongin had been planning all this, there would be proof somewhere, somewhere in his texts maybe… 

“Yeah, as if I’m not going to look,” he said, staring at the smug looking Minseok of his home screen photo. 

He knew what to expect. He didn’t know why it hurt to see his suspicions be confirmed - because there they were, text messages in plain black and white, spanning to even before Jongin came to Tokyo for this vacation, that were all about Junmyeon. He felt ill all over again. 

Jongin: 

You’ll have me then for a few days, will you?

Minseok:

If this Junmyeon is what you want, this Junmyeon is what you’ll get   
Jongin:

I don’t think it’s that easy

Minseok:

He is completely on the edge. I have him so fucking insecure. Seeing you will be the final push, he’ll spiral. All you need to do is be perfect.    
Jongin:

He might just hit me and run away or something   
Minseok:

You’ve not been around him for the last couple of months. Trust me. We’ll make something happen. 

~

Minseok:

Don’t let him see your phone

Jongin:

What’s up?

Minseok: 

I have an idea

Jongin:

I thought the idea was to get him drunk tonight and let me work my magic flirting skills and make a move?

Minseok:

Better idea. Me and him have the same model phone. I’m gonna switch them

Jongin:

What for?

Minseok:

This boyfriend of his. You don’t stand a chance while he’s so whipped for him…

Jongin:

I guess we were always gonna have to sort that problem out

Minseok:

Leave it to me. You just keep buttering him up. 

Jongin:

You sure you can pull this off for me?

Minseok:

Like I said I have no idea what you see in him but I’m a good friend

Jongin:

He’s mine. He’s not getting away from me again

~

Minseok:

You don’t actually think I went too far, do you?

Jongin:

Fuck no. I was just acting, promise

Minseok:

Ok good because this is really funny

Jongin:

The more his reputation is ruined, the better it is for us. 

Minseok:

He won't go anywhere if he doesn't have a career to leave you for

~

Jongin:

I think it’s working   
Minseok:

Good!!

Jongin:

He hasn’t spoken to Sehun in days

Minseok:

Sucks that you have to leave today   
Jongin:

You’re gonna need to keep on helping me

Minseok:

Duh. I’ll show up at his house at some point and drive him further to you. Just you wait. What’s his address?

Jongin:

Don’t do anything too hideous to him

Minseok:

We’ll see. I’ll make him never want to see me or set foot near set again, that's for sure. 

Jongin:

You take things too far, but I love it. 

**

Reading those messages, seeing it all unfold, it was too much. Junmyeon got back up, leaving Minseok’s phone behind him, and started running again. He had only one place he could go - his apartment was currently inhabited by someone who was planning on doing God knows what to him, all in an effort to send him back into the arms of an ex who wanted him back because he thought he owned him. For once, returning to the hotel wasn’t a colossal waste of money. It was his safe space for a reason. He really needed it now. The train ride went by in a blur, as did the walk which he always completed on autopilot anyway, but that night especially - before he knew it, he was surprising a sleepy looking receptionist with his request for a very late check in. They had a room free, thankfully.

“How many nights do you require this for, Junmyeon-san?”

He thought about it. “Can I have an open booking please? My credit card is on file.”

She nodded. “You’re a valued customer. Of course, consider it yours,” she added a smile as she slid the key across the desk to him. “Have a good night's sleep, sir.”

“Take care.” 

He knew that using the phone in his room would rack up a huge bill, but he would be damned if he couldn’t stop worrying and wondering about money, a thing which he had in abundance and meant so little either way, getting through to Sehun was more important. He knew his number by heart thankfully, and was prepared to dial it over and over until he picked up. It was late. Sehun wasn’t talking to him anyway. He didn’t know what he expected.

But it was answered, first ring.

“Myeonnie?” Sehun’s unmistakable voice, small and hopeful, piped up. “Myeonnie, is that you?”

“Sehun,” he gushed out a sigh of relief. “How did you know it was me…?”

“Japanese number… I just… hoped,” a yawn interrupted his flow of speech. “I was asleep and I was dreaming of you.”

“I am so sorry, Sehunnie.”

“No, please. Don’t apologise. I should have listened to you.”

“You don’t even know what happened.”

“I know you would never hurt me.”

“I promise, I would never.”

“Where are you calling me from, baby?”

“Hotel. I forgot my phone.”

“Makes sense,” he yawned again. “I’m at Yuta’s. Him and the boys took me and Chanyeol out to celebrate the end of our preparations for the album… I didn’t want to go, but…,”

“You had fun, I hope?”

“I tried. I just couldn’t stop thinking about you, Myeonnie.”

The nickname spread warmth from his heart right through his chest, he clutched the neck of his shirt and held the phone close to his ear. “I don’t know where to start. I just… I love you. Congratulations on everything, I wish I could have been there for you this week.”

“It was me keeping you out. Me, looking for excuses not to let myself…,” 

“I know,” he interrupted. “I know. But I can’t imagine how you must have reacted.”

“I didn’t talk for a full day,” Sehun admitted. “I just ran. I didn’t want to see anyone. I convinced myself you cheated on me.”

“He made a move on me, Sehunnie, but I didn’t want-,”

“I know.”

“It was a set-up. He wanted to ruin my career, to break us up.”

“I don’t understand. I thought you were getting along better.”

“Me too. It was an act. This was planned, Sehun. I just… even talking about it is making me feel ill.”

“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere, my Myeonnie.” 

Junmyeon told him all he could piece together. Jongin showing up, the day they spent together, the night out, what happened the next morning, the fallout, how Jongin stayed with him and how sweet he had been, the plan him and his management had to come up with to save his career, how Minseok showed up, all the way up to the messages he saw between them that confirmed the theory. 

“I’m so worried about you,” was all Sehun could say. “The idea that he had you alone in that apartment, he could have done anything-,”

“I don’t think he would have actually hurt me or anything.”

“Emotional manipulation seems to be his speciality, sure, but him not physically hurting you doesn’t mean he’s not dangerous.”

“I can be strong.”

“There has to be a way to get him out of your life, Jun.”

“I don’t know…,”

“Do you want me to wake the guys? I bet we could all come up with something.”   
He smiled to himself. “Maybe at a more appropriate hour. For now this is all the help I need.”

“I missed your voice.”

“I missed you.”

“I promise, I can look after you. At least, I want to, and I’ll do my best.”

“You’re the only person who could make the pain go away, Sehun. I wish you were here.”

“I know,” he whispered, sounding like he was fighting back tears. “Soon. I promise you.” 

“I don’t want to put you through all this.”

“Well, too bad. You have it much worse. I can deal with the media being distracted by your fake relationship if it means you get to keep your job. I just wish there was a way we could get Minseok punished. He should suffer. Him and Jongin…,”

“I want to vomit thinking about how they made me feel like I was the one who ruined that relationship. It’s like they were conditioning me to feel… guilted into getting back with him. I really started believing it was my fault.”

“Myeonnie,” Sehun shushed him. “I know. Please, please don’t think in circles. You really are gonna make yourself sick.”

“Stay on the phone with me while I fall asleep?”

“I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

“I’m so tired, Sehun. I’m done with all of this.”

“We’re gonna fix it. This won’t last forever.”

“I shouldn’t be distracting you from your work like this. I shouldn’t be your priority.”

“But you are.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. Try get some rest, beautiful. Try dream of us.”

“I do. Every night.”

“Me too.” 


	19. Like a Devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for the wait on this one!!! long working hours are the worst. but we're getting to the juicy fun stuff and the sweet payoff so i really wanna make more time for writing this week. i hope you enjoy!

Sehun slept soundly for the first time in a long while that night – and it wasn’t even night; it was the early hours of the morning right up until one in the afternoon when he awoke to find his phone still connected to Junmyeon’s line. He smiled to himself when he realised that, before bolting up in bed and yelling at him down the phone.

“Myeonnie? You there Myeon, this is costing you a fortune! Hang up right now!”

He laughed. “Morning, Sehun.”

“I’m serious. Do you have any idea how steep the rates are to call internationally from a hotel room landline-,”

“Sehun. Relax. I can afford a phone bill.”

“You’re right, but it’s still stupid.”

“Good morning,” Junmyeon tried again. “Did you sleep well?”

“Good morning,” he said, softly. “Of course I did. You were there. I hope you dreamt of me.”

“I do every night. What’s your plan for the day?”

“Mhm, just stay here and be lazy with the guys until me and Chanyeol have to get back to SM. We’re moving soon.”

“Oh, really?”

“Well, duh. We’re a debuting group, baby. We officially get our own place.”

“No more training dorms! You’re all grown up.”

“I should probably let the others know I’m alive. I can hear them making food. I don’t wanna miss out.”

“And I should… figure my life out,” Junmyeon sighed, sadly. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”

“Please call me later. I worry about you. And Chanyeol and Yuta will want to help, if they can.”

“I promise. Message me when you have some time.”

“I will. I love you, Junmyeon. I’m so glad I have you back.”

“I love you too, sweetie. Thank you for having me back.”

Sehun clutched his phone to his chest as the line went dead. He had been so lost without the constant comfort of Junmyeon’s voice, and Junmyeon’s words, and just the knowledge that Junmyeon was out there, thinking of him and waiting for him. The scandal had sent his brain into shut down. When he saw the pictures, all he could think about was how it was the one thing that could make all of the happiness and security in his life dissipate; and how it was bound to set off a chain reaction. Him and Junmyeon wouldn’t be together, which would throw him off his game and affect his debut, leaving him boyfriend-less, jobless and ambition-less in quick succession. Sehun wanted to act like he knew he deserved the good things that were coming his way but he couldn’t believe it, he couldn’t grasp the idea that his hard work equalled this reward. All he’d known all his life was hard work, but when he began to train at SM as a teenager, he realised he was not the only one who put hard work and effort into the things he was passionate about, he wasn’t the only guy who had to study and make money to help provide for his family and fund his own dreams all before he’d even turned 16. There were thousands of versions of him, all equally dedicated and hungry and talented and close-to burned out, all giving up their childhood to secure the thing they so desperately craved.

And Sehun had to watch nearly every one of them fall before the finish line. People greater than him, people with more potential, who put in more hours, proved themselves to be more creative or diverse or ambitious – it was so cruel. He would never understand what combination of things he did right to allow him to be one of the lucky ones to even make it through training. How the debut would actually go was still a mystery, but even if his career flopped as it began, he’d still be one of the lucky few.

He knew that no matter what had happened, he would have taken Junmyeon back. If he had cheated on him, just the one time or multiple times, it didn’t matter. Sehun was just glad that he didn’t have to be that person with such a weakness for a partner that they would let them put them through hell, just to be with them. He was even more glad that Junmyeon proved time and time again that he was trustworthy. Junmyeon deserved more than Sehun could ever give him, but he would try his best to be the best boyfriend he could be to him. The guilt that he hadn’t been able to be by his side and supporting him through what happened was bound to hit any minute.

Sehun stretched, pulled a jumper on over his vest, slipped into some socks and moved to join his friends. The racket had made him believe everyone was still hanging around, but it was Chanyeol and Yuta alone causing chaos in the kitchen.

“Where are the others?”

“They went to an amusement park,” Yuta was pouting, holding a plastic mixing bowl with both arms. “Without us.”

“We’re very upset.”

“So we’re making cupcakes.”

“Ah,” Sehun nodded. “The ultimate revenge.”

“We’re gonna eat them before they get back and just leave the dirty dishes as evidence.” Chanyeol was beaming; proud of what was clearly his idea. 

“How did they have the energy to go to an amusement park of all places?”

“They all woke up at 10.”

“Are you guys just immune to hangovers?”

“I have a feeling Johnny didn’t drink as much as I did,” Yuta sighed. “I thought he had.”

“What about Mark? He was really-,”

“Mark didn’t drink. Apparently. I think he just has a secret hangover cure that he shared with every member of our band but me.”

“Well, there was probably no need to involve them in our drama anyway,” Sehun shrugged. “Guess who I talked to last night.”

Chanyeol and Yuta shared a look. “Please tell me you guys worked it out.”

Sehun nodded. “We’re fine. I’ll tell you everything – if you promise to help us.”

**

“You piece of shit.”

Junmyeon almost jumped out of his skin, yelping in fear as he felt the icy breath and harsh voice in his ear from behind. He turned around, cowering against the coffee machine, to find Minseok staring him in the face.

“How did you…,” he stammered. He had just dragged himself out of his hotel room to get a lunch buffet from the small restaurant adjoined to the lobby; and since he was checked in indefinitely to avoid him, Minseok was the last person he expected to see.

“I know what hotel you fucking stay in, I have your phone, remember?” He spat. “Tell me where the fuck mine is.”

“I… I don’t have it, Minseok.”

“Handed the whole thing over to some reporter or fansite of yours already, huh? Leaking my messages wasn’t enough?”

Junmyeon’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Don’t play dumb. You ran away from me so quick, the minute you had a chance, with my damn phone, to God knows where, and I wake up this morning and my name is being dragged through the virtual mud all over social media? You think that’s a coincidence?”

“Minseok,” Junmyeon tried to keep a calm and steady voice; he couldn’t let on that he was afraid of how Minseok’s face was as white as a sheet, how his eye twitched and his hands balled into fists at his sides. “I haven’t been online all day. I took your phone by accident and left it behind me when I decided to come to the hotel for the night.”

“You expect me to believe that? What the fuck are you holding onto it for, Myeonnie?” The nickname that made him feel so safe when Sehun spoke it suddenly made him want to throw up on the spot, like Minseok had poisoned something sacred and precious to him. “You already leaked every damn photo, message, call log -,” He suddenly gripped Junmyeon’s arm, making him cry out a little again, but not loud enough to draw attention to them.

“Minseok, I didn’t!” He tried to free himself. “Please, let go. I read a few texts between you and Jongin but I never-,”

“Then who did?”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry if you’ve been, I don’t know, hacked or whatever, but-,”

“Shut up. I’ve heard enough from you. You’ll be hearing from my fucking legal team, Junmyeon.”

Minseok let go of his arm, although his skin still burned where his fingers had dug in, and threw Junmyeon’s own phone onto the ground in front of him. He then stared at it, as if he was disappointed it did not shatter, and was considering stamping on it for good measure, but instead let out a sharp breath and walked away, turning on his heel and heading straight through reception and out the door.

Junmyeon stared at the ground, too. He was afraid to pick it up and see what the fuck he was being accused of. One thing was for sure, though – this was far from over.


	20. Coming Home

With the click of a few buttons and a generous social media following, up and coming actor Kim Minseok’s reputation was in tatters before he even had the chance to show his acting abilities on screen. This villain would get no redemption arc, for he wasn’t just the antagonist to Kun Tanaka’s protagonist on Golden, but the person responsible for the worst week of Kim Junmyeon’s life.

It was just a shame that Junmyeon was inadvertently also responsible for the worst week of Minseok’s – and who cared, really, because now the hatred towards Junmyeon had turned into pure sympathy from the entire entertainment world. There were messages of support, statements of apology, petitions demanding the recasting of Minseok’s character on Golden, and it was all too much for either of them to handle. Of course Junmyeon was mad at him. Of course, he sat talking to his boyfriend and friends on the phone for hours after he found out what happened, trying to decide whether he deserved what he was getting handed to him, analysing every piece of information that had leaked.

Of course Junmyeon was the only one out of him, Sehun, Yuta and Chanyeol who felt even a pinch of sympathy. There was a level of guilt there. He knew what it was like to have your career in jeopardy and your character under public scrutiny. But it wasn’t Minseok’s sexuality people were commenting on and sending hateful abuse over; like had been the case with himself – this was all about how he treated the nation’s sweetheart. How he spoke of him, how he manipulated him, how he had no regard for what happened to him in the pursuit of messing with his life. Sure, the messages that came out meant that there was no point in Junmyeon’s management running the story that he had a girlfriend and that he wasn’t gay, but all that uproar had subsided, incredibly. The public had sides to take now. And they preferred to take Junmyeon’s. He was unfairly outed, he was victimised. Minseok had no redeeming qualities. They hadn’t even seen him on screen, yet.

“The show is so going to get cancelled over this,” Junmyeon had confided his worries in Sehun a few nights later. He had heard nothing from work about schedules, filming or promotion, since this drama had kicked up.

“No way, Jun. It’s so loved. This is just free publicity. There’s no such thing as-,”

“As bad publicity. I know. But come on. What’s going to happen to all the work we’ve put in this year?”

“There must be protocols for what happens if a cast member gets fired under these circumstances.”

“Will they really fire him over this?”

“Are you kidding? They could sue is ass.”

“Yeah, speaking of lawsuits…,”

“Yuta looked it up. Minseok is talking out of his ass. All he can do is have them target the fansite that published the leaked images.”

This was the situation at hand: Junmyeon was seen running from his apartment that night. A young fan had followed him and hidden, watching while he cried inside a phone booth. When he up and left, the fan found Minseok’s phone that he had left behind him, and quickly figured out who it belonged to, based on photos and process of elimination. The fan being quite tech savvy and, well, a lover of gossip, ended up leaking everything a Golden fansite. Not just any, of course, it had to be the one with the most followers and the least moral compass. The fansite was run by one Japanese guy and one Korean girl, so between them, translation was easy, and it wasn’t long before every single conversation Minseok had ever had with Jongin or Junmyeon or anyone else remotely related to them was online. In addition to that, there were also all of the burst photos from the kiss in the bar – including photos of Junmyeon grimacing and pushing him away and Minseok making the moves. There was so much damning evidence that Junmyeon had been framed and manipulated, that Minseok was an awful person, and no one was happy about Minseok being a part of the cast of the show they loved so much.

It made sense that everyone sided with Junmyeon; but Junmyeon was still scared to be seen in public, in case he was approached, in case some people didn’t forget the implications. His reputation should be pristine. His image shouldn’t be tarnished by what Minseok had done, but there was truly no going back now. It sucked, for Junmyeon, because that fan had leaked it all not just for the assumed clout, but in defence of Junmyeon. They had no idea they were pouring salt on a very fresh wound.

Meanwhile, Jongin had been blowing up Junmyeon’s phone, while Minseok stayed suspiciously silent, unseen and unheard of.

Junmyeon didn’t care either way, all he wanted to do was talk to Sehun, keep safe in their little bubble, be it no one tried to pop it again. Amazingly, there was very little he could do as the victim in this situation other than sit tight on his butt and let his faux-parents, also known as his management, sort the mess. He still hadn’t checked out of the hotel, although knowing Minseok knew where he stayed made it a little less of a safe haven, but he rebooked in under a different name and room number just to be safe. He knew his lease was almost up on his apartment, and he was thinking of just giving it up – that place didn’t make him feel comfortable, for whatever reason. Having a bath tub and a space to sing along to Alanis Morissette without worrying about his neighbour judging him – because if a hotel, you have ever changing neighbours – was appealing enough to make him get over a nightly rate.

Of course, the hotel was pet friendly, so he could bring Byul, too. He was being irrational. He was afraid of putting down his roots in case his secure job and happy, linear life went up in flames. He also hoped he’d have an excuse to run away and live with Sehun and have an ordinary life and God, he didn’t want to make any commitments until he made one to Sehun, and that involved meeting him. He just wanted to hold the guy in his arms after all this time.

“I need this to happen,” he said, almost close to tears. It was 3am when he brought it up, he thought Sehun had already dozed off, and started murmuring things to him, like how desperate he was to be near him and how he couldn’t stand it any longer, and he loved him so much – and of course, he had heard it all. He didn’t tease him, because Sehun was the same. He was clingy, needy. Junmyeon was pretty sure he was even clingier than he was himself, or at least he found it easier to express it, probably being younger than him and in a scary place in his life himself.

“I don’t want to have to wait until my debut is out and the promotion is done with. That’s a cycle that could never end.”

“I’m not even working right now.”

“We’re both in limbo.”

“So, why aren’t we together?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re scared.”

“Aren’t you, Myeonnie?”

“Terrified,” he whispered. “But only because I know you’re gonna be all I ever want for the rest of my life once I see you.”

“I already know you’re all I want so, you know. Catch up,” Sehun teased. “No. Seriously, I know what you mean.”

“How are we gonna do this?”

“You can wear a hat and a fake moustache to the airport…?”

“Genius. I mean more like… the logistics of it all.”

“Who comes where?”

“Yeah. Are you even allowed leave the country?”

“Probably not,” Sehun laughed. “Are you able to face coming home?”

Junmyeon sighed. “You know what, babe? I think I can face anything after what we’ve just been through.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to get a chapter out tonight so here's another two parter! if i don't get the next bit up tonight, it'll be tomorrow at the latest i promise promise promise.


	21. Dive In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY i was meant to post this second part like... last weekend... lmao i've had a rlly bad week but never mind about that, here's me promising to try get back on schedule 

There were so many versions of Kim Junmyeon that occupied Sehun’s mind at any given time. There was Kim Junmyeon, the stranger who had added him on Facebook all those months ago, nothing more than a profile picture of a handsome guy. There was the deep purple haired Kun Tanaka he portrayed on Golden, the first idea he had of how he might move or speak; not entirely reliable considering he was acting, but enough to make him a real person. There was his friend Jun, someone he found himself talking to back and forth out of habit, the kind of habit that started to feel like home, a night cap, a safe place to rest his head. Friendship wasn’t the end, though, obviously - his boyfriend Junmyeon was the guy he spoke to on the phone for the first time, the guy who had his best interests at heart, who took pride in his achievements, supported his dreams, confided his deepest insecurities in him. He wasn’t an actor or a stranger or just a friend, when he had been all those things in the past. Sehun knew he was young, they both were, but he had never been as sure of anything as he was of Junmyeon. He’d seen him at his lowest, and it wasn’t enough to change his mind. He’d run away from things when they got hard, and maybe Sehun would never forgive himself for that, for not having the trust he should have, but it didn’t matter. They’d proven themselves to each other. 

When he spent those days not speaking to Junmyeon, not speaking to anyone, he didn’t think he’d ever see the day he was on the verge of meeting him, finally holding him. It sounded so stupid to think those words - Sehun didn’t know he was a romantic. He had nothing against romance, of course, he pictured having a boyfriend someday and being happy, but it was something he couldn’t explore or actively want, considering his career of choice. Junmyeon unlocked a whole load of emotions and fantasies and desires, things he couldn’t let go of. “Dating ban,” Chanyeol had always teased him, referring to their contracts, the five year clause stating they could not be in personal relationships for the first five years after debut. Sehun knew he would have to do a lot of sneaking around to pull off meeting Junmyeon - never mind actively being in a relationship with him - and this was before SC even officially debuted. It didn’t matter, it definitely didn’t stand in his way, but he did wonder if it should. Should he take his career more seriously than he took his relationship, prioritise it? After all, most people stuck to that clause. Even Chanyeol wasn’t pursuing his crush, no matter what opportunities arose for him to get close to Baekhyun. It was different for guys like Yuta and Johnny who spent so much time together as part of the same group that no one would guess they were actually dating. Sehun was about to try to pull off a long distance relationship with a famous actor. And it was worth it. It was so worth it.

*

“I have reservations made, anyway,” Junmyeon said, nervously. “Under my fake name, of course.”

“Right.”

“I don’t know if it’s safe for us to meet at the airport, my flight information is usually…,”

“Yeah, I know. We’ve seen your fansites.”

“We?” He laughed. “Oh, right. You, Chan and Yuta really kept a close eye on them when all that drama was going on.”

“Was? Junmyeon, I don’t think you’ve stopped trending on twitter since…,”

“I’ve stopped checking. Tell Yuta to quit it, too. It’s mostly just speculation about that lawsuit, which technically has nothing to do with me.”

Sehun sighed. “I really wonder what’s going to happen. I don’t care for Minseok, but I have this morbid curiosity to satisfy.”

“Well, these things take a long time.”

“Have you heard anything from work yet?”   
“No. I’m kind of terrified. I don’t want this to be over.”

“That’s the first time you’ve admitted that out loud,” Sehun said softly, gripping the phone, wishing he was holding his hand instead. “It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to admit the show is important to you.”

“I dedicated so much of my life, of myself, to it. It would be like losing the biggest part of my professional self.”

“You’re an artist. No matter what happens, you’ll be able to reinvent yourself. You’re never going to be without an outlet that makes you happy.”

“You have such faith in me, Sehun. Thank you.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too. Did you book us someplace nice?” 

Junmyeon grinned. “Nice enough.”

“Should I meet you there, or…?”

“You should check in ahead of me, I think.”

“I wish I could greet you off your flight. Like a real fucking couple.”

“Hey, these compromises are what allow us to do this in the first place, remember? I know it sucks.”

“It’s fine. It doesn’t matter. You’re right. How it happens isn’t important. Just like we are definitely not telling our kids how we met.”   
“Oh, we aren’t? You ashamed of your little cyber trysts with me already, Sehunnie?”

“No! I just don’t want to give them ideas about talking to strangers that add them on Facebook. What if I had been Minseok you added that time? Or something equally as awful, like a murderer?”

“Fair point. Plus, you were way too willing to believe I was who I said I was.”

“Excuse me?”

“Do you know how many fake Kim Junmyeon profiles there are on there?”

“I had no idea who you were!”

“Doesn’t matter. I said I was an actor, you googled my name, and you just ran with it. I could have been a catfish.”

“Well, you aren’t!”

“How do you know?” Junmyeon was grinning, enjoying getting to tease Sehun like this, light hearted and giggly and full of love, so ready for their future together. 

“Because I do! Now stop it, I’ve told you, you’re not funny.”

“You think I’m hilarious.”

“No, I really don’t. I just say that to get laid. Goodnight, Junmyeon.”

“You don’t hang up at night.”

“Well, maybe I will!”

“You won’t.”

“I love you,” he huffed. “Of course I’m not hanging up.” 

*

It didn’t hit Junmyeon until he woke up the next morning that he was seeing Sehun in five days. In less than a week. He was returning to Korea in five days, to see his boyfriend, to face his fears, to move on with his life - and yeah, it was five days away, it was soon. Even his family had no idea he was going. It was just him, Sehun, and his trusty sidekicks, of course. 

At least, that’s what he thought. 

“Ah, Kim-san,” Watanabe-san’s call was what had woken him initially, his call with Sehun clearly ending at some point in the night, but he let it ring out the first time. The second time was harder to ignore, he knew it was his imagination, but the ringtone seemed to get more urgent, impatient with him; and that made him anxious enough to pick up. “When were you going to inform us of your intention to take a vacation?”

“Excuse me?” He cleared his throat, ridding himself of his groggy morning voice. “Come again?”

“I see you have booked yourself on a flight to Seoul on Thursday…,”

“Yes, so?”

“You need to be on standby for news about Golden.”   
“If they need me, I will be returning the following Monday.”

“Junmyeon, you have to clear these things with us first.”

“Stop checking my credit card statements and you’ll have nothing to worry about.”

“It’s my job. I’m your manager.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry, Watanabe-san, I know you’re just doing your job,” Junmyeon sighed. “I need to go home for a few days, okay? And I can’t let anyone know when or where I’m travelling. Can you see to that for me? Please?”

There was a pause. “Okay. I don’t foresee any change on the Golden front for a while, anyway, not with this lawsuit pending.”

“Does that impact the show?”

“It impacts the shows reputation. This is a very public thing, Kim-san. Sure you know that.”

“I know. I just want to forget this nightmare.”

“What Minseok did to you was horrible. What’s happening to him is deserved, but horrible nonetheless. He was always going to fight back.”

“What about my fan who leaked the information? Or the fansite that posted it? I don’t want them to suffer for trying to support me.” 

“They are both minors. I believe they’ll be protected in this case.”

“What’s he trying to take down, then?”

“In my professional opinion? Your reputation. He is definitely, without a doubt, going to drag you back into this, kicking and screaming.”

“I guess it’s my lawyer who needs to be on standby.”

Watanabe-san laughed. “Yeah. Maybe. But you haven’t been home in a long time, so I hope you enjoy your break and don’t think about it too much while you see your family.”

Junmyeon wanted to correct him, to clarify he wasn’t seeing his family, but that would have been a lie. He was. 


	22. Long Flight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry i've been gone so long! i don't want to bore you with the details lmaoo the truth is i just put off writing this chapter because i have the last chapter written and i don't want it to be over. anyway there's like 1 or 2 parts left after this depending on if i want to split up the last chapter and the epilogue or not... so... let's like, cry together, because this universe is such a joy and i love my little baby seho so much and honestly i won't be surprised if i write one-offs based on this universe in the future just to allow myself to see how they're doing and have some fluff since this was kind of more drama full than i anticipated when i got the prompt fbdjkls
> 
> anyway i'm back and i hope you enjoy the last stretch with me, friends <3

Chapter 22 - Long Flight

“Are you on your way to the airport?” 

“No.”

“No?” Sehun said, dismayed. “Your flight is in three hours!”

“I can’t find my…,” Junmyeon stopped himself. “Nothing. I’m on my way. See you soon!”

“Kim Junmyeon, if you have lost your passport-,”

“Bye, sweetie!” 

He threw the phone down onto his bed and let out a deep breath. Okay. He definitely knew where his passport was. He just had to remember where exactly he had put it. When was the last time he even travelled anywhere that required a passport? Promotion for the last series of Golden, maybe? That was about a year ago. How the heck was he meant to remember where he put it? For Goodness sakes, this could only happen to him. 

“Watanabe-san,” he retrieved his phone and pressed his manager’s speed dial; he picked up after half a ring, as usual. “Where’s my passport?”

“In your underwear drawer.”

“Oh,” he nodded. “Okay. Thanks for reminding me I hadn’t packed underwear yet.”

“You’re sounding a little disorganized, Kim-san… would you like me to come over and help you pack?”

“What? No! I need to leave.”

“Don’t forget your medication.”

“My what? I don’t take medication.”

“Oh. That explains a lot.”

“I’m fine,” he sighed, exasperated. “I’ll see you in a week, okay?”

“I’ll keep my updates to myself until then. You enjoy your break, if you can.”

“I’m fine,” Junmyeon repeated. “I promise. Oh, I left Byul with my neighbour, just in case you worry and try to break into my apartment thinking the dog is starving.”

“I have a key, and besides, I know you’re a good dog owner. Now, go, Junmyeon.”

He smiled. “See you next week, Toru-chan.”

Okay; Junmyeon thought. Underwear drawer. Low and behold, he was right - it wasn’t even well tucked away at the back of it or anything, it was staring him right in the face the moment he pulled it open. He stuffed it into this backpack along with an assortment of boxers that he took no notice of, all just various assortments of grey or black Calvin Kleins. His mind was cluttered, and yet completely empty at the same time, it was leaving Junmyeon flustered, wanting nothing more than to hide from the reality of the day: rather stew in his anxiety than face what was causing it. He was putting so much on the line, and it only dawned on him how selfish and reckless it was. His relationship with this guy shouldn’t take priority over his career, his fragile reputation… except God, it should. And it did and it always would.

It was all at once that Junmyeon realised that he had let himself avoid his own happiness for long enough. He ran away to Japan and never looked back; he worked himself to the bone until he was left with nothing but anxiety and a perfection complex, he became so well known for being a picture perfect idol that he became obsessed with holding it up. He didn’t date, he didn’t eat too much, he didn’t let his smiles falter or fade no matter how sick, tired or down in the dumps he felt on a given day; but that was just Junmyeon, a guy who had molded himself into perfection, because that was how he would succeed. He had the world figured out, but not himself. It shouldn’t take a boyfriend to make him feel like he was starting to get to know who he truly was, but in ways, it had nothing to do with Sehun, but everything to do with the way he handled what had happened since they met. Junmyeon knew he had things to work out, knew there was nothing normal about the way his hands trembled the entire car ride to the airport, how his heartbeat echoed in his ears when he took his plane ticket. He was anxious. The idea of going home still terrified him. The agonising wait in the cramped airport seats, knowing he was headed somewhere he avoided going for so long - the fact that it was to see Sehun did little to comfort him; Junmyeon had obstacles to overcome before he got anywhere near him. Despite wearing his sunglasses, a large jacket and a beanie, he dreaded being recognised, knowing it was likely to happen regardless of any genius disguises, it was part of his life; a part of his job. A job he loved. A job he had failed to protect, because of stupid mistakes, because he was a terrible judge of character, because he wasn’t ruthless enough to stand his ground when things got tough. It wasn’t unfair to say that he would have let Minseok steal the rug from out under him on set, if nothing had ever come to a head, he would be running the place by now, leaving Junmyeon a shell of himself - so wasn’t this better, in a way? Get through the bad and the ugly, come out stronger? Junmyeon would be seen as a victim; Minseok was the one entangled in the exposé, the scandal. What had he done wrong? Even his sexuality wasn’t being focused on. At least, for now. There was the issue of the leaked texts clearly revealing he had an ex partner named Kim Jongin. It could haunt him, but for now, it was being - largely - overlooked. Still, that didn’t mean it was necessarily safe for him to be seen out and about with a new beau. And if it wasn’t safe for him, it definitely wasn’t for Sehun; who definitely had stricter rules to abide by. 

“Boarding pass?” 

“Uh…,”

The flight attendant nodded, helpfully pointing towards his right hand, limp at his side clutching his ticket and passport. “Everything okay, sir?”

“Of course,” Junmyeon snapped out of his trance, handing them over, and offering a small smile in return. “Thank you.” He watched her eyes widen as she read the name on the ticket, gaze flicking from passport, to his face, back to his passport in 0.5 seconds; probably subconscious, and not noticeable to anyone who hadn’t had this kind of interaction before. Credit to her, she was professional as ever. “Enjoy your flight.”

**

It took less than 3 hours to fly from Narita to Incheon; Sehun knew this, knew he had time, but the moment he looked at his phone and saw Junmyeon’s flight take off in real-time, his heart was in his throat. Suddenly, he wasn’t ready. Typical of course, since he had been the one who pushed for them to meet - not that he doubted that Junmyeon was excited to see him, no, he wasn’t going to allow himself to think that, but it was true that he had always been the first to say it, to falter and express how he was longing to be with him, to admit that it wasn’t the same just talking on the phone and texting, that he wanted something real. Would Junmyeon have said the same, had he not? 

“Stop freaking yourself out,” Chanyeol glared at him from the driver's seat. “I can read you like a book, Sehun.” 

“I’m fine.”

“You’re shaking. This is why I wouldn’t let you drive.”

“It’s normal to be nervous,” he reasoned. “Right?”   
“Of course,” Chanyeol softened his voice. “Are you sure you don’t want to surprise him at the airport?” 

“Positive. I think he’d run away. Besides, he has Korean fansites. There’ll definitely be cameras.”

“Hasn’t he like… not been home in years, though?”

“Doesn’t matter. They usually follow him on promotions.”

“That could be us soon.”

“Maybe. Don’t freak me out over hypotheticals, though.”

“I’m kind of excited. Not for the lack of privacy, but… to see if we’re well received. I really want to be successful.”

“Hey, I know. Me too. I hope you don’t think I’m not committed, just because…,”

“Because you met the love of your life? I’ll level with you, Sehun. If this was just some fling, or something reckless, I might be mad at you for risking everything we worked for.”

“So far, it sounds like that is exactly what I’m doing.”

Chanyeol laughed. “No. Because love is way more important.”

“And you really think what Jun and I have is the real thing?”

“I think so. And you know so.”

Those words stuck in his mind as Chanyeol dropped him off near the street where the hotel he was meeting Junmyeon at was; and he mulled them over as he waved him off and trudged slowly across the road in search of it, backpack with his weekend essentials slung across his shoulders. He did know that Junmyeon was the love of his life. It just felt stupid to admit until he had the validation of someone else saying it out loud. Sehun knew he was young; but that was the thing: he hadn’t allowed himself to want this for the entirety of his youth. He had never dated before, he didn’t fantasize about love, because anytime he did, he would have to deal with his sexuality, and he honestly thought he’d have a harder time accepting that part of himself than he did. Meeting Junmyeon made any potential angst dissipate. Why would he possibly want anything, or anyone else? He was perfect for him. He was smart and committed and ambitious, not unlike himself. He was gorgeous, he had a natural instinct to care and look after people. He feared disappointing others, but Sehun could see through the walls and the fronts he put up to be a people pleaser. He was pretty sure he was one of the only people who really knew what he was like as a person. He was insecure. He craved love, he craved permission from something or somewhere unknown to allow himself to want that. He was sentimental, in ways. He was selfless until he was forced to act selfishly to avoid near self-destruction; and then felt guilty for protecting himself. Sehun didn’t see any of these as flaws, they both had plenty of them, but the more he knew about him, the more he understood him; and the more he would learn about how to love him. Loving Junmyeon… it came naturally. He just wanted to be good for him, too. 

He spotted the hotel after a few minutes strolling - it was modest looking from the outside, but you could tell it was beautiful. Cosy, intimate, few rooms, well serviced, warm. He knew Junmyeon loved it, a connoisseur of local hotels, and he also knew it was one he had never tainted with the memory of Jongin. Every room also had a bathtub, because of course, that was the icing on the cake for Junmyeon. Sehun smiled at the thought, God; Junmyeon had the funniest little likes and quirks. He knew he was being let in on something intimate and sacred, the first time they were meeting, and they were spending nights together - real nights. He would see what Junmyeon looked like as he breathed, rather than just hearing him fall asleep over the telephone lines. There was something about seeing someone in person, rather than just on a screen, that was obviously going to be different, and Sehun worried about that. What if Junmyeon took one look at him and regretted everything he had been put through because of him?

“Welcome!”

Sehun was taken aback by the attentive beam of the receptionist, who was immediately gesturing to a selection of drinks, snacks, and wrapped-up care packages on a table beside the check in desk. “How are you today, sir? Looking to check in?”   
“Uhm, yes, thank you…,”

“Perfect. May I take your name? You can then help yourself to anything you like on the right. A gift for our guests this summer.”

“That’s very kind,” he bowed his head a little in thanks. “My name is Oh Sehun, I believe the reservation was made by my friend…,” he racked his brain for Junmyeon’s given fake name. “Saito Jun?”

“I do have both names on the reservation, and I see it is all paid. Will you be requiring one or two keys, sir?”

“Just one. Jun will be arriving later, can he pick up the second when he’s here?”

“Of course,” the receptionist was beaming again. “Here you go. As I said - help yourself.”   
Sehun couldn’t resist the urge to grab as many cans of soda and croissants as he could manage on his way to the elevator. Second floor, room 220. 

He was terrified. 


	23. Spring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end is upon us. i really hope the payoff was worth it

**You landed safe?**

I landed safe.

**I know. I’m tracking your flight. But it’s good to hear from you now. I was scared you’d run away or something**

Not at all. Never from you.

**Is this our last text conversation as an online couple?**

I suppose it is

**Not gonna lie, I might get nostalgic for this from time to time. But not enough to put seeing you off for any longer.**

I know. Me neither. I’ll be there in an hour

**Knock thrice for me, okay? So I know it’s not the cleaners.**

I will my love.

**I love you**

I’ll say it to you in person soon.

**One more time, Myeonnie**

Okay. I love you, Sehun

The big moments; the most beautiful moments of his life - those are what played on repeat through Junmyeon’s mind as he made the relatively short trip from the airport to the hotel where, he was sure, his life was about to change for the better, again. There had been so many defining days, or chapters, in his 20-something years of being a conscious human being. The streets of Seoul, that were so menacing to him when he thought back to his youth and his first relationship, didn’t scare him when he looked out the window, taxi rushing down the familiar route to the city. He had been avoiding the bad memories, he had been avoiding Jongin; maybe even avoiding the idea that he had made mistakes, or was prone to making them again. Hadn’t this been where he messed it all up in the past? But it was Jongin, it was facing Jongin after all that time, working out his hidden guilty complex, feeling the combined betrayal and relief that he wasn’t crazy, he wasn’t a bad person, he hadn’t done anything wrong. His hometown was not a place where bad memories lived on every corner and threatened to drag him to the depths of self loathing hell when he passed. His hometown was where he grew up, dreaming of becoming something like the person he was now. It was where Junmyeon learned to be an actor - where he shot his first commercials, starred in school plays. It was where he first brought an audience to tears with a monologue, even if that audience was just his acting class and his mother. It was where he learned what heartbreak and loss and loneliness felt like, and those were feelings he wouldn’t have grown without. How could he have portrayed such a lost character on a television show for four years without some kind of experience? If Junmyeon hadn’t also been, at a basic level, just a guy living somewhere he didn’t come from and would never quite belong, would he have brought the same kind of authenticity to Kun Tanaka on Golden? Maybe you can’t compare leaving Korea for Japan to become an actor to being adopted into a family that tries to suppress your psychic ability, but the roots were there. That’s how Junmyeon worked. As an actor, he was always sure he understood at least three basic things about the part he portrayed, and focusing on those felt like putting on the uniform, getting into the right head space. He could become anyone. It was a fascinating talent. Junmyeon didn’t think of himself as someone with talent or skill; it was something that came naturally to him, always had - accepting compliments was always rough in that regard. Just because it was natural didn’t mean he didn’t work hard, though, and it didn’t mean it wasn’t emotionally exhausting. It was hard not to let the tears come during that 60 minute taxi journey. The familiar signs welcoming him to the city felt personal. His parents may not know he was back in the country, or his old school friends, or anyone other than that group of SM entertainment idols he’d gotten so close to - but the road signs, the clear traffic, the crystal clear skies, they all felt like a welcome home party for him. The ill feelings towards his country, towards Jongin, towards his choices as a younger man all dissipated. This is where he learned to love - and how not to love. This is where he passed the biggest audition of his life and made his dreams come true, all by himself. He learned independence and hard work, he moulded himself into a good person. He had to believe that. Sehun deserved someone truly good in his life; and Junmyeon owed it to himself, too. 

This big day in Junmyeon’s life was the only one he wasn’t going into blindly. The other important moments became defining or important in hindsight, but this was something he had been building up to. Meeting his boyfriend for the first time - that serendipitous event all those months ago may have not, at first, seemed like something that would lead him here, in a relationship with a boy who could be the love of his life - but when they got serious, it became an inevitability. He would have to face up to the fact that he had feelings for someone, that he wanted to be with that someone, and he might have to give up a lot to do that. What he would sacrifice? He didn’t know that - but so many other things had almost cost him his career. The incident with Minseok, the initial one, followed by the public breakdown, the leaking of everything on Minseok’s phone. Junmyeon had to wonder what was going to happen. He knew Minseok had ruined his own career by what he did and how he treated him, but Junmyeon’s reputation was sure to be affected by it. Once the outrage and intrigue over the drama died down, the most vocal people would be the ones who didn’t like who Junmyeon really was. And that was just in Japan.

He had been ignoring messages from his parents about it for weeks. This was never how they were meant to find out. If he focused too much on it, though, he would ruin what he had with Sehun with his own self loathing, before they even had a chance. 

And that was the last thought in Junmyeon’s head when the taxi pulled up outside the hotel. 

“Keep the change,” he mumbled, shoving a fistful of notes into the drivers hand. “Thank you so much.”

“Have a good day, sir.”

Junmyeon removed his hat, mask, and sunglasses - replacing them with his normal ones - the minute he stepped into the lobby. It was late afternoon, and there wasn’t a soul to be seen other than the receptionist on duty, who smiled brightly. Thankfully, there was no recognition in his eyes, or he was very well trained at keeping a professional stance around celebrities. Junmyeon wasn’t super recognisable without the trademark purple hair and contacts, though - only actual fans of his work might make the connection right away; which is why the disguise was a must to make it through the airport safely amongst the fan sites and photographers. The interaction he had at the check in desk was the most normal and pleasant one he had in a long time, though. He had the feeling he looked just like a normal guest. He might not have to worry about someone leaking information that he was sharing a room with someone called Oh Sehun. That was the biggest risk he took, but hey, he was there with a fake name, and it was paid for with a subsidiary company credit card that couldn’t be traced back to his actual management, specifically for situations like this. The anxiety festered in the back of his brain over Sehun’s name on the reservation, but what did it matter? He had booked a twin room, too. Sure, there were two double beds, so they would still be sleeping together, but it wasn’t a suspect reservation. Just two friends going to Seoul together and exploring the city. Neither of them famous. Except, one of them was, and one of them was on the brink of stardom. 

Don’t overthink it, Junmyeon thought to himself.  _ Don’t do it to yourself.  _

Room 220. 

*

Junmyeon knocked three times, as they had agreed, to let him know it was him arriving, and took a deep breath before sliding the keycard into the slot. The light flashed green thrice, and though his hands were shaking, he pushed the handle down and opened the door. He didn’t know what to expect; where Sehun would be standing or sitting, how his face would change when he took him in for the first time, his stomach was churning thinking of it during that agonising half a minute it took him to enter the room. It wasn’t his usual routine of making a beeline straight for the bed, plopping face first down in it, and laying there until he was ready to move and draw a bath - but the familiarity of the ‘checking into a hotel’ routine meant he was caught even more off guard when he saw him.

Every knot in his stomach and chest and head loosened the minute they locked eyes. Junmyeon was the first to smile. Sehun was in complete shock.

He sat on the side of the bed closest to the window, facing him. His black t-shirt was destroyed in pastry crumbs, like he had just devoured one of the croissants from the lobby. His small dark eyes widened, he stood as if in slow motion. Junmyeon noticed the little things, first, of course he did - how he had tried to style his hair but didn’t account for the little bit of length and thickness, so his attempt at gelling it back just caused it to curl over itself and fall into his face again. His socks were bedtime socks, the fuzzy kind, light blue and pulled up to his calves. He wore a necklace that looked like a shoestring, the actual charm, whatever is was, hid under his shirt; a black plaited bracelet that had ridden up his arm until he stood and then slid down to his wrist, dangerously close to falling off; two rings on his right hand. His lips were slightly chapped, and parted in disbelief as they stared at each other. What would be their first words to each other? For Junmyeon, the anxiety of that hung in the air, he wanted them to be good, perfect.

Sehun did not have the same concerns.

“You found your glasses?!”

Another second of gaping at the boy in disbelief passed before Junmyeon’s smile broke into a full on grin. “Are you kidding me right now?”   
Sehun bounced on the spot in anticipation as Junmyeon dropped his bag on the ground and rushed across the room, his arms pulling him straight into his chest and holding him there, tight. He closed his eyes. Sehun was half laughing, half muttering things like ‘wow’ and ‘oh my God’ - every time he did any of those things, he could feel him breathe and move against him.

“Junny, your heart is beating so fast.”

“I know,” he shushed him, lips against his ear as he spoke. “I don’t know what to do. I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“No,” Sehun clung on to him tighter. “I promise. You don’t feel sick.”

“Sehunnie-,”

“How was your flight?”

“Agonising. I couldn’t sit still.”

“I had Chanyeol at wits end driving me here. I could have come alone, or taken the bus or something.”

“He was being a good friend.”

“I think he’s waiting nearby just in case you’re a weirdo and he needs to beat you up. But don’t tell him I know.”

Junmyeon pulled away just a little bit, to look at him properly, up close. “You are even more beautiful in person, you know that?”

“You, too,” he said, softly. “And that’s saying something, I’ve seen you on television after a professional makeup team has been at you for hours.”

“I do not take hours to look camera ready,” he scoffed.

“You absolutely do not,” Sehun agreed. “You, my love, are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.”

“Sehun?”

“Yeah, Myeonnie?”

“Can I kiss you?”

He smiled, pulled away even further, and took Junmyeon’s hand. “I think so.”

Everything they had been through already seemed to fade away. The week where Sehun thought he didn’t really love him, the days they didn’t speak and the trust lost after what happened with Minseok and Jongin that night. Every lonely moment of frustration and self doubt. It dissipated. Sehun tugged on his hand, bringing him back to the window-side bed. He wanted their first kiss to be like the ones they always longed for as they curled up for sleep, side by side, but hundreds of miles away. Junmyeon didn’t care that he was getting under the duvet wearing jeans and his glasses, while Sehun basically looked nap-ready, all soft and settled and blinking. They pulled the covers up to their shoulders, they faced each other, Junmyeon wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him as close as he could to him.

“Hi,” Sehun smiled. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” he touched his nose off of his. “Sorry to be so forward, since we just met, and all.”

“Junmyeon, shut up.”

“I love you.”

“I love you.” Sehun placed a hand on his cheek. It felt like permission for Junmyeon to lean in; he heard him take a sharp breath. “I can’t believe you’re real,” he said, their lips barely an inch apart. “Look at you. You’re real.”   
“I’m real, Sehun,” Junmyeon was gentle with his words - his boyfriend, eyes filled with hope and fear and love, staring into his. He didn’t know what he could see in them in return, but he hoped the love, the adoration he held for him, was obvious. He knew now, without a doubt, he was right. Sehun was the love of his life. His entire heart was consumed with protectiveness over him. He would make him happy, if it was the only meaningful thing he ever did again. 

“Kiss me. Kiss me like you’ve wanted to for months.”

“I will. Like I’ve wanted to every long night I pined for you, every minute we spoke or didn’t speak. Every time you said you loved me, every time I saw your face.”

“You’re such a romantic, Kim Junmyeon.”

Their lips finally met. And while it was soft, gentle, shy at first, the fireworks fuelled them on. Once Junmyeon got used to the feel of him, how his mouth moved against his, how it felt to be kissed by someone who truly adored him, he couldn’t get enough. He became more explorative, his grip tightening. Sehun’s hand suddenly reached for his hair, grabbing onto strands of badly bleached blonde, a re-dye job never finished. His body was warm, so warm, Junmyeon couldn’t get close enough to him. This wasn’t a drunken kiss from a guy he hated that he couldn’t remember the next day. This wasn’t a kiss full of shame and fear from a guy who wasn’t ready to be in a relationship with him. This wasn’t the kind of kiss you shared with someone when you’re just figuring things out - and those had been the only kind of kisses Junmyeon had experienced in his life. He had been missing out. 

He knew he was Sehun’s first. Not just because he had told him, but because of how enthralled he was with it, how he moaned every time Junmyeon moved his tongue or bit his lip, how his body shuddered when he kissed his jaw, his neck; how hungry he was to get back to his lips, how he grew braver with every breath they took to pause before getting back to each other. 

“This might be a weird time to mention it,” Sehun mumbled against his lips, smile breaking out. “But the guys are desperate to meet you. They really wanted to get dinner together tonight, but… I mean, I kind of expected our first dinner together would be like. A date.”

Junmyeon grinned. “They’re insufferable, aren’t they?”

“Yes. But they’re like puppies - won’t stop barking, but incredibly excited. Can’t hate them for it.”

“I haven’t eaten today,” Junmyeon mused, taking Sehun’s hand again and raising it to his lips to plant small kisses on his fingers. “How about you and me get some late lunch together, retire here and work up an appetite again, and go for an evening snack and drinks with the boys?”

“I think we can make that work.”

“Who’s on board?”

“Me, you, Chanyeol, Yuta, Johnny… man, Chanyeol’s gonna be a third wheel.”

“Poor bastard. Gotta get him laid.” 

“We really do. He either tries too hard or doesn’t try at all. Also, he kind of believes in the ‘dating ban’ thing.”

“The dating ban,” Junmyeon laughed, shaking his head. “You are a role model to all aspiring idols, Oh Sehun.”

“Shush,” he swatted at him, playfully. “Anyway. Chanyeol definitely should be our first project as a couple.”

“Please don’t tell me we’re  _ that _ couple.”

“Hey, me and you were, unbeknownst to us, their project. Time for payback.”

“You mean… a favour in return, right?”

“Yes,” Sehun laughed. “Sure, my dear.”

It was comfortable, comfortable as ever could be. Junmyeon knew that having Sehun by his side, no matter what happened, would keep him safe. He also knew that he would love this man with every last ounce of strength he had for the rest of his days. Even during the hard times that ensued, like Junmyeon having to go through a gruelling reshoot schedule at work, having to give statements and interviews, lying through his teeth about who he was to protect his career and reputation. The guilt he carried with him knowing a person’s career was over because of drama he was involved in. The realisation that he needed help for how his head got sometimes, anxious and overwhelmed and destructive; coming to terms with the idea that Sehun wasn’t the only thing he needed to overcome it, and that that was okay. Every stupid little fight and every cry over the months they had to spend without each other. Every late night laugh in some remote izakaya in Tokyo or underground bar in Seoul, where Junmyeon, Sehun, and their friends, that little clique that formed, every holiday and every spontaneous date. The anniversaries. The security of knowing that no matter what happened, Junmyeon’s life was pretty good. A day would come where he didn’t have to worry about ghosts from the past coming to haunt him, and even if they did, he had someone to fight them with - and then laugh it off later, as if it was nothing, because it wasn’t. Junmyeon had perspective. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .... i am NOT crying right now.  
anyway, some regrets:  
1) me saying this is the end but knowing i will definitely add to this universe at some point so i'm sorry i told you it was over when i definitely definitely will write one offs in the future just to clue you in on some Adventures of Seho and friends  
2) me not being to end this on chapter 22 as planned because of mine and juns birthday hjhddkjd i tried im sorry i failed  
3) i really slandered minseok off in this damn fic as if he aint in my bias line but like. what can u do i rlly wanted to write minseok differently that he usually is 
> 
> thank you so much to everyone who dropped comments and kudos and the lot, it motivated me and got me back into writing when i really didn't have any motivation for a good year and a bit. might even get back to my Real Adult job of writing books lmaooo 
> 
> for now though exo

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you like, comments and kudos keep attention whores like me alive. By the way me and Junmyeon have the same birthday so our personalities are 99.9% the same in my mind that's literally where I base my characterisation of him off of please don't eat me alive


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